On Monday I go back to the oncologist, for my quarterly checkup and a consultation about all this pain in my back ribs. My spine continues to rotate, as the bones and muscles are too weak to keep it in alignment, and I go to the PT weekly to have it readjusted and strengthened with exercises. It is not enough. Friday’s adjustments rarely last a weekend before the spine rotates again, causing me pain. After waiting for an appointment for days, I went back to the PT yesterday and was in pain again/still last night, and more so today. It is a struggle for me to walk around, to sit, to lie on my right side or my back. It is not easy.
Only the love for my husband and baby boys is keeping me from screaming out “THIS IS HARD” and just disappearing into a world of pain pills.
But for my baby boys and my husband (who I rarely mention here out of concern for his privacy, but who is always in my thoughts), I will go on. I will try. I will stand up and walk, sit down and play trains, and cuddle them as much as they need me to.
I would do anything for these boys, and I will.
Edited: Sorry for complaining. I would have deleted the whole entry, but my mom’s already read it, so oh well. Monday will come soon enough.
Edited again to add: Ah, well. Might as well let it stand. It’s been trying to get out for a week, and there it is. Week sucks. But some good came of it. See post from yesterday about the speech — and check out what happened when I posted the young mom’s dilemna over at Mothers With Cancer. I’m so proud of those moms, rallying to another’s side, when they’ve never even met the woman. I guess each of us can make a difference in someone’s life after all….