Two weeks ago, I was given clean scans and taken off the aromasin, the aromatase inhibitor that I’ve been taking since February 1, in preparation for chemotherapy this fall. I was not yet strong enough for chemo, so I am resting and recovering and pushing myself to get stronger. I’m eating a little extra protein and a little less junk (I’ve substituted almonds for pretzels as my snack.)
Yes, I went to BlogHer ’10. And yes, I will write about the sessions. but not right now. Right now I’m resting and detoxing from the Aromasin. I have cold chills and times when I can’t get warm. I’m achy and slightly sensitive to touch. My skin is changing a little, perhaps due to the fact that the little estrogen in my body (not a lot, since I’ve had my ovaries out) isn’t being neutralized now. I don’t actually know what normal side effects for ending endocrine therapy like aromasin are, and it’s ok. I feel what I feel, and that’s the way it is.
On Monday night or Tuesday morning, I will start chemotherapy again. This time, it will be a pill called Xeloda. I’ll take four in the morning and four at night, and I won’t have to leave my babies for trips to the chemo ward. I’m grateful for that. Grateful that I won’t have to sit there alone, wrapped in blankets, chilled through to my bone as the icy fluid races through my veins. Grateful not to have to ride home, reclined, trying not to vomit or scare my sweetie sitting beside me, driving me home, who had just held my hand in the chemo chair, keeping me company, keeping me entertained, even though we both knew that it was a fool’s errand at best. Grateful that I won’t have to be stuck with the IV needle or live in isolation from people and germs, although I will still have to be careful not to playdate with anyone who is sick.
I suppose gratitude is a funny emotion to bubble up like this, as I rest and get ready for chemo again. I should be angry, perhaps, and I have been, and I am, but today I only want to rest. To get stronger. To get ready.
To detox from the aromasin, and to get ready for Xeloda.