“Own it.”

Her words haunt me, echoing through my mind, looking for a place to stay, to settle, to make their own.

I know there is meaning there, and depth, and that all will be revealed once I truly grasp it, but for now I struggle still, wondering if this is really what she meant, if there really is beauty and peace in accepting responsibility for one’s actions, for one’s wishes, for one’s limitations.

Her words were liberating when I heard them, and have been challenging me ever since.

I’ve been doing something else challenging the past few days, something that I’ll tell you all about on Friday, but suffice it to say that it’s been something difficult for me to do. Something that takes going out in public and putting myself out there again. Meeting new people who don’t know me, and ask innocently, “What happened to your arm?” (or rudely: “What did you do to yourself?”) Walking back in pathways I’ve walked before, but as a different person now. Finding myself in places that I knew I’d be again, but with a totally different perspective. It’s wonderful and scary and liberating and a little freaky all at the same time.

I didn’t expect it to be. I expected it to be simple, straightforward, a step back to what I know I can do. But, after all that has transpired over the past 5 years, I find that I’m a different person now.  I care about different things. I value connections on a different level.  Not more, not less.  Just … different.

And as I walk back into that room, I have to stop myself from apologizing or temporizing.  I have to walk in there, bandaged arm, different life, and all, and … well … own it.  This is my life now.  This is who I am.

This is who I am.

8 Responses to “Own it.”

  1. NYfriend says:

    You have always been who you are. 🙂 You are a very strong woman, and whatever challenge you have undertaken, I know you will rise to it with strength.

    Hugs.

  2. Angela says:

    Absolutely! You have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be embarrassed about. You beat the odds and came out stronger on the other side of a battle that so many are lucky to never face. You have every right to stand tall, walk in smiling and yes, own it.

    You’ll probably never know just how many people you’ve inspired, how many think about you and all you’ve done and it helps them get up and face whatever it is they have to face. But we’re out here, out here by the dozens, hundreds, who knows how many. And we’re all so proud of you.

    I can’t even tell you how giddy it made me to see your comment on my blog today. I told my husband and he knew just who I was talking about. You’re famous😉 in all the ways that really count.

  3. Becky says:

    and what a wonderful “am” you are! Inspiring, courageous, caring, thoughtful…I aspire to be the kind of “am” you are.

  4. kelly says:

    Oh, I am so honored. I am so humbled by this link, by you. I am so glad that blogher brought us together, brought me here. I’m so glad that even one word reached out to touch you. I carry you with me. I carry your struggles and your faith and your friendship. I hope that you know that. I think, as women, we work to empower each other. I feel blessed to have your blog, your words, you, in my life now.

  5. magpie says:

    Yes indeed.

    Kelly was awesome, and “own it” has been ringing around in my head since then as well.

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