Happy starts today

today, I am ready
to take on the world anew
happy starts today

This week has been hard, both physically and inside my head.  But, like many things, it’s easier sometimes to fight the battles when they’re out in the open.  So I gave in to it for a day or two, then boxed it severely around the ears, and — I think — prevailed.  Today I woke up with just one thought: “Happy. Starts today.”  With that attitude and a little luck (and a whole lotta help from my PTs), I was able to have a wonderful day with my kids and parents-in-law at the Baltimore Aquarium, to have lunch and dinner out without any embarrassment, and to even go shopping socially in the afternoon.  Yes, it was difficult to try things on, and yes, I’m not even sure whether the shirts will fit properly when my wrap is removed, but, all in all, it doesn’t really matter.  I tried on clothes today and looked at myself full in the mirror, and saw — most of the time – only clothes, fitting or ill-fitting, but the fault this time was in the clothes.  Too tight around the belly?  Too loose in the bust?  The clothes were simply cut for a different body shape than mine.  I went back out and found something else.  Without tears.  Without blame.  Without cancer trying to run the show.

Today, with the help of my family, who carried my toddler and lifted him up to see the exhibits, who cut the kids’ sandwiches when I couldn’t grasp the knife, and who just had fun with me today, I went out — and cancer stayed behind.  Perhaps my first thought today will prove true after all: Happy. Starts today.

12 Responses to Happy starts today

  1. Kristin says:

    Lovely post. You deserve to be happy. Today. Yesterday. Tomorrow.

    I can imagine your (former) frustration in the dressing room. None of my clothes fit anymore – I’ve lost 40 pounds in six/seven months and I find myself buying a new size about every 6 weeks, living life in either the dressing room or in clothes that don’t fit. I’ve started cleaning out my closet and buying clothes that fit for the moment, the person I am right now. I’m sure there’s some greater lesson to be taken from that like live for the moment, stop trying to control (or even guess) the future, something, but I’m not sure what.

    I’m glad you had a good day with your family.

  2. marty says:

    It’s got to start sometime. The first day of Spring isn’t a bad choice.

    Love you.

  3. Bon says:

    i like that mantra, a lot.

    in my own dark days a riff from an old Townes Van Zandt song used to run through my head when i felt myself trying to push the present away from me…

    “days up and down they come, like rain on a conga drum
    forget most, remember some, but don’t turn none away”

    i’m glad yesterday was happy.🙂

  4. Linda says:

    I keep thinking lately of a line from a Sara Teasdale poem, especially when I’m reading your posts because I think you really do a good job of keeping this in mind (most of the time — hey, we’re human!):

    “I make the most of all that comes,
    and the least of all that goes.”

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  5. NYfriend says:

    I’m so glad you had a happy day! 🙂

  6. sprucehillfarm says:

    I like it! I am so glad you had a wonderful day! You deserve it. The aquarium is always a fun day! (I always forget you are so close,I have a hard time with it I guess because all my blog friends live far away and it is hard to put my mind around)🙂

  7. magpie says:

    “Happy Starts Today” is a great line. Really. I’m adopting it.

  8. mumma boo says:

    That sounds like a great day! “Happy Starts Today” is a wonderful mantra to live by. Keep it up! You deserve every happiness.

  9. CJ says:

    I don’t agree that it is ALL about the attitude, but I think it helps a great deal! You deserve to be happy! Enjoy it!

  10. April says:

    I’m glad you had a wonderful day with the kids, I’ll keep you in my prayers for continued healing.

  11. route53 says:

    Great mantra.. I was just writing about the 70s mantra..”Have a Nice Day”. I’ll have to follow you on Twitter.

    Erik (Route53)
    http://route53.wordpress.com

  12. Mandi says:

    Your strength amazes me and reminds me that it is possible to get thru the hardest times. I am not ready to embrace “happy” quite yet, but I hope you can…you deserve happy!

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