I am scared.

There.  I said it.  I am scared.  I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t know what’s happening to me.  It has consumed me the last 24 hours, since admitting publicly that something just isn’t right with me, and now I am able to admit it to myself.

I am scared.

My breast is sick.  I don’t know if it’s nursing/weaning/lactation related, or if it’s something worse.  I’m trying not to jump ahead of myself here and do lots of internet research on the possibilities.  I’m trying to keep myself from jumping to conclusions and fear.  To stay positive and hopeful that it’s just an infection, or a fibroadema, or something I haven’t even heard of.

But it’s hard.

Thanks for your comments so far.  I am so far out of my comfort zone on this, and I’m not sure where to turn for answers.  I’ve found the Susan G. Komen site, breastcancer.org, and the NIH public education page.  I found one blog — Killer Boob — which was fabulous — and gives me hope.  But what I haven’t found are all the pages that say “this is benign.” “This is a simple breastfeeding complication.”  “This will all be okay.”

Where are those pages?

9 Responses to I am scared.

  1. I imagine that I would be doing the same and feeling the same in your situation. I wish this hadn’t had to span a weekend, a weekend of worry and fear and panic.

    Thinking of you.

  2. Eva says:

    I don’t know what to say, except that I will pray for you.

  3. Robbin says:

    The fear of not knowing is a horrible thing, I know. And, as I also know as a scientist myself, we tend to research ourselves into a panic sometimes. Try not to scare yourself too badly until you hear from the specialist.

  4. canape says:

    Even keel, right? But I know what you mean. I love your boobs, in a totally platonic way of course. You know, because they are part of you.

    I’ve been looking for those pages for you, and can’t find them. However, usually not much is written about “everything is fine.” It’s not so much an interesting topic – that is until you need it.

    There was that one picture of a benign inflamed boob that I found. Any resemblance?

  5. Nancy says:

    Oh, no. I am so sorry.

    I am thinking of you and I am really not far away at all if there’s anything I can do. Just holler.

  6. lifewiththeothers says:

    hey-somehow didn’t even see that breastcancer.org (and my blog) was mentioned already!

    just wanted to add that i can’t say it’s benign, but you will be okay! (ok so i have no medical evidence to prove that, but i have faith for you!)

  7. ella says:

    I’m thinking of you and hoping everything will be okay.

  8. bliss says:

    i’ll keep you in my prayers. i too had a breast “incident” when i was nursing. i think our bodies just go a little haywire with the babies. ‘-) i got out of the shower one day and it looked like the top of my breast was caved in. whoa! any way, the outcome (after 10 years and several mammo- and sonograms and 1 biopsy) is that i have fibrocystic breasts. big virtual hug to you mommy! 🙂

  9. Mrs. Chicken says:

    Oh, Whymommy. Don’t know what to say.

    Of course you are scared! I would be, too.

    Thinking of you, friend.

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