Am not better today.  Am worse.  Am so, so very tired.  And there’s a strange recurring pain in my chest (right side, not my heart) that keeps appearing, just over my scar.  Probably just nerve damage from the surgery, but scary nonetheless.

The radiation burn is redder.  The skin under my arm continues to gray and fall off.  All painful, but mostly just annoying. 

The thing I don’t understand is where the fatigue is coming from.  How can I still be so tired after 3 days in bed?

P.S. to my moms group friends — I’m cancelling playgroup this week.  The dinosaurs will have to wait.

In memoriam: Laurie Bermel, IBC fighter diagnosed 2002, d. 3/26/08, age 36.


25 Responses to Fatigue

  1. Stimey says:

    I’m so sorry you’re feeling so bad. I’m thinking of you. I’ll email you.

  2. throwslikeagirl74 says:

    Hi there 🙂 I can’t remember if I’ve commented before (blame chemo brain) but anyway, just wanted you to know I’ve been reading your blog for awhile and I’m so sorry you don’t feel well right now. Sending good cyber vibes your way for a quick recovery. 🙂

  3. Sarah S. says:

    Keep resting! Tomorrow is another day 🙂

  4. Sandy says:

    I am so sorry that you are not having good days right now. Your body is trying to heal and all that you have been through you need to rest. I am praying for you that God will help you find relief from the pain.
    You will be right back in the swing of things soon and you will have many more play dates just for now rest.

  5. SarahK says:

    I am so sorry you are having a rough time. I cringe to think of your pain. May you heal quickly and bounce back to normal soon.

    Get better soon!

  6. SuzyQatHome says:

    I like to imagine the fatigue is from your body desperately trying to make new cells. Perhaps this a great sign that all the bad cells are gone?

    I’m so sorry that you’re feeling so poorly. I wish I could send you energy and pain relief, instead I’ll pray and hope that you’ll make it through these last couple of weeks with as little pain and fatigue as possible.

    And since I haven’t commented in forever (been away from the computer working on a house rehab), I also have to add that you looked spectacular at the Mom’s Club Wine Night deal in the black and white top. Loved it!

    Are you going to do a countdown on the days left of radiation?

    Sending love, hugs and prayers!

  7. Susan K says:

    You are pushing and doing too much and your body is rebelling. REST. I know you “feel good” and are anxious to be beyond being sick. But your body has been through a lot and it will be a while before you can really get back to what you were doing before and not get a revolt from your body. I work with a woman who didn’t return to work for many months after beating her breast cancer. she was doing physical therapy and just had no stamina.

    So don’t beat yourself up. Rest, relax, enjoy your boys. Take a break from these blogs.

    And I hope you feel better soon!

  8. Stacyg says:

    I hope you are feeling beter soon and that the fatigue subsides.


  9. Lisa says:

    Hugs and Love coming your way. We promise we will be ready to play when you are…please get well however long it takes. If you need us to do any playing with your angels please let us know.

  10. Oh, sweetie… I can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through– the pain and frustration and exhaustion of it all.

    Give yourself permission to rest, and to heal. We’re all out here, rooting and praying for you!!

    Sending you all our love, CGF and Girlies 3 xoxoxoxo

  11. I’m so sorry. And I’m thinking about you.

  12. mayberry says:

    It must be tough to feel that you are on the brink of being better but aren’t quite there yet. I am sorry.

    I’m sorry too that you seem to have lost several IBC friends lately. Maybe that is contributing to how you’re feeling.

  13. Nancy says:

    So sorry, Susan. I’m thinking of you lots, and you know I’m close by if there’s anything at all you need.

  14. Bubba's Sis says:

    Just rest, Sweetie. Fighting cancer can be exhausting.

  15. canape says:

    I’m sorry. I wish you felt better. I wish I had better words.

  16. Imstell says:

    Hang tough. You’re almost over, right? You’re so tired because your body has been in a constant state of repairing itself for 6 weeks now. And that doesn’t even count surgery or chemo! It takes an incredible amount of energy to regenerate all those damaged cells.

    I feel for you on the under arm sloughing! It’s the absolute worst! Not to mention a bit on the gross side! ugh!

    Just remember how far you’ve already come!

  17. clairej says:

    Sounds like you’re in One Day At A Time.. nothing better. sleep will not make you feel energetic, neither will rest. but you *will* keep. on. going. You have the strength – even if it’s only to keep on trudging.
    remember this is a marathon and you won’t feel better until the r/t stops. Then you *will* (f.b.), even without doing anything special or different.
    Are you experiencing mental tunnel vision? that spooked me nearly more than the tiredness/burning and i wished to goodness someone had warned me both about it and that it was only temporary.
    we’re listening, and with you (even in wierd time-zones).


  18. Kristen says:

    Wow you are inspirational.
    Keep fighting.

  19. Nicole says:

    I hope you feel better soon.

    Keep Resting, if you can.

  20. Feel well soon. Take it easy, even when you want to go-go-go.

    Sending good wishes and prayers! Hugs!!!

  21. Katherine says:

    I’m sure if you ask your doctor you can get the fancy version of this, but radiation is way more cumulative than chemo.

    Seriously, while going through chemo you may have been able to count on a certain schedule. Day one: sleep Day two: crap Day three: slightly less crap…and so forth. But with radiation you’re not going to have that same reliability where energy is concerned.

    Try not to worry this is normal. Sucky, crappy, unfair, and BS but normal. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.

  22. Brmom says:

    Hello Susan. I feel like everything I will write you already know, but just to say, one of my dearest friends underwent radiation similar to your treatments (lung cancer + lung removal) and she too experienced the progressing fatigue. I know you are keeping in good contact with your physicians, but stay on them for answers if you need them. It was as if the continuing burn from the radiation built up and as her body was constantly trying to heal from it, the effects progressed also. Does that make any sense?

    I just want to say, I think of you often, pray for you each day. You are remarkable and there aren’t words here for me to express my admiration for your incredible, loving spirit and the gift of your writing you share with each of us.

  23. Amelie says:

    Thinking of you. It sounds hard on all sides — radiation fatigue, losing so many fellow IBC fighters… I’m sorry.

  24. Mumma Boo says:

    Thinking of you, Whymommy, and praying, too. I was hoping that when I checked back today that you would be feeling better. I’m sorry to hear that you’re not. I’ve been following your site for a while now, and have learned so much. So, thank you. You are an inspiration to many and a true fighter. Take the rest that your body so desperately needs right now. You’ve been through alot physically, mentally and emotionally. Rest – you’ve earned it.

  25. ruthie says:

    It really IS okay to “give in” to the fatigue. Your body needs this rest to heal itself. It is telling you to go to bed. Everything and everyone will wait while you sleep. There is something about radiation that hangs around LONG after you are completely done with all your treatments. Mid afternoon naps will become your friends and you will have to have a paradigm shift in thinking and take off the “supermom/superwoman” hat that we all try to wear, especially when things aren’t going so well for us (moms). It does seem the opposite of what you want to do right now…you want to keep fighting, to not let this cancer slow you down….so you have a hard time wrapping your mind around what your body is telling you it needs and the truth is that in order for you to fight this and beat this, you are going to have to rest, and rest ALOT. Your body is fighting and restoring and renewing…and much of that is done when we are asleep. To rest does not mean that you are giving in to the cancer….It means that you are going to allow your body the time to gather up it’s energy and reserves to take this disease head-on!

    Keep fighting by getting the rest you need.


    P.S. I know that this (the necessary rest) is almost IMPOSSIBLE with little ones, unless you have a support system that will take them when you truely need to “check out” for awhile and sleep. I pray that you have just this type of support system close by.

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