The diagnosis

There’s no easy way to say this.

I have breast cancer.

I also have a 5 month old son, a 2.5 year old son, a wonderful adoring and supportive husband, a fantastic family, and good friends who love me.

Thank God for that.

I may need you all.

Please be careful in your comments to me right now — I love and need the support and comments, but I will NOT feel sorry for myself, and I won’t have anyone else feeling sorry for me either right now.  I’m in this to win, and I’m going to fight it with every fiber of my being.  I have no time to wait and mope about this, for I start chemo on/about July 13.  Two weeks from today.  The day my baby son turns 6 months old. 

If you pray, pray for my strength and success in this fight.

I will continue to post every day, so I don’t slip into sadness over here.  Help me stay focused and positive, okay? 

I will need you all.

80 Responses to The diagnosis

  1. bon says:


    we’re here. what we’ve got is yours, friend. you let us know what you need, and we will stand with you, fight alongside you, and listen.

    while you kick this cancer on its ass.

    sending love.

  2. Nancy says:

    Ugh. Yuk. But now you can approach the “what next?” which is sometimes easier than the unknown.

    I’m on your side, and can get out my own ass-kicking boots if need be.

  3. i am here, i am not going anywhere, i am at your service to the extent that you want me to be.

    i believe that you can do this, that you can beat this.

    hugs to you — not pitying hugs, but supportive ones.

  4. canape says:

    I’m glad there is a plan. Waiting sucks.

    There won’t be any pity and I won’t feel sorry for you. I will miss your hair, but I also am secretly planning to rub your cute bald head. Maybe not in public though.

    You have all of me on your team. And I’m requesting more poetry by the way.

  5. No pity here, but lots of empathy. You will beat this. I fully believe that.

  6. Andria says:

    This sucks… but you will beat it. Why? Cause you rock.

  7. Robbin says:

    My mother beat this. So will you.

  8. Stimey says:

    You’re amazing. Keep up your fantastic spirit. You will beat this, and we’ll be right there with you to celebrate each victory.

  9. MamaLee says:

    Praying for your continued strength! Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…


  10. Amy says:

    You are strong. You are powerful. You can beat this.

    I’ll keep praying.

  11. NYfriend says:

    Are you still up? Emailed ya a quick note…

  12. christine says:

    You are going to knock this down. you totally are. i just know it. I kicked some cancer ass when my baby was 5 months old. You will too.

  13. MammaLoves says:

    Thank god I didn’t go on that diet! My ass is still big, so it’s plenty large enough to have your back (and your sides and your front and your top and your bottom).

    As the other awesome ladies above said far more eloquently than I ever could, you need a girl gang? You got it! And I’d even wear a Pink Lady jacket if you asked.

  14. LawyerMama says:

    I clicked over here through Bon’s site. I can’t tell you how sorry I am. But I won’t feel sorry for you, OK?
    I know you have quite a fight ahead of you, but you sound like a strong woman with so much to live for. My thoughts will be with you.

  15. Kristy says:

    You are cared about by so many whom you do not know by name. We send you our love, strength and courage. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Know that we are here.

  16. You’ll beat it. You’ve got the strength and the resources and the love to get past this.

    I’ll be cheering for you.

  17. coolbeans says:

    I’m here to cheer you on.

  18. You can do it. I don’t know you personally, but I can tell that you are one tough cookie. Go for it!

  19. I’m new to you too, and fresh from trauma of a whole different sort. I can’t relate directly to what you’re facing, but I can certainly relate to how it feels to be sent love, and light swirling all around you, from all over.

    So all my love to you, love and strength and ass-kicking chutzpah. Keep writing. It’s gorgeous, and priceless to both you and to everyone else out here rooting for you.

  20. I am praying for you. I am praying that you are strengthened, that you are encouraged, that your body is strong, and that you will always have the kind of support you need when you need it. I am praying for your doctors and for your complete cure from this stupid disease. Cancer sucks! But you are strong and you are going to beat this.

  21. NYfriend says:

    I like this mantra I came across:
    “My faith is stronger than my fear”.

    And this quote:
    “After a forest fire, the forest heals itself and is more lush than ever.”

