Trying again

Today I start treatment with a new physical therapist, this time at the rehab center.  She’s professional and methodical, and she’s going to start working on the back pain by doing something very interesting and yet INCREDIBLY PAINFUL.

She’s going to ice my chest and rip the scar tissue off the muscle.

Apparently the scar tissue from my double mastectomy has adhered to the muscles in front, pulling the muscles around back so that they hurt ALL THE TIME.  All the work we did at the other physical therapist was great in that it put the ribs back and helped strengthen the muscle, but (in this PT’s opinion) the scar tissue in front is so severe that it keeps pulling the muscle back, giving me constant medium-grade pain.

Which is consistent, as the pain has not improved over the last few weeks.  This is an attempt to fix it.  Or at least ameliorate some of the side effects of the surgery that have stayed with me this long.  Will it fix it entirely?  There’s no certainty.  But I’m slowly giving up my dreams of running again.

All I want to be able to do is to walk in the woods with my children.

I want to hold their hands, to walk steadily, to hoist them over the fallen logs, and to walk with them through nature.  I want to point quickly to show them a running dear.  I want to reach up to smell the tulip trees, and to bend down, pick up a leaf, and teach my children how to identify it, how to see what is different in this particular leaf, what makes it unique and special, and to appreciate it before we move on and walk past the roaring stream.

21 Responses to Trying again

  1. NoRegrets says:

    Oh my. It makes me cringe just reading it. Good luck.

  2. *m* says:

    Ouch. You are a trooper. Fingers crossed for good results and not too much pain.

  3. marty says:

    And because I am such a good friend, I too will give up running.

  4. Kate says:

    Oh my goodness! But, as you point out, the rewards of this could be enormous. Things like walking through the woods with one’s children are treasures, and ones that some of us take for granted all too often. Thanks for reminding me. And, best of luck!

  5. Kathy U says:

    You are an awesome mom and truly extraordinary person!

    Walking is good, easier on the bones and you get to enjoy the scenery.

    Hang in there.

  6. donna4k says:

    ewww seriously! ouch seriously…The least they should do is give you a medal, and everyone else who gets the torture for the cure treatment. I hope we all live long enough to remember these days as the dinosaur ages of cancer treatment, yegads.

  7. Spruce Hill says:

    Ouch Susan! I hopoe it helps to make you feel more comfortable. You are one tough cookie!

  8. Stimey says:

    Oh, dear lord. Good luck! I hope it helps!!!

  9. Robin Hurwitz says:

    You are a strong, courageous woman!
    Keeping you in thoughts and prayers.

  10. Adam says:

    HBdTU, HBdTU, HBdDS, HBdTU! AMMrrrrr! Sorry about the muscles. Don’t give up on the running.

  11. amanda says:

    You will. Always, you will.

  12. mrs.chicken says:

    You will bear it, because you can. And because you have love backing you all the way, from your boys and from us, too.

  13. NYFriend says:

    OMG! I sure hope that works, geez that sounds painful. You are an amazingly strong woman. I know you will find a way to keep taking those walks in the woods, you just will.

  14. Bon says:

    Susan, that just sucks. totally sucks. i am sorry for all the pain. and i do very much hope that your goal of walking in the woods with your boys is one you can realize, and soon. it is not too much to ask, and everything, at the same time.

    and, uh, i noticed Adam’s cryptic msg. is it your birthday?

  15. whymommy says:

    Snort! Bon — yes it is! And Adam is my oldest friend. (We used to play at preschool together — and now we HAVE preschoolers!) Thanks for deciphering! 🙂

    We totally had cake twice this week already.

  16. Amelie says:

    That sounds so painful. I’m sorry. Is this a frequent complication? I hope the treatment helps!

    And happy belated birthday! May there be many, many more to come.

  17. Wow, I don’t know whether to cheer because they figured out why you’re in so much pain or cringe at the possible solution. I mean OUCH.

    Adam is right. Don’t give up on the running. You never know what might happen!

    Hang in there, those long walks in the woods are just around the corner.

  18. […] I drive an hour to physical therapy, where my PT will rip the scar tissue off my chest muscles and send me home with orders to […]

  19. clifford says:

    Dude. I am such a bad friend. Completely forgot it was your birthday. So I shall make up for it now. Happy 29th Sus!

  20. clifford says:

    Hey. You forgot “and be able to properly demonstrate to them the three-quarter arm slot’s effectiveness in throwing cut fastballs” at the end of that 2nd to last paragraph. HTH.

  21. Ally says:

    Wow, this sounds so painful and awful. I hope and pray that it WORKS!

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