… better than I deserve.

Susan, happy with friendsYou know those folks who when you say “hey, how are you?” in greeting, answer “better than I deserve!” and you never quite know what to say?  Yeah, me either.  But today, that’s all I can say about the week.

Laughter and margaritas (happy, Kristen?) in the country on Saturday, work on Sunday, finished chapter on Monday, dinner with book club/moms club moms on Tuesday, tea and chocolate date with Jessica and Jean and Kristen and KATE FROM NEW ZEALAND on Wednesday, t-ball for Widget, Mom’s full attention for Little Bear, and today there’s chapter research and lunch duty for Widget and party for Bear and then the summer starts to begin in earnest.

And we’re good.  We’re so, so good.  The kids are delicious, and I’m back to “parenting” instead of just “managing” to hang on in the madness of the end of the school year.  Finally.  We don’t always do amazing things in the afterschool hour, no, but we do some days, and the other days we just play near each other while mommy works or gets down on the floor and plays with the boys.  Because I can right now.  I’m in a good period, and even preschool pickup doesn’t tire me out completely.  I can do it AND play when they get home, if I don’t exert myself with the chores in the morning.  So we’re in a routine now.  Write in the morning, lunch with Bear, write in the early afternoon, pick up and play with kids, easy dinner, put kids down, and then work again before a dip in the pool.  What an amazing life.

And spending so much of it with friends lately?  So wonderful.  I am so lucky.  You know, this is never the life I would have asked for — but it has so many good parts, and laughing with friends and playing with children and quiet time with my husband make the rough parts easier and the easy parts full of joy.  And there is so very much joy.  Jessica’s baby Alice, for example.  I held her again yesterday, and she makes my heart sing with promise for the future.  She is so loved, by her parents, by her siblings, by her bloggy mama aunties — and goodness will follow her.  I can tell.

As Kristen likes to tease me, suunshine and rainbows follow me everywhere.  When I hold baby Alice, they multiply.  She is such a blessing to her family and friends!

In other news, the pool is finished (oh, floating in it is heaven — my hip slips back into place, my aches are soothed, and just for a little while I can forget my limitations), the sunroom surrounding it is being shingled (when the guys show up, they do great work!), and yesterday I bought new plants at Johnson’s Nursery.  PERENNIALS. 

Think about that one for a moment!

The picture on this post is from yesterday’s tea and chocolate date.  I love the full picture so much but we all have different levels of privacy for this blogging thing and just like I don’t post pictures of my kids (which makes posts like this week’s happiness look way too self-centered — sorry about that!), not everyone likes their picture on the web.  So I keep pictures of book club, anonymous and pseudonymous bloggers off the internet, but I do keep them in my heart.  Maybe you can tell from the cropped picture above how happy I am to be with friends.  Trust me when I say their smiles are big and bright too.

So how am I doing?  Better than I deserve. 

And I’m so, so grateful.

If you have a moment to pray or cheer another cancer warrior on, could you please lift up my friend Jenny?  She is battling her tumor Gertrude again, and the Xeloda is hurting her, like it hurt me last Fall (luckily for her it appears to be working!)  She blogs at Get Out Gertrude and twitters as @jaydub26.  Thank you.


44 Responses to … better than I deserve.

  1. Joan from PA says:

    Susan, of course you DO deserve it. But what matters is that you so appreciate it all.

    I, a gardener as well, appreciate your point about the perennials. I had started a daffodil hill on my property, and wondered, when I was first diagnosed, whether I should plant bulbs in the fall — would I even live to see then bloom?

    Good thing I did — I enjoyed almost 500 daffodils blooming this spring, several years into remission, and hope to enjoy them for MANY more years!

    Wishing you a wonderful summer!


  2. Becky says:

    “better than I deserve” – a wonderful response to God’s amazing grace…and His abundant blessings. You are blessed. And you are a blessing. the joy of the moment radiating from your face is clear. I know you would not have asked for this life. I gain new perspective and learn something when I read your blog, and I remember a time when you thought you were not much of a writer, but you have truly found your voice…by sharing your journey through this life you would not have chosen, you encourage and inspire.
    Your grace and courage offer hope and comfort to so many who read this blog…

  3. Sunday says:

    Words cannot describe how happy I am for you and your family and the joy and fun you have all been having lately. It really warms my heart.

    I respect that you prefer not to share pictures but I have to say I would LOVE to see a photo of you floating in your new pool. I think that would be awesome.

    I left a comment for Jenny…she is such a lovely friend and I just wish I could fly to NZ and do more for her.

  4. I am so glad to be reading such a happy upbeat post from you, so glad that things are in great balance right now, affording you some much deserved ease.

