The day after

Yesterday morning
They took a part of me
Put it in a vial
And sent it to the lab

While I lay watching
They gathered up the tubes
Cleaned the knives and needles
And threw my gown away

The efficiency
Much appreciated
At a.m. breakfast
Is horrifying now

Slowly I sat up
Gathering wits and thoughts
Donning clothes and masks
Of strength.  Of calm.  Of power.

Preparing again
To face the world outside
With my head held high
But part of me missing

The cancer surgeon took a skin biopsy and seven (seven!) core biopsies from my right breast yesterday morning.  I came home and rested, read your messages of hope, and cuddled my children close.  As the pathologist cultures the cells and reads the results, I wait.  The words are not coming easily now, but they are coming.

When I was a child, I would put my feelings in verse.  Forgive me as I regress to the safety of that form.  Some days it’s the only way I can get the words on the page.

8 Responses to The day after

  1. Bon says:

    i think your verse is lovely, stark, unsentimental, and powerful.

    the “part of me missing” concept – yes. becoming the subject of a process like that leaves not only the physical biopsy piece of you absent, but a part of your innocence and everyday “that won’t really happen to me, will it?” worldview behind, ever after, burnt up in the crucible of having faced this experience of biopsy…whatever the larger – and hopefully positive – outcome ends up being.

    i am sorry that you are going through this experience, this waiting, at all.

  2. whymommy says:

    The doctor just called. They want to see me. Now.

    Be back soon.

  3. Oh, whymommy.

    We are all waiting with you, friend, and we are all hoping for the best.

  4. NYfriend says:

    Yes, we are all waiting with you, you are very much not alone. I hope they called you in with good news.
    Big hugs mama.

  5. Nancy says:

    Oh my goodness, whymommy. Just saw your comment up there from 3:00 PM. I am praying, praying for you. ((hugs))

  6. robbinlynn says:

    Waiting to hear and thinking of you.

  7. coolbeans says:

    Thinking of you.

  8. reuben says:

    i send my concern, prayers and best wishes to you

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