After the oncologist…

So. The scan was Wednesday.  The results came Friday at 5. I told you guys Saturday morning, and 100 of you have already come by and left me sweet notes on this site, wishing me well and keeping me well-stocked with hugs.  Thank you.

Thanks also to my MARVELOUS D.C. friends — Moms Club friends who have rallied and are helping me make appointments, blogger friends who are picking me up and taking me to blogger parties to keep my mind off of things, and all of you here and on FB.  It’s been an easy weekend, in sharp contrast to the very tough days I had Thursday and Friday.

Today we went to the oncologist.  After waiting an hour and a half, she came in to tell us the same things we’d been told by the primary care doc on Friday.  Plus she’s got a consult lined up with the surgeon for tomorrow, and they’ll schedule me for a surgical biopsy later this week.

We talked again about the options.  Here’s her take:

a) lymphoma?  Possible.

b) inflammatory breast cancer recurrence?  Possible.

c) metastasis? Possible.  A recurrence would BE metastasis, though, so there actually isn’t a distinction between b and c.  It would be metastasis, recurring locally in a distant area.

d) inflammation or infection? Anything’s possible.

Tomorrow, I wait for the surgeon’s assistant to call and schedule the ultrasound, consult, and surgical biopsy.  We won’t know anything else until we get the results.

I did get kinda good news — there is only a very small chance that this will result in a lifetime chemotherapy regimen.  I clung to that shred of good news like it was a golden ticket, and we celebrated by taking the family out to dinner.  It is good news, you see.

I don’t fear recurrence.  I don’t fear a new cancer (although my husband says if we do have a THIRD cancer in THREE years that he’s sending my tissue out for research).  In all honesty, I did fear a lifetime of chemo, since I don’t handle chemo all that well. I get tired. Exhausted tired.  And I wasn’t ready for that.

I don’t know how to sum up this post.  Good news? Great news? Sad news? No news?  Anyway. I’m taking you all along with me here, and this is where we are.  Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.



87 Responses to After the oncologist…

  1. magpie says:

    Fighting with you, however you need it.

  2. Becky says:

    And we are ready to fight with you. Hugs and prayers!

  3. Stimey says:

    Waiting with you. Ready to help you fight.

  4. jodifur says:

    Fighting with you, and standing right beside you.

  5. ClumberKim says:

    Here to fight with you too.

  6. I’ve said it before – you’re not alone. We’re all here, at least in spirit if not in body, to fight along with you.

  7. Kelli and Patrick Jones says:

    We are rooting for you. Hugs from us all.

  8. Colleen says:

    Praying for you. Have mobilized my mom and my aunt to add you to their prayer lists — and, let me tell you, these ladies spend almost ALL of their day praying. My aunt described her prayer regime to me today as this: “I go to the (Franciscan) Friary almost every day, I say the Rosary every night, I pray my hours (morning, midday, and evening prayer), and I pray for those who have asked me to pray for them.” My mom is the same, and if I want to send out the big guns, I ask my godmother, my Aunt Ceil. We are all praying for you. And will do whatever we can to help support you. You are wonderful and amazing. Much love.

  9. You are loved. We’re all here and fighting WITH you. XOXOXOX

  10. Stella says:

    Sending prayers and fighting thoughts!

  11. Darryle says:

    Yes you’re a fighter, you have an army of supporters behind you and you’re an incredibly inspiring leader.

  12. holli says:

    many, many prayers. x

  13. The New Girl says:

    I love how well you articulate re: the kind of support you want. I am amazed at your willingness and readiness to fight and although I hope you don’t have to, know that it is so inspiring to me (and I’m sure, lots of others.)


  14. Thinking of you and thanks for the update. My thoughts will be with you until the next update.

  15. Megan Huber says:

    You have to be the bravest person I have ever ‘known’. And I only know you cause of twitter. Sending prayers and good wishes from Lower Alabama.

  16. Darryle says:

    You are a fighter, you have an army of support, and you’re an incredibly inspiring leader.

  17. Michelle Baker Willis says:

    I am inspired by your ability to take all this in stride. I am sending you all the good vibes I can muster. The world needs more of you; you have so very much to offer. Hugs to you and your family.

  18. Nancy Darnell says:

    We Are Here For You, You And Your Family Your In Are Prayers,

  19. Don’t call it good or bad news. Just call it “news.” BTW, all cancer patients need your husband in their corner. He sounds like a “rock” for you and your kids.

  20. Glad I checked in. I’m going with HOPE. Why? Because it’s a lot easier emotionally to go with HOPE than what if negatives…at least for me. I’ve found that worrying about the negative stuff doesn’t make it any easier if any of it comes true AND if it doesn’t come true I’ve wasted precious time worrying over nothing.

    So, in times like these, I take what there is to cling onto and go with it.

