Waiting for the storm

Today has been hell.

Also yesterday.

I’ve been waiting for some test results — a few of you noticed when I slipped in the words “bone bruises” and “patches on my lung” when we were talking about the oopherectomy a couple weeks ago — and it took a REALLY LONG time to get the results (as in, until five minutes ago).  I didn’t want to make anybody worry, but the waiting has been hard.

What would it be?  Bone bruises, metastasis, and a life of weekly (3 weeks on, one week off) chemo?  Or some simple mistake, oversight, and three weeks of unneessary worry freak out?

I didn’t know. And so I didn’t tell you.  (Until now.  The oncologist says everything’s okay. By comparing scans, she determined that the bone bruises observed were there last year, when I was diagnosed, so they’re not growing.  Which means not cancer.  Whew.)

Some advocate I am.

Waiting for test results is always nerve wracking.  It is.  I just forget.  I just get sucked down into the vortex of what-ifs, and it’s not a pretty place to be.

Also?  I cope with worry by cleaning.  My house is now SPOTLESS, if anyone wants to come over and visit (and by visit, I mean play wii in the basement after the kids go to bed).  No more cobwebs in the closets, dust under the bed, or weeds in the garden.  I even cut down some small trees in the back yard that were covered with poison ivy.  Okay, that wasn’t the BRIGHTEST way to wait (ask my hand, now swollen and red with infection), but it’s the best I could do.

and I guess that’s where I need to leave this post.  Some days, we just do the best we can.

Prayers today for our friend Julie Pippert, evacuated with everyone else from Galveston Island and the surrounding area in advance of Hurricane Ike.


25 Responses to Waiting for the storm

  1. liz says:

    oh thank goodness for the good news.


  2. Robin says:

    YEAH!!! Now you can have a better, relaxed weekend enjoying your family 🙂

  3. De Anna says:

    I noticed that you slipped those words and I think everyone else did too. I was holding my breath, checking back – wondering when we were going to hear.

    If your blog could hear, it would hear a million sighs of relief. 🙂

    Enjoy your weekend!

  4. Stimey says:

    I am so happy to hear this. I read those words too, and figured you would tell us when you were ready.

    You know. If you’re ever in need of a space to clean, I’m always here. Just sayin’.


  5. Margaret R. says:

    We absolutely noticed, and I think I’m probably speaking for everyone when I say that I have been tempted three or four times a day for the past three weeks to ask, “Any news yet?” But I didn’t want to be a pest, or to bring up a worry if by chance you were distracted from it at that particular moment, and I am SO RELIEVED to hear this news. Thank you for telling us so quickly.

  6. Margerie says:

    oh yah, scanxiety sucks. I signed myself up for some next week.

    Glad you got the “OK”

    Life is good!

  7. Yay! That’s great news!

    But you should not beat yourself up about not telling us – that’s your business to share when you want to share. Also, I think you’re an awesome “advocate.” I found a lump two months ago and it didn’t go away like the hormonal ones I have had in the past. Doctor and I just think Miss Lumpy is a cyst, but I’m going to have an ultrasound on Monday regardless. It’s people like you who have made me proactive. Ordinarily I would have just assumed that I was too young to have BC or I’d be fine because I have almost no family history apart from a great-grandmother who got it 60 years ago and survived after a simple surgery (total miracle, I know).

    As I said, I’m 99% sure it is nothing, but I’m getting it checked out because I now know better. And that’s all because of you. Thanks!

  8. magpie says:

    Good to hear that the bone bruises are nothing. The lungs too? I hope so, though you didn’t mention them.

    I love cutting down trees. Well, little trees that don’t belong where they are. There’s something very butch about it. Sorry about the poison ivy – I am desperately allergic to PI – allergic to the point of requiring steroid shots…so I hope your hand is better soon.

  9. Donna4k says:

    Back to a cluttered existence for a good long time! ( I clean when pissed off and every once in a while we look around and smile at our happy dirt:) Wishing you eons of weeds, dust bunnies,smudges on doors, and just enough chaos and clutter for a happy home. (hugs!)

  10. spacemom says:

    Hey- Great news, but please, you are human! Don’t stress about hiding. It’s okay!

    And I knew Julie was in the Houston area. Never thought she was on the coast! Yikes!

  11. Robin says:

    Wonderful news, what a relief!

    Much love,

  12. creativecrocheter says:

    Yes, I noticed. Yes, I’m thrilled with the good news. Yes, you’re still in my prayers daily. And yes, you’re doing a great job of living life fully through it all – thanks for the inspiration. Peace be with you.

  13. Amelie says:

    Very happy to hear this. I can’t imagine how hard the waiting must be. Have a wonderful weekend with your family.

  14. canape says:

    Your hand??? Seriously? Which hand? Because I WILL drive up there and kick you in the tush.

    Second thought, I’m going to sic my mother on you.

    It better not be that hand.

    Gloves? Do you have gloves?

    I’m upset.

    And also incredibly glad for your good news. (YAY!)

    But the hand.

  15. I am so glad the results were good. I know what you mean about waiting. Waiting is horrible.

  16. deb says:

    I’m glad everything was fine and I clean when I’m worried too. On the upside your house is spotless and you’re healthy.

  17. imstell says:

    Well, thank the good Lord for that one. I was turning blue over here from all the breath holding. Blue is so NOT my color. 😉

  18. carosgram says:

    I’ve been checking every day to see if you had gotten the test results. I didn’t want to ask cause I didn’t think you needed my anxiety on top of your own. So glad things look good. Thinking of you and wishing you the best

  19. elesha says:

    I am from Australia and I read your post every day, and I to was waiting for you to mention a little more on those sneaky comments Im glad you are ok and thankyou for this blog

  20. momma knows says:

    Yes, I noticed those words like everyone else, I was hoping for the best and checking in on you daily. So glad it was good news! I think your here for a reason, get used to it 🙂

  21. bcjenster says:

    Sometimes I think the waiting is even worse than the bad news. At least with the bad news you can make a plan. BUT I’m thrilled you don’t need a plan!


  22. Lisa says:

    I’ve got a beautiful pair of gardening gloves screaming your name 😉 So sorry about that!
    Launchfest ROCKED!

  23. whymommy says:

    You all are so wonderful. Thank you.

    Thank you.

  24. whymommy says:

    P.S. I’ve been wearing my gloves this week … both lymph and gardening!

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