    You are the steadfast forest, WhyMommy, and you have the faith and the moxie to take this battle on.

  22. Molly says:


    You don’t know me. I found my way to your blog by reading about you on Mothering.

    I just thought my mother’s story would be uplifting for you right now.

    6 years ago my mother was breastfeeding my youngest sister who was 3 years old at the time. My sister began to refuse one breast. My mom found a lump in that breast. She was diagnosed with Stage 3 Breast Cancer that had travelled into her lymph nodes. She had surgery then went through chemo and radiation.

    My mom is a 6 year breast cancer survivor today! She is strong and healthy and vibrant!

    You are a strong mother and I know you will beat this!


  23. Sue says:

    I’m also a scientist (more of an engineer), a prof., and a mom. I found your story on MDC, and wanted to let you know that I’ll be bookmarking your site and trying to support you on your journey the best I can. I’m sending you healing thoughts and know you will get through this.
    Sue (athansor on MDC)

  24. Here from Bon’s site; I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. Best luck for a speedy remission. Take the greatest care of each other meantime.

  25. girl says:

    Sent from the friendly Canape.

    My Baboo had breast cancer, like many others she beat it, I have faith you will too.

  26. Suze says:

    I found your site through a google alert for breastfeeding. I read your site and was so scared for you. I’ve been checking back most days to see how you are. I’m really glad that you were moved to get more info about what was going on, it was obviously the right thing to do and now you can get on and beat this thing.

    I second the request for more poetry. You poem moved me and I came back three times to read it again.

    My very best wishes to you and yours, you will be in my thoughts each day.

  27. Robin says:

    Damn. Damn damn damn.

    You WILL kick this thing in the ass. The amazing strength you are showing is going to make sure of that.

    My hand is here whenever you need one to hold.

  28. jen says:

    Came here via MDC. You kick that cancer, mama, you kick it hard and you don’t stop kicking it until it’s good and gone. Just having the attitude you do will go a long way to getting you through this. Your family is in my thoughts.

  29. Wow. Cancer is bad. Defeat is worse. And even though I’m all the way here in Singapore, and I have never met you, and I don’t know you except by what you’ve written, I wanted you to know that your strength is an inspiration to me. Truly.

  30. lifewiththeothers says:

    How great that you got a speedy answer and quickly assembled treatment plan. The sooner you start the sooner it will be over. You’re right. No time to sit and mope. (But don’t be afriad to be sad – on occassion – if you need to!)

  31. My Aunt is a breast cancer survivor. I know you can do it too.

  32. Cassidy says:

    Here’s a blog from a mama who has been very successfully treated for IBC in the last couple of years. Hope it helps.

  33. Fanny says:

    Sending prayers and healing thoughts your way!

    You are a rock, water (troubles) washes over and away from you.

  34. Chani says:

    May you have peace with this ~ and recovery. I will be thinking good thoughts for you.



  35. Mrs. Chicken says:

    You’ve already proved you are a fighter and that your body is tough and your mind tougher.

    I’m here to help you stay tough. And I do pray, and I pray now for you and your spirit.


  36. jen says:

    the circle widens. we are here. we are listening. there is so much strength in that.

    you will rock this. you will and we will be here cheering and screaming and rooting you on.

  37. amanda says:

    You got us, you hear that?
    Every moment of every day one of us will be here traveling the pages of your blog,
    others will be sitting and watching their kids while thinking of you
    and others still will be using their blogs to introduce you to others.
    You are in our embrace and there is not pity, simply a wish for strength and a promise of companionship and listening any hour of the day. Blessings.

  38. Aliki says:

    Hugs and support–I know three women who fought and beat it, as I know you will too. The body is amazing, the spirit more so.

  39. crazymumma says:

    I can hear the strength through your writing.
    You ARE going to beat this.
    (I came over from Slouching Mommy’s way)

  40. Kelly says:

    I’m going to bookmark your site so I can come back here and celebrate with you when you beat this. My sister and MIL are both breast cancer survivors. I hate cancer!

  41. Mrs. Chicken says:

    ps – if you are up to it, would you guest post for me? Send me an email if the answer is yes. Any topic. You pick.