    The waiting totally sucks but I love your focus on fighting.
    And please add me to your list of who to call for a ride, company, distraction, home cooked meal when I just can’t deal with it…etc. Will DM you my phone #s.

    big fat hairy hugs (cause you know I don’t do anything normal)

  21. Spacemom says:

    UGh..we are here to help you fight…

  22. spruce hill says:

    Oh Susan, I had no idea! Stay strong and fight what ever comes. After getting a mets diagnosis all we can do is hope and pray for a good outcome!It’s been a week for me and my head is still spinning

    • Susan (WhyMommy) says:

      I didn’t want you to know, Sarah — you’re definitely fighting your own IBC recurrence. I’m still waiting — and cheering YOU on. You know that.

  23. kgirl says:

    We fought with you before, we will fight with you again (If we have to. I hope we don’t. With everything I have, I hope we don’t.)

  24. ashpags says:

    More hugs, and hope for quick (and good) biopsy results!

    • Susan (WhyMommy) says:

      Thanks! But just so you know, you never want QUICK biopsy results. Pathology takes time because it takes time for the cancer to grow from the cells in the Petrie dish. The more agressive the cancer, the quicker it grows… And to prove that none is there takes the longest. So I’d much rather not hear results until next week, tough as the waitin game will be!

  25. Christina says:

    No matter the news, you’re surrounded by a lot of people who care about you and will do whatever we can to help you. You have your very own cheering section!

  26. Kristen says:

    I’m ready to fight. Or make you laugh. I told Derek you tried to uninvite me to chemo (not that there will be a need for chemo or anything) but he said maybe you didn’t want to get kicked out of chemo and that’s why I shouldn’t go.

    I don’t know what he is trying to say….

  27. Beth says:

    I’m ready to fight. Cheer you on. Whatever you need.

  28. Susan says:

    Count me in the fighting-with-you club.

  29. Yankee Wife says:

    I’m joining to fight the good fight with you. I wish you all the best!

  30. Fran Kolenik says:

    Hoping for the best possible news…

  31. marty says:

    I like the research idea. Whydaddy is not just funny, he’s smart too. You should hang onto him.

    I got tickled at everyone being ready “to fight with you.” I’m not going to fight with you unless you insult me really good. Go ahead, talk bad about my momma or something.

    Alright. Just kidding. I AM ready to fight with you. Much much love.

  32. Niksmom says:

    Rallying the troops…

  33. Fight fight fight!

    And let me know when and where to donate my hair.

  34. pgoodness says:

    Right here with you…keep us posted and hang in there.

  35. Jenrgw says:

    Fight. Fight hard!
    I’m a new reader to your blog but I’m reading every word and fighting with you.
    Hope you had a good dinner with your family.

  36. MaureenM says:

    Susan, if it is another cancer recurrence, you’ve got what it takes to win this battle. Go Team Susan!!!

  37. Susan says:

    You’re in my thoughts, hoping for the best for you.

  38. Bon says:

    on your side, whether you need to fight or just exhale and be hugged.

    hoping for the latter.

    but whatever the news, you are fierce, and you are loved.

  39. Amy says:

    You are so strong. I’ve learned so much from watching you fight with grace and courage. I hope you can feel all of us behind you, in your corner, when you get the news. We’ll be here waiting with you until then.

  40. Donna W says:

    If ever I find myself in your situation (and it could happen to any of us), at least I’ll know you led the way. I’ll be taking notes.

  41. Cassandra says:

    We are all here waiting with you. And ready to pounce and fight with you on a moment’s notice. Thank you for taking the time and energy to update your blog to let US know what is happening with you.

  42. NYFriend says:

    Waiting here with you too. Thank you for posting your update.

    Big hugs to you, I’ll be thinking about you. 🙂

  43. slouchy says:

    Ready, willing, and able to fight with you.

  44. Stella says:

    I’ll take it! Any news that’s not THAT news is good news in my book. Did your doctor say why a recurrence would not equal chemo 4 life?

    • Susan (WhyMommy) says:

      Yep. A recurrence would be breast cancer, and we just started aromasin last month — that would be the first line of attack, after surgery, so we’re actually AHEAD of the game there. Funny, eh?

  45. We’re here for you…

  46. Stephanie says:

    Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

  47. GTechMD says:

    Thinking of ya’ll and praying for good news in the days ahead.

  48. Kirstin says:

    Our thoughts are with you!!

  49. Waiting with you. (And my shit stomping boots are pulled out of the closet.)

  50. Joanna Moore says:

    You have a lot of supporters out here who are sending good wishes your way.

  51. My boxing gloves are ready. Just tell me when and where.

    So glad I got to give you a real hug yesterday. You look fantastic.

    love you!!

  52. Oh and the idea of you uninviting Kristen to chemo has me laughing so hard. She would DEFINITELY get you kicked out. Or we can bring poles and perform for you. That would make any recurrence retreat.

