Every now and then, someone asks me what it feels like to have cancer and weekly chemotherapy. Today, this is how it feels:
- the nausea comes and goes, and comes again, making my stomach hurt with the churning;
- i have no appetite and cannot taste even my favorite dinners prepared by my loving husband (don’t tell him, okay?);
- my body aches;
- every large bone in my body feels like a knife, piercing in the joints and sockets where they connect;
- the medicine i took to relieve the pain made me slightly goofy, embarrassing me when a friend called at 9:00 this morning;
- i am so tired at the end of the day i can barely drag myself to bed; and
- sadness, although that lessened when i remembered that the other symptoms are merely side effects from the chemotherapy, NOT the cancer.
So I end the day much as I try to end every day. Frustrated by the pain, saddened by the presence of the cancer, but HOPEFUL that tomorrow will be better, GRATEFUL for a day spent with my husband and little children, and DEDICATED to living each day so that at dusk I can say that the good outweighed the bad.
And tomorrow will be better.