  42. Jenn says:

    Prayers, en masse.

  43. cat says:

    Sending you light and strength. You will have an army behind you for this battle.

  44. binkytown says:

    Whymommy- You can do this. I know you’ve got it in you to fight.I’m sending you all the good vibes I have.

  45. lilliberal says:

    The most important drug against cancer is the will to live and fight. You have those. I don’t see you ever giving in.

    You’re stronger than the cancer is. Go forth and conquer.

  46. Jessica says:

    I’m supporting you.

    I’ve seen the strong fight, and it’s so worth it. I know that with a strong spirit and a positive attitude you can do it, you can do anything…

    I’ll be waiting for the post someday that tells us all that you kicked this Monster’s ass.

  47. Spacemom says:

    okay, Deep breath.

    Cancer is just another part of you. Just like you are a mom, a teacher, a scientist, a wife, a friend, a lover, a cancer patient.

    It does not define who you are.
    But I have faith that you will fight the good fight.


  48. I am praying. Praying HARD. For all of you incredible women out there, fighting this fight with everything they have… and for all the people who love and support you.

    My gift to you is this link to another amazing woman’s blog… Lawmom is also facing what you face, and I’m hoping that if the two of you are able to connect through the internet, you will be fountains of information and support for one another, as well:

    I will be thinking of BOTH of you, and checking back on you often, as you Show Us How It’s Done.

    You can do it!! Now, GO, Girl. We’re all here, right behind you.

  49. beanmom says:


    You don’t know me, but I found your blog through a link from another science mommy site, and I’ve been a dedicated reader for about a month now. I have found your blog inspiring on so many levels. Your posts show such strength and generosity of spirit–I know that you have the strength and courage for this fight. Even though we’ve never met, you are in my thoughts.

  50. KC says:

    You are young and strong and you will have this thing beat. No question.

    And if you need anything from someone else in DC, please let me know. I travel.

  51. Oh, The Joys says:

    I’m sorry I didn’t see this post sooner. The good news is that you have a community of women around you ready to kick breast cancer’s ASS.

    Much love,

  52. And KC’s too modest to say it in her comment, but she is a DOCTOR! So she should know…

  53. maggie says:

    Fuck Cancer. I’ve got a cross-stitch kit at home, just waiting. I’ll start it this weekend, and I’ll think of you.

  54. Kim says:

    I am sorry about your diagnosis. I know exactly where you are right now. I was just diagnosed with breast cancer last month. If you want to talk, just e-mail me. I’m thinking about you.

  55. d.m.m says:

    our best wishes and love to you..I read about you from a friend of yours via mdc.

  56. Josie says:

    Delurking to say you have my empthy – no pity.
    I have no doubt you will kick cancer’s ass.
    You are young and strong and the love from your family and friends will get you thru this.

  57. ewe_are_here says:

    I’ve come over from Slouching Mom…

    You will fight this with everything you have. Everything. Your babies will not lose you. Not now. Not to this.

  58. mamatulip says:

    Several of the blogs I read regularly have commented on your recent diagnosis. While I’m saddened to hear of this, I know you will beat it. I’m in your corner, cheering you on.

  59. Hol says:

    I came from Slouching Mom.

    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  60. i’m also here from slouching mom, feel love and prayers from seattle from someone whose cousin kicked cancer and wrote an amazing poem about it for the American Cancer Society…

  61. ByJane says:

    I too came from Slouching Mom…and I too am sending positive vibes, fervent prayers, good thoughts,and whatever-gets-you-through-the-night, from California where the sun is always shining, even when it’s not.

  62. Just from reading a little bit here, it seems obvious: cancer picked a fight with the wrong broad. Go get ’em!

  63. Mary says:

    I can’t add anything original to the voices of all the others commenting here. But I can say that all my white light, positive energy and prayers are directed toward you and your family. You don’t know many of us, but we are a community. We are here for you. Stay strong, and focus on healing yourself and loving your family. As a previous comment said, it seems obvious that cancer picked a fight with the wrong broad. Much love, Mary.