  53. I’ve spent a few nights away from the Internet and was stunned to come home to this news. But you are a fighter so whatever this is, you’ll make it sorry it ever came to visit you. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I’ll be anxious to hear your next report. Everyone here is ready to help you stomp out whatever “it” is. In my head I’m picturing Mr. T saying “I pity the fool” — yep, I pity the fool be it an infection or something else that tries to get YOU down.

  54. upsidebackwards says:

    Here’s hoping that the wait is the worst part! And, having read your reply above, that it’s a good long wait indeed. You’ve been in my thoughts constantly, I’m sending lots of love and hugs your way.

  55. JessicaAPISS says:

    If you’re ready to fight, I’m bringing backup.

    I’m glad that the chances of gnarly sucky chemo are low.

    But in case there’s still some doctor’s office waiting around crap, I think there are ample opportunities for us to bring poles for comic relief…if necessary.

    I’m putting the Clares in DC on the case. Those sweet little nuns are badasses in a fight.

  56. Elizabeth says:

    the thing about the chemo is good news. and please dont trouble yourself with always thinking about the results.
    I know that the waiting part is always the worst (I nearly got crazy when I found this hard little thing above my breast and I had to wait for 4 days for the results ) but as you said, the longer the test will take the better the outcome. and I really do hope that it will turn out good for you.
    *sending all my good thoughts*

  57. Joyinchaos says:

    Waiting with you. Praying for you.

  58. You can count on me to do anything I can to help you fight…if the need arises.
    I have made my “super duper cancer fighting cookies” for a number of friends at my church who have also fought cancer, some more than once.

  59. annettek says:

    I would give you all the fight I have in me too if it would help. ((hugs))

  60. Gift of Green says:

    Ditto, ditto, ditto and “What she said.” 😉 Also, I just have to say that I love Colleen’s aunt (8th comment)!!!!

  61. Ursula says:

    Delurking to send ((hugs)) and let you know I’ll be thinking of you and your family.

  62. NoR says:

    Seriously – I agree with your husband. But if you do get samples taken – get them to pay you for it! Money money money….will buy you more nice shoes.

  63. Kendra says:

    Praying for you and your family.

  64. Linda Lawrence says:

    Thanks for keeping us informed. We are praying for you! Love you! 🙂

  65. Becki says:

    Waiting to hear whatever the news is, praying for the best, and fighting along with you in spirit no matter what.

  66. Can IV poles be utilized for dancing? If not, Kristen may have to give you a lap dance, it it comes to that. And I damn I hope it doesn’t. But maybe if we plan for it, do some wicked choreography, then none of it will even be needed. That would be The Best!

    Kind of like the community wig plan which GoonSquad Sarah thinks is icky, but admitted she would contribute

  67. And so maybe this is what it will take, we make outrageous plans and won’t have to put them into action at all.


  68. Wendy says:

    Praying for you and your family!

  69. Deanna says:

    Hoping that it’s still just an infection, but ready to join your army if you need one (like “Dumbledore’s Army” but in this case “Susan’s Army”!).
    We’re all waiting with you, and praying that it’s something with an easy fix.

  70. Sending virtual hugs….

  71. Standing strong with you every step of the way even if it means learning to pole dance with an IV or wearing a wig with Sarah. Love you tons!

  72. Mr. Bad Scan ? His ass is grass and we are the lawnmower.

  73. Dawn says:

    I want a diagram of where the problem is – and then I want the internet to stare at the diagram and focus on it being healthy.

  74. susan, this may seem far-fetched, but do you think all the *extreme* physical therapy (the way you describe it sounds soooo very painful, if not a bit violent!) may have caused an internal inflammatory response, hence the nodes reacting? you’ve spoken of ripping fascia from muscle or vice versa (sorry if i’m not getting it right) and well…that just sounds like alot of internal mayhem. i am praying for the very best outcome…

  75. Every bit of good news deserves celebrating. I am wishing you luck and strength, and sending healing thoughts to you.

  76. Fighting? Oh yes, then I am in! We may not know each other well but women are a force that cannot be equaled. I admit that I can’t bake kick ass cookies like Sunday can but I promise you that I can pick up amazing take out food and be there in a jiffy if rides need to be arranged or kids need to be shuttled or whatever. Just let me know and I am there.

  77. Janine Davis says:

    Susan, Please know that Circle 5 at Briarwood is sending you hugs, love and prayers.

  78. Karyn says:

    We’ll be here fighting with you! Hope you enjoy the Pandora station…You’ll be in my prayers 🙂


  79. Kathy Shapiro says:

    Positive thoughts and hugs keep coming your way. The fight continues – I cheer your courage.

  80. JessTrev says:

    I vote for d! Thinking of you.

  81. Anne says:

    This sucks! Fight, fight, fight. We are here with you virtually, spiritually and … well you get the idea.

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