Looking forward, again

Okay, universe, did you READ my last post about the past and the future?  Did you SEE how I didn’t mention Cancer in my future ONE TINY BIT?  Did you see that I’d even left advocacy behind, in hopes that it would remove the gram of sadness that walks with me every day, tugging on my skirt, asking for attention?  Did you not GET the messages I left on your karmic answering machine?

And yet, I’ve had three — no, four — reminders this week that perhaps my advocacy work is not done.

1. The Health article about IBC and me has just been reprinted in “The Annals of …”, and is now being used in classrooms.  I found out because an e-friend and fellow IBC survivor, Aimee, wrote to me and told me that last week’s class assignment was to report on that article or one of four others.

2. My original IBC post and the one where I found my cancer are now being reprinted in “a small Bay Area parenting magazine” that Jessica works for.  Whoa.

3. I received an email out of the blue last week from a woman who was just diagnosed with breast cancer, looking for a cancer buddy.  She was starting chemo the next day, and she found a message I’d left on the Mothers With Cancer message board a year ago, offering to hold patient’s hands as they walked this lonely journey.  I honestly hadn’t thought of it in ages, but we’ve exchanged a dozen messages now, and it honestly doesn’t feel scary like I thought it would.  Instead it doesn’t feel like enough.  (Please pray for my cancer buddy, Denise.  She has three of four chemo treatments to go.)

The last arrived just moments ago.  KT, one of our MWC writers, passed away.  I’m on my way to her blog, to leave what comfort I can in the few words that I have to give.  It’s too late for her, but she leaves behind a husband, children (Emma, Leah, Frances, and 3 year old Jesse), and a world of hurt.

How can I just walk away?

6 Responses to Looking forward, again

  1. whymommy says:

    By the way, you can read about KT’s diagnosis (just a few months after mine, also while nursing her baby) here
    http://ktscoop.blogspot.com/2006/10/how-i-found-my-cancer.html

    and when she developed lung cancer, two years later, here:
    http://ktscoop.blogspot.com/2008/11/cancer-likes-me-it-really-likes-me.html

    Cancer sucks.

  2. upsidebackwards says:

    So, this is part of your journey too. You knew all along plans could change, I’m sure. And you are really really good at taking these changes and turning them into wonderful positive things, for yourself and for others. Best of luck to you. And hugs.

  3. So sorry to read you’ve lost another friend. I applaude your efforts to make their stories known.

  4. Keep up the good work! You never know how your experiences are used in the lives of others. It would have been helpful to have had a network like yours when I had my first diagnosis. And, though my children are grown and some of my grandchildren are older than your children, my heart still aches for them. No matter your age, you never want your children to have to experience hearing unwelcome words from a doctor. I pray for the day when cancer is preventable and/or curable!!! Ditto for Parkinson’s.

  5. NYfriend says:

    My deepest condolences for KT. As you said, Cancer SUCKS.

    How can you walk away? You can’t. Not you, not with your depth of strength and compassion and your passion for education and making things “better.”

    You are too much of a gem to the plight of Cancer Survival to step away forever. I know that’s not what you want, and hopefully you can take breaks from that world when you really, really need them.

    I had more to say but the kids need me and I want to get this out now.

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