    And at the center of it all, of course is the amazing you, who have the grace to count your blessings and focus on the important things (children, friends, flowers) in a situation where others might be sadly squandering their time wallowing in self-pity and bemoaning their fate. (Not that I would ever begrudge you a little wallowing and fate-cursing, we are all allowed our moments).

    But I just want you to know that reading your post made my heart all warm & fluttery. Gentle hugs to you. I am so glad you have your circle of support and that I can be a small part of the cyber division, thereof.

    • Good. And thank you. When people ask me in whispers how I am now, knowing that I’m metastatic and have had hard times, I am so happy to reply, “today is a good day. I’m in a good period. How are you?” It’s pretty wonderful.

  5. loran says:

    Yippee!!! Wishing you many rainbows and much sunshine today! You bring so much of that to everyone you touch! Happy Floating! 🙂 xo

  6. Pam Richardson says:

    Susan, I pray often for you and your family.
    Your postings always touch my heart and life.
    Even though we have never met, I feel like i know you in some small way.
    You passion comes through in all you post.
    Thank you for sharing the good and the bad, so we can all stand with you in this journey you never planned.
    If it is one thing I’ve learn over the years no matter where God takes me today, HE will use it for HIS glory when I least expect it.
    Your an amazing women…Keep up the good fight.

  7. YOU are a better friend than I deserve…and I do believe Alice has one of the best bloggy aunties in the world in you. Thank you for all the love for her…and my entire family. Right back atcha darling!

    And I will add Jenny to my prayers for Gertrude’s eviction.

  8. Kami says:

    Go you, I love it…this makes me smile.

  9. Cin.k says:

    When you share your love and joy in your family, friendships and work, I can feel that love and joy. The world is a better place because of what you share. Hugs.

  10. *m* says:

    All this and more you perennially deserve!

  11. planetnomad says:

    LOVE that pic! 🙂

    • Thanks, friend! I was so happy in the moment — and am happy still, just thinking about the good times I’ve been having lately, lucky to share them with such good friends!

  12. Khara says:

    No! Not better than you deserve! You deserve so much greatness and happiness in your life! So glad to hear you are doing well 🙂

  13. Laurie says:

    Fantastic that you are surrounded by such love and feeling great. Hooray for babies! (everyone else, too, but mostly babies. 🙂

  14. Ah honey, you deserve every bit of it! And your hair is SO cute! Rock on with your effervescent self.


    • Effervescent – now I like that! Thank you! And thanks for the lovely compliment! It’s just hair, but it’s nice to have an easier time getting out of the pool. 🙂

  15. Eve says:

    Love the note about the perennials. Keep on relishing life!

  16. Nicole says:

    You have such an attitude of gratitude. Each day we are given is such a gift!

  17. Nicole says:

    Just checking if I get a different face this time! Hope you don’t mind.

    • Not a bit – how weird. If you’d like to pick your own, it’s called a gravatar, and you can set it up at gravatar.com.

      • nicky102 says:

        Just testing my new avatar. Thanks for being so accommodating!

        • nicky102 says:

          Sorry I was supposed to wait a bit! It’s working fine now. Thanks for the advice. I was so tired of that other avatar.

  18. julie says:

    Susan – you’re an inspiration. My heart sings to read that you’re doing well and that you’re happy.

  19. But it’s *not* better than you deserve! I am so so very happy that we finally got to meet, and it was an added thrill to meet all the others you got together. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
    I am looking forward to getting together again in a few years, to admire those perennials of yours!

    • Oh, pooh. But thanks.

      It was really a ton of fun, wasn’t it? I couldn’t believe how (momentarily) sad I was when it had to end!

      You got it! And if I’m still kickin’ in 5 or 10, I’m coming to New Zealand!

  20. NYFriend says:

    I’m so happy for you! Thank you for reminding me to live each day to it’s fullest, which doesn’t always mean it is full of “amazing” things. Rather to savor all of it – the routine as well as the exceptions. 🙂 It’s so easy for me to forget how wonderful the routine is too.

    We too are happily wrapping up the school year. Yippee!

  21. Stimey says:

    Such a great post! I’m so glad you are in a good place right now. Being with people like those that came to your house the other morning and having such wonderful kids and having energy? All wonderful things.

  22. jaydub26 says:

    Thanks Susan for putting in such a kind word for me here. Like Kate I would love to see you at either your place or mine in a few years time – its a date 😀

  23. What a day, what a week! Frightening and comforting at the same time! Not everyone makes lemonade as well as you do!

    I’ll be thinking of you tonight when I have my telescope out at our town’s relay for life. I’m showing Saturn to the walkers once it gets dark, and if it’s cloudy, I’m handing our Saturn cards.* –O– **

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