Today I start treatment with a new physical therapist, this time at the rehab center. She’s professional and methodical, and she’s going to start working on the back pain by doing something very interesting and yet INCREDIBLY PAINFUL.
She’s going to ice my chest and rip the scar tissue off the muscle.
Apparently the scar tissue from my double mastectomy has adhered to the muscles in front, pulling the muscles around back so that they hurt ALL THE TIME. All the work we did at the other physical therapist was great in that it put the ribs back and helped strengthen the muscle, but (in this PT’s opinion) the scar tissue in front is so severe that it keeps pulling the muscle back, giving me constant medium-grade pain.
Which is consistent, as the pain has not improved over the last few weeks. This is an attempt to fix it. Or at least ameliorate some of the side effects of the surgery that have stayed with me this long. Will it fix it entirely? There’s no certainty. But I’m slowly giving up my dreams of running again.
All I want to be able to do is to walk in the woods with my children.
I want to hold their hands, to walk steadily, to hoist them over the fallen logs, and to walk with them through nature. I want to point quickly to show them a running dear. I want to reach up to smell the tulip trees, and to bend down, pick up a leaf, and teach my children how to identify it, how to see what is different in this particular leaf, what makes it unique and special, and to appreciate it before we move on and walk past the roaring stream.