Decision Time

In just a few hours, I’ll be heading back to the oncologist for the results of my post-radiation PET scan, chest CT, abdomen and pelvis CT, bloodwork, and the report from my radiation oncologist.  We’ll finally find out whether the surgery and radiation killed the cancer cells in my body, or if they’re gearing up for another fight.

Whether BlogHer 10 will be all sweetness and celebration for me, or not.

Whether I can move on and go shopping with my friends this weekend, or not.

Whether I will get stronger and stronger as I have been the last several weeks as the radiation effects wear off, or not.

Whether I will get the chemo pill, or go to the hospital for the chemo infusions through a port in my chest every week or three.

Whether I will …

Oh, forget it.  You know what I’m saying here.  Big day.

I almost ended up going to cover President Obama’s speech at the National Urban League Conference tomorrow morning, squeezing it in just before my appointment, but I’ll simply be too nervous and too focused on getting there, so I passed at the last minute.  Justice Stacey,  TechSavvyMama, Minky, and Amanda will do a GREAT job in the blogger pool, and I’ll just tootle on down to the hospital for my appointment.  (You can watch the speech online here at 8 a.m. EDT, or check their blogs later tomorrow.  Very cool.)

I’m expecting very good news tomorrow (what else can I expect?), but until I hear the good news from my oncologist Herself, I admit I’ll still be a little nervous.

A little.

This week was a good one.  I spent a few days up at my mom and dad’s house with the kids, helping them have a good ol’ fashioned small town summer, complete with a trip to the fair.  We petted pigs, stood nottooclose to the cow wash, heard the goats complain about their pens, and watched the sheep look at us funny with those little tufts left on top of their heads.  And then, Iamnotmakingthisup, we watched a goat show.  The 4-H kids were showing the young goats they had raised, and the judge was calling out the results and the rationales at the end of each round like an auction caller. 

The children were fascinated.

And then, they climbed on the tractors.  All of them.  All sixteen hundred of them, as far as I could tell, as they test-drove-in-place machine after machine as if they were making a purchase, my little city boys.

We had a lovely time.

If I were Stimey, this post would be filled with pictures (and humor).

I’m not.  It’s not.  I’m just a little nervous about tomorrow.

Decision time.


28 Responses to Decision Time

  1. Niksmom says:

    Will say prayers for you and think good thoughts!

  2. allison says:

    I’M nervous — I can’t even imagine imagining how you feel. Very best wishes.

  3. Jew crew is prayin’ for you!

  4. Amy@UWM says:

    Wishing you the best news possible, Susan. You sounded great on the phone today — very strong!

  5. Kate @ upsidebackwards says:

    Holding you and yours in my heart (and my heart in my mouth – as Tom Lehrer might say, eww!) while you wait for the news. Hugs to all!

  6. @sweetbabboo says:

    Will be anxiously awaiting the good news. All my digits are crossed for fabulous cancer-free results.


  7. C.Mom says:

    You my friend, are in my thoughts. I know how stressful these nights before big appointments can be. I wish I could be there to give you a big hug (hope it is ok that someone who has only met you IRL in passing once wants to give you a hug). The reality is that whatever the outcome, you are a fighter–and you have an entire army of soldiers behind you ready to have your back. Whether it is to party things up in NYC or to…well other things. My vote is to party things up—hopefully the doctors will have gotten my vote. 🙂

  8. Stacy says:

    Now I’m super anxious for you! I will be thinking about you all day … and waiting anxiously to hear the good news. 🙂

  9. Stimey says:

    Best of luck tomorrow. Love, love, love to you!

  10. julie says:

    Wishing for great news on your side and for your visiting us this Fall!

  11. Liz says:

    I’ll be thinking of you and am still totally up for the low key YET STILL SO AWESOME hanging out at BlogHer!

  12. J.J. says:

    Praying for great news for you! I’m pretty sure you stomped the hell out of those cancer cells. Can’t wait to see you at BlogHer!

  13. Darryle says:

    We’d all feel the same way in your shoes, probably even Stimey. Sending hugs from CA and will deliver a real one soon.

  14. We are all a little nervous about tomorrow, and that is a lot of powerful strong and positive energy coming your way!

  15. Lisa says:

    Hugs and prayers! LOVE!

  16. Sunday says:

    I will be praying for you Susan! You are never far from my mind or my heart as you and your family bravely fight.

  17. Lynn from says:

    You are in my thoughts and prayers today. Can’t wait to hug you next week at Blogher!

  18. *m* says:

    Fingers crossed soooo tight for good news for you today. You will be in my thoughts.

  19. Mel says:

    Sending 3000 good thoughts for today’s decision.

  20. Elaine says:

    Crossing my fingers for the best news possible for you.

  21. Mom2shoo says:

    Sending positive thoughts your way. Hoping for good news for you!

  22. Jessica Lippy says:

    I will be thinking and praying for you.

    And P.S. Pennsylvania has a Farm Show every year in Harrisburg – my boys also MUST sit on every tractor all 9 million of them!!

  23. fingers crossed. and then some.

  24. Marcia says:

    Praying for you and hoping for clear scans all the way!

  25. Janine Davis says:

    As always, we are praying for you.

  26. Amelie says:

    Thinking of you.

  27. Elizabeth says:

    I’m currently living life in 6 to 8 week increments between CT scans…I feel your frustration! Glad to hear the results were good.

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