When I started this series of posts on reasons I’m looking forward to surgery tomorrow, the double mastectomy that will remove my cancer and give me better odds against recurrence, I first thought, oh no, what I have I done? How on earth will I come up with 15 more reasons to look forward to a surgery so painful and disfiguring? But the truth is, I’ve got reasons left unused. Reasons left unsaid. There are so many reasons I want to live, and here are just a few important ones I never even got to write about adequately:
- Because I want to spend more time with my friends in MOMS Club, getting to know each other better as people, not just as moms of kids the same age and facing the same issues;
- Because, as Sandie reminds me, there are friends yet to meet;
- Because Spring is coming, and I want to enjoy the forsythia, the fresh air, and the clear blue sky;
- Because I want to see my faraway friends again, and to hold Little Bird, about to become the newest member of the universe;
- Because I miss my sense of taste, and I want to be reminded of the joy of eating my favorite pasta dishes, a taco, and pancakes with syrup;
- Because it will be so much easier to exercise, and I do enjoy it now and again;
- Because my hair will grow back, and I am curious to see what color;
- Because I want to live life without pain for a while;
- Because I want to start fostering dogs again, and relieve their pain and lonliness by giving them a place to live, enough to eat, and a friendly belly rub when they’re ready;
- Because there are books left to read;
- Because my children will surely surprise me;
- Because my husband and I promised to grow old together;
And the number one reason that I’m looking forward to surgery tomorrow, January 22? Me. I had a good time away this weekend, and some days I just like being me. I’d like to be me some more, please.
We were at Wallops Island, part of Goddard Space Flight Center, this weekend. As tourists.
Thank you for all your prayers, well wishes, positive thoughts, healing energies, and everything else. I am going into surgery confident, strong, and with the knowledge that I am not alone. You have come through for me. You have encouraged me and given me strength when I did not feel strong. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for being my friends. I have one thing left to write and post before my surgery – a short account of the story of how this all came to be. I’ll leave it up while I’m in the hospital, and WonderDaddy or Stimey will post updates on my condition as comments to tomorrow’s post. Thank you all. For everything.
Please pray for me one more day — for strength. For healing. But most of all for clean margins — that the surgeon can remove all the cancer from my body successfully. It’s the only thing I need.