  64. Heather! says:

    Your boys will give you no time to slow down and rest. I really loved the interaction between them when the baby started crawling. That will keep you busy. Stay strong!

  65. deb says:

    I’m saying a prayer for you and sending you a hug. You go girl. Came here from slouding towards 40.

  66. Priscilla says:

    You will be in my prayers for sure! I just found your blog today cause your title caught my eye. I hope I get to know you more from your past entries and even more and more from future entries! GOD BLESS!!!

  67. Mia says:

    I found you through Bon, who also introduced me to the lovely and eloquent Kate at sweet|salty …

    Very best wishes to you and your family, and strength and hope. You’ll have an army of women fighting with you through the ether.

  68. whymommy says:

    You all are beautiful. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. [And the canard that no one reads comments past number 30/60/100? Bullshit.] I have read and re-read you all, and your words will be with me in my heart as I go forward.

    In fact, I think I’ll take you all with me to chemo next week. Just imagine 67 cool mamas squeezing into the chair next to me! That will keep me smiling….

  69. Lizzy says:

    here via canape: i keep you in my prayers.

    be strong–you have many, many, many women fighting the fight with you.

    best to you and your family

  70. jen says:

    Hey. You keep your head up. My mom starts chemo that same day, so you bet your name is going in my prayer bracelet ASAP.
    You and your whole family are in my prayers.

  71. Wishy says:

    You are most definitely in my prayers.

    Power to you!

  72. monaviemom says:

    I read about you through holistic moms network email loop… I am praying for you and know that with GOD all things are possible!!! “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 Know that you are a precious child of God and you have many sisters in Christ praying for you daily. Your courage and strength is an inspiration to us all. God even uses our trials to make something beautiful …

    I’m new to the holistic network and am blessed to have found this group of women who have a passion to educate and care for their families and each other. I have always had a desire to help others so I am passing on this information to you. About seven months ago, my family started drinking a nutritional beverage called MonaVie. It consists of 19 different wild and organic fruits with the Acai berry as the crown jewel of the group. It has amazing phytonutrients and antioxidants which help fight off oxidative stress and free radicals that cause damage to our body’s cells. I have personally met people and have family members, including myself, who have had amazing health results from drinking this juice. The company makes no claims of curing or preventing any disease. I have met people who were diagnosed with stage four breast cancer and other types of aggressive cancer, they drank the juice and are now cancer survivors. I cannot promise you any type of results from drinking this, I can only share with you what I know. If you are interested in learning more about this product you can reach me via email and/or visit our personal website at I look forward in hearing from you and I will keep you in my prayers. May God bless you and your family. Stay strong and encouraged, knowing we are all here for you!!!!!

  73. […] news is a reminder to us all of the importance of self-exams and regular check-ups.  Last week, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She will begin chemotherapy shortly.  But WhyMommy wants no sadness and no pity, because she is […]

  74. […] I rediscovered that blog. Whymommy is the mother of a 2 year old and an almost 6 month old. And she found out 7 days ago that she has inflammatory breast cancer […]

  75. Jules says:

    2 years ago I was where you are today. My first chemo was July 13th 2005. My son was 6 at the time. I didn’t want the pity either..I just wanted I know what you’re feeling there.

    My prayers are with you as you begin this journey and if there’s anything I can do for you, please feel free to contact me.

  76. […] news is a reminder to us all of the importance of self-exams and regular check-ups.  Last week, she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She will begin chemotherapy shortly.  But WhyMommy wants no sadness and no pity, because she is […]

  77. ohamanda says:

    Found your blog thru…somebody…and I’m praying! Be encouraged!

  78. […] might also read the writings of Whymommy at ToddlerPlanet. And if you do, you know she was recently diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer (IBC), a particularly insidious form of breast […]

  79. […] Canape’s best friend, WhyMommy, was diagnosed with breast cancer today. It sucks. Many thoughts and prayers sent her […]

  80. […] One of the wonders of the internet is how people who would otherwise be complete strangers can connect with one another. The reality of this slammed me in the face again earlier in the week when I learned that one of the bloggers that I really enjoy, whymommy, has been diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer. […]

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