I’m not done yet.

Like every mom, I’m pressed for time.  And like every mom, I have so much to do.  Laundry.  Dishes.  Hugging my little boys tight.  Helping them learn.  Learning through play.  Work.  Learning through work.  Teaching them a routine.  Breaking the routine.  Laughing.  Catching snowflakes on our tounges.  Introducing them to hot chocolate.  With marshmellows.  Preschool.  Hugging away the tears, and smiling bravely when we say goodbye.  Smiling again when we meet again after school.  Cramming in two hours of work during preschool and the baby’s nap.  Making plans. 

Making plans.

As I said to Judy this morning, I have lots to do yet in this world.  And so does she.  Even though she’s having a terrible day today (she was just diagnosed with inflammatory breast cancer), she has a lot left yet to do.  I know she does.  I can hear it in her voice.  I want to be there for her.  I want to support her and anyone else who comes along the internet and finds me with a new diagnosis of IBC.  Because it is a terrible disease.  But it’s one that can be fought.  And the fight can be won.  I know.  I’m a survivor.  I’m so close to beating this thing.  6 days (plus recovery and radiation), to be precise.

6 days.

I can’t believe it’s so close and yet so far away.  The days can’t go fast enough, in my mind, because the cancer is starting to rear its ugly head again.  I’ve had shooting pains in my breast for a week now, and the breast has begun to swell.  The nipple is retracting (Should I say that here?  Why not?  As I told Gunfighter, they’ll be gone next week) and I can tell that the cancer is beginning to grow again.

But it will not grow faster than I can fight it.

I have things yet to do.  This spring alone, in addition to raising my boys, I have to plan that conference breakfast, begin work on my new NASA grant, get that article in the Post, and make plans for the rest of my life.  Because it’s going to be a long, happy, and productive one.

Of that, I am sure.

dollhouse

Little Bear and the boys’ house.  Even though he mostly likes to put the furniture down the stairs, he loves to play with it.  And I think that’s pretty neat.  I want to be there as he learns to do pretend play too.

Reason #6 for looking forward to surgery:  Because I’m not done yet!

candidate6days

25 Responses to I’m not done yet.

  1. You can do it, Whymommy… you’re almost there!!!

    And WE’RE here, too– cheering you on, every, single step of the way.

    Roll on, Surgery Day!!

    xo CGF

  2. Jessica says:

    Rock on – you are an inspiration. I hope these days pass in a flash for you.

    These are my first public good vibes for you, but I am a longtime lurker and have had you in my prayers for awhile now. (Hope you don’t think that is stalkerish or schmaltzy!)

    Linking to you and sending you love!

  3. You can and will beat it–you are there in just a few days! I hope for you that the days go by fast, too, and that the recovery is as easy and uncomplicated as it can be, so that you can get back to living your life on your terms again.

    I am, as always, sending thoughts and prayers your way. You rock!

    Hugs!!!

  4. Monica says:

    The stairs thing is funny. Marielle likes to drop her little people down the elevator shaft of the garage. Glad to hear that kind of behavior is normal. Or if not normal, at least common!

  5. fizzledink says:

    Six days – I can’t believe it. You are SO CLOSE, WhyMommy. Have a great week. I’m praying for you & keeping you in my thoughts.

  6. tracey says:

    6 days! I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you must be feeling. Hang in there… Sending you love…

  7. whymommy says:

    Monica — completely normal! At least I hope so!

    Jess — I’m so glad you’re here! I think your new blog is GREAT for parents in the area and am talking about it with friends already. (Hear that, UrbanMama?)

    Whee! Roller coaster is right!

  8. Coco says:

    Just a few more days to go! Prayers for you and for a speedy recovery.

  9. Sandy says:

    Prayers are with you and your family. You are so strong to be able to do this blog. It will help and probably already helped others. I shed tears some days reading the blog. I pray for you daily and for all cancer patients that they can find a cure for each type of cancer. God grant you the peace you need to get through this surgery and recovery.

  10. Bon says:

    i too breathed a great happy sigh when i discovered that moving toys from one floor to the other of the playplace is…um…normal.

    yay, kids!

    and yay, you. lots to do. you have fine priorities. we’re with you.

  11. Angela says:

    You are a busy mom.
    With all you have to do don’t forget to rest.

  12. NYfriend says:

    Awesome set of plans!

    Furniture & dolls down the dollhouse stairs are common here too! Often quite the pile up happens. Funny to see so other people commenting on this. 🙂

  13. Jenn says:

    I’m certain that you’ve only just begun.

  14. Stimey says:

    Hell, yeah. Sooo close.

    Also, the furniture down the stairs thing? When Sam was that age, his FAVORITE game was “throw balls down the (real) stairs.” We had a lot of balls. He’d throw ’em over the baby gate ’til they were gone, I’d go get ’em, and we’d start over. I guess they like bouncing.

  15. tansiekman says:

    Susan,

    You said it all in those three BIG words:

    “I’m a SURVIVOR”

    Praise God Woman!

    I do have a question. Do you have a plan in place to have someone update us that are here faithfully praying for you after your immediate surgery … and the several days afterward when you won’t be able to? I know that we all know you’ll be okay … but a word would be wonderful to know that you did okay, and you’re on your way to the rest of your life!

    You are on many prayer list, and I know I will be lifting you up in prayer that day.

    Tanya
    The Dairy Wife

  16. MummyCha says:

    And what about throwing food? Will it end one day??🙂

    Holding my breath until January 22. I am looking forward to your first after-surgery post about being free again! Like Tanya and everyone else, I’d love to get a bit of news in the meantime.

  17. whymommy says:

    Hmmmmm… Good idea. I’ll bring my laptop to the hospital but may be too rough for a while to update. I’ll update as soon as I can but maybe one of my RL friends would be willing to post a note on her blog that I came through the surgery ok. Will let you know this weekend.

  18. katy says:

    I read often but comment rarely. I am thinking of you..and it would be kind of nice is canape had her little bird about the time you had your surgery.. a new start for both of you at the same time. Good luck!

  19. hotfessional says:

    We’re there with you babe. Counting down and then counting up.

  20. NoRegrets says:

    Jeez. That IS aggressive. Hang in there…

  21. N. Taber says:

    Better yet – ask your RL friends to post your status as comments on your “last blog before surgery”?

  22. whymommy says:

    Great idea! I’ll ask Stimey to do that if she can; she’s also agreed to post status on her blog at Stimeyland….

  23. tansiekman says:

    Just checking back in and praying that God keeps his hands on you and around your breast, and holds that demon at bay, and that you will come through this cancer free.

    In my thoughts,

    Tanya
    The Dairy Wife

  24. Damselfly says:

    I believe you are totally not done yet! There’s so much to do.

%d bloggers like this: