The leaves outside the nursery

The leaves outside the nursery window have changed from green to yellow to yellow-tinged-with red.  The acorns have fallen off the trees at the playground, and the sidewalks in our neighborhood are littered with maple and oak.  We have had a long and pleasant autumn in D.C. this year, and I have enjoyed almost every moment of it. 

Defying earlier expectations and the outcomes of some with my disease, I have not only survived but become more healthy this fall.  I can now go to playdate in the morning, and, after nap, play with my children and perhaps do a load of laundry in the afternoon.  I can feed my baby formula — from a cup — and pick him up and cuddle him when he’s done.  I can cook him bite-sized vegetables (he just started eating peas and carrots today — and he loves them!), and play with both the boys over a long lunch.  I can go out to dinner with my husband, and put my baby or little boy to bed when we come home.

My tumor is shrinking.  The inflammation is much less, the redness subdued, and the weight much lighter.  The swelling is going down.  My chest still hurts, but the pain is more controllable and has lessened greatly.  I’m still nauseated, but nothing like I was in August.  I’ve lost my appetite, but I remember what foods I like and I can certainly make myself eat when I must.  My nose and stomach are not yet healed, but I can keep food down now and I’ve stopped losing weight. 

My hair — even my hair — is starting to grow back.  This afternoon, as I was putting Widget down for nap, he pulled my cap off, looked critically at me, and asked, “Mom, is dat new hair?”  I smiled and said yes, for there is new peach fuzz all over my scalp, coming in thick and strong.  He looked again, thought, and asked, “It grow long again?” 

Yes, honey, it will.

As I rocked your little brother to sleep tonight, I noticed that the leaves outside the nursery are still changing.  I am determined to be here to watch them come back in the spring.



42 Responses to The leaves outside the nursery

  1. Just reach in and touch the heart in so many ways. This is why you have something from me…on my blog. 🙂

    Using My Words

  2. So glad to read that you’re feeling better and even more importantly – able to see see and feel the changes. *hugs*

  3. Mia says:

    I have tears in my eyes — this post is beautiful. I’m so proud of your strength, and so glad to have found your blog — it gives me hope for humanity. Sound a little broad? It is, I know, and I don’t mean to put that weight on your shoulders. But when I read posts like this, it makes me — teary. Well written, my dear. I’m so glad you’re feeling good these days.

  4. Stimey says:

    You made me smile really big tonight. Hope, indeed.

  5. Colleen says:

    Oh, I’m so very glad for you. So happy you’re feeling better. Keep it up!

  6. ohgrammy says:

    We share your happiness! Hugs.

  7. amanda says:

    I always worry that my comments will go too far. I believe that you will beat this, so forgive me for saying this, but the spirit of what you have done and the way you have done it, well it reminds me of Charlotte. You’ve spun this incredible web, teaching us all so much. And you have all these little spiders who’ve gone off and built more webs, beautiful and distinct, but crafted after the original, and instead of Wilbur, we are letting the world know about IBC. And we are learning about ourselves and our own strength and it as all because of you, wonderful indomitable you.

  8. Anne says:

    I’m so happy for you! I know it must feel so wonderful to feel yourself becoming stronger and healthier.

  9. Seriously, this post made me want to stand up and clap.

  10. Alice C says:

    This is a milestone day too!

  11. Robin says:

    My heart is full of joy this morning reading your post. You will be here to see those new leaves in the spring, and the ones in years to come as well.


  12. Veronica says:

    I am so so glad that you are feeling better and stronger.

  13. Beautiful post.
    Beautiful imagery.
    Beautiful HAIR.
    Beautiful WhyMommy.

    I’ve got a wet keyboard again.

  14. I am crying and smiling and clapping, too. SOOOO glad you are feeling better and stronger. You amaze me and inspire me. I could never say it enough. Go Whymommy!

  15. What a wonderful way to start the week!! Thank you, Whymommy… I can’t even begin to tell you how you lift up my heart.

    It is all such wonderful, amazing news!!

    Love to you, as always, CGF xo

  16. If it weren’t enough to have that unbelievable picture of Little Bear, and the fabulous news about how much better you’re feeling…

    I also got to read a wonderfully touching and poignant post.

    Beautiful. And I’m so happy about it all!

  17. Damn, now I’m crying at work again. I am so overjoyed that you’re feeling better and getting better. I want to give you a great big hug!!! Instead I am sending them along with my continued thoughts and prayers.

  18. Holly says:

    Ahh! I’m all choked up and grinning too!

  19. Aunt Pat says:

    You are in out thoughts everyday and in our prayers. Hang in there , I know if anyone can beat this , you can. Take care. Love from all !

  20. mayberry says:

    Wonderful news! And what a wonderful way to start my morning, up to and including the delightful picture of Little Bear.

  21. Julie says:

    I just found your blog last week and spent most of the weekend reading it. Thank you for sharing your life- your way with words is beautiful and so are your boys!

    Colchester, Vermont

  22. Mrs. Chicken says:

    Oh, Whymommy. You will be here, renewed just like the little green leaves and the flower buds.

    What good news, really, wonderful news.

  23. ggirl says:

    I’m all choked up, too, and *so* proud of you! What wonderful news that you’re feeling so much better and able to do more. Yaaaaaay!

  24. dishywinnie says:

    I only found your blog a few days ago and feel so blessed by it – so pleased you are feeling improvement and healing


  25. ree says:

    This is such wonderful, wonderful news…..I’m so happy for you –

  26. Nicole says:

    Oh I’m so happy to read this, and have tears in my eyes too. Wonderful news and another wonderful read.

  27. deb says:

    I’m so happy to read your words, to know that things are working, that you’re feeling better. Your words made me smile, thank you for that.

  28. This is such wonderful news. Your son noticing your hair growing back and asking if it will be long again is so poignant, as is your parallel fierce determination to be here when the leaves start growing back too. I’m so happy for all of you.

  29. Thank you for this post. It was unclear to me, and probably to many, just exactlly how you were doing. This really puts things in perspective with such encouraging news. It makes us all so happy to hear about all these great signs of health!

  30. KillerBoob says:

    Beautiful post. If I knew how to give out blog bling I would be giving it to you now…

    and whoo hoo! hair growing back. (along iwth all the other good stuff). I’ve got a smile on my face for all that good news from you!

  31. cynthia says:

    Such a beautiful post. So happy to hear all the good news!

  32. Bon says:

    you break my heart with the longing and strength in your words.

    i am so glad the tumour is shrinking, and you can eat and the pain is less, at least…such good things. such hopeful things.

    and i will wait with you for spring.

  33. Jacquie says:

    It is amazing what these little ones notice. Sweet beyonds words.

    I’m so gald to hear the tumor is shrinking! Yay WM your kicking butt well it seems.

  34. Spacemom says:

    Great news indeed!

    Can I come and pat your head? 🙂 New hair is wonderful!

  35. Christy says:

    I am sitting at my desk, doing a little happy dance for you 🙂 Your words have brough such a sweet smile to my lips.

  36. […] update last night, I realized it had been a while since I’d been brutally honest about it.  If you missed it, I want you to know that it’s okay.  I’m doing better.  I’m hoping for good […]

  37. That is just SO, SO wonderful!

  38. Ally says:

    Love and hugs! This is a great update. All of these things you can do now! Fantastic.

  39. zamejias says:

    That’s great news! More will be coming your way. 😀

  40. […] and thank yous Little Bear was apparently not ready for peas and carrots last week after all.  His baby allergies — dairy, soy, corn, wheat, pitted fruits, and […]

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