I swear, the minute I hit “post” on my last entry, the world began to mock me.
Today I’m nauseated, can’t eat, and my feet ARE beginning to blister. My feet hurt so much last night and today that I just called it quits, put my feet up, and have been slathering them in bag balm in desparate attempt to heal the cracks, soothe the blisters, and get back to freakin’ normal already. And I’m angry. Angry that I’m doing everything right and I still hurt. I still have limitations. I still have scar tissue and cording and I still have to spend mornings at PT making it all go away – when I should be at work. I still have to take the chemo pills. One after another after another, three each morning and night, and yet it’s still not enough. I still am not strong enough to do everything I wanted to do, or to go every place I wanted to go. Yeah, today I’m angry.
As a side note, I wondered how many pills I’ve taken to date, so I did a little dimensional analysis. Do you know this trick? Just start with what you know, and keep multiplying by things that are equal to 1 (example: 7 days = 1 week. so 7 days/week = 1) until you get what you need.
I know I take 6 pills / day. I know that there are 7 days / week. And there are 2 weeks / cycle where I’m taking the pills. If I’m strong enough to make it through the whole treatment, there will be 6 cycles / treatment. So let’s put that all together:
Cross out the words (“the dimensions”) any time you see the same word above and below the line, and you’re left with:
Which means that, if I’m strong enough, I’ll eventually take
How many pills have I taken to date? I’ve completed one whole 2 week cycle, and 10 days of the second cycle.
That’s a lot. And you, my friend, now know how to do dimensional analysis, a favorite trick of physicists and math geeks everywhere. It comes in handy — and distracted me nicely. I’d so much rather be figuring something out than swallowing another three of my 504 pills.
Edited, 5 p.m.: Well, here we go again. As it turns out, I don’t have to take another three pills tonight. Or at all this week. I’m officially taking a chemo vacation, doctor’s orders, because the side effects are catching up to me and my feet are continuing to blister. By taking a break, the level of chemotherapy 5 fu in my system will plateau and my feet should heal by the time we start Cycle 3. So we can start Cycle 3. I understand (now) that it’s for the best, but I am NOT HAPPY to stop chemo when I know I need it to flush out the cancer cells circulating in my system, just looking for a chance to band together into a tumor again. Mama is not happy. (Send chocolate.)