Hospital – Day 2

Is it only Day 2? It seems like Day 4 or 5 already, but my wristband does say yesterday, so it must be so.

After waiting all day without a drop to drink or bite to eat, as per presurgical instructions, I finally found out that they wouldn’t be able to take me for surgery today to insert my port after all.  A full day of scheduled procedures + an emergency added to the schedule at the last minute meant that they just woudn’t get to me today.  So at 3:15 I was able to eat breakfast and have my morning Diet Coke.

The nurses finally found me another room too – I woke at 6 a.m. to the sound of banging on the walls and power drills shortly thereafter, as the hospital pit crew deconstructed the room next to me. I don’t know what they were doing exactly, but the door was covered with layers of plastic sheeting and even the nurses weren’t to knock.  I’m happy to be moved down the hall, even if it did mean lying on the couch in the family waiting room most of the day, until they were able to find me a bed in another room.

Not much is happening around here.  I’ve spent hours curled up in terrible pain as the meds wear off, hours sleeping off the meds, and some not insignificant period of time just sitting here with my laptop, playing City of Wonder (an online multiplayer civilization building game – I’m in Cat guild if you’re a gamer looking to check it out) and trying to ignore the beeping IVs down the hall.  The one next to me is quiet, softly pumping saltwater into my hand, keeping me hydrated while I wait, again, for the port to be put in and the oncologist appointment that has been apparently moved to tomorrow.

The medications are diluting the pain and every 2 hours I feel pretty decent.  I have a pain team, working from pallative care, an oncology team ready to spring into action when the pain is managed, and a great set of nurses.

And friends. I see you here and on twitter, and thank you, as always, for your steadfast support and love.  I am trying to get back to normal, to write stories, to contribute again, and to make a poster for next week’s meeting of the Astronomical Society of the Pacific (about social media as e-mentoring!).  I haven’t worked in a week, though, and shan’t tomorrow.  Now is a time of rest.

Of rest.

– Susan

76 Responses to Hospital – Day 2

  1. Bon says:

    sounds like a day. i am just glad to hear your voice…grateful to you for keeping us with you.

    rest, and let us hold you up, in the light, with hope and love and prayers.

  2. Debbie Willey says:

    Susan. Yes just day 2 but it will all fall into place. You are an inspiration. Tomorrow will be a new day and hopefully you will see more progress in ridding your pain.it will happen I am sure of it. So rest rest rest. You need it. Prayers being sent for you

  3. schmutzie says:

    I echo Bon’s words. Glad to hear from you, and I hope the rest of your wait is short.

  4. Magpie says:

    You’re amazing. Love to you from afar.

  5. Rest. I hope they can even out the meds a bit so you can have constant relief and avoid the peaks and troughs. As ever, lots of love.

  6. Stacey says:

    I’m also so grateful to hear news from you. Thanks so much for writing – even when you are in so much pain. I’m sending you lots of light and love!

  7. Suzie P. says:

    Like Bon says so well – let us hold you up in lots of love, hope, and light.

  8. Jane Gassner says:

    I too am so grateful to hear from you–and sounding so much like you, as well (who else might you sound like?!) I’m here in Northern California, land of all things are possible, and I’m praying, meditating, wishing and willing that the port, etc. goes well.

  9. Robin says:

    May you experience the blessing of being pain free and some peace.

  10. Megan says:

    Hoping tomorrow brings some relief to you (meaning – one thing off your list with the port) and a plan with your oncology team for kicking some more cancer ass! Hugs to you!

  11. Isn’t Bon the best?! She manages to articulate exactly how we all feel about you in our hearts.

    Rest, my dear, as best you can. We’re here for you.

    xoxo CGF

  12. katie says:

    Rest, my friend. We’ll be here. 🙂

  13. Jo Major Ciolino says:

    Tried to spread a broader prayer net/blanket/thingie to wrap you up in today, hope you are feeling the results of the many of us out here in the world connected to you and with you. I’m an ovarian cancer survivor and when you write about the hospitals, the sounds of the IV beeping, etc. – and oh, those chemical hospital-ish smells it all comes back to me so vividly. So yeah, I’m here, reading up on every tweet and post and bouncing back to you my own squeezes and hugs and virtual martinis and everything else I can possibly think of. Rest is good – keep up the good work!

  14. Cassandra says:

    I love that you have diet coke for breakfast!

    Rest and be well, Susan.

  15. Kirstin says:

    Just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you!

  16. Beth says:

    Hope they get everything managed and you’re home soon. Praying for you and your family.

  17. Rachel says:

    Hugs, Susan! I’m thinking of you…

  18. *m* says:

    So we have more than a pair of science-loving boys in common; I too like my morning caffeine cold and bubbly!

    Wish they’d gotten that damn port in but hopefully things will go smoothly tomorrow. Sending you lots of good thoughts for a restful night and good progress in the days ahead.

  19. We are here. Get some rest. I am praying.

  20. Niksmom says:

    Thinking of you tonight and sending my prayers of love, strength and healing.

  21. You’re strength is inspiring Susa. I’m thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers. Glad to hear you’re taking the time to rest xx

  22. Amy Hatch says:

    Susan, I am so grateful to “hear” your voice. You sound tired, but you also sound strong. We are all here with you, holding you in the light. xoxox

  23. Melissa says:

    Glad to hear from you, Susan. Please rest … know that we love you and are holding you close.

  24. Susan says:

    I hope you are getting good rest in your new room…so much love flowing your way.

  25. Sue Farrell says:

    I think one of the biggest words for a cancer patient is NORMAL. Whatever is “normal” for our personal lives, we always wish for normal. We don’t need sparklers or fireworks, we don’t need dozens of roses and baubles, we just need normal. Hang in there, Susan. You have a world of people pulling for you. Thank you for keeping us posted. It means a lot for those of us who are praying and yes, worrying about you.

  26. More of what everybody else has said. Rest. The world will still keep spinning.

  27. pgoodness says:

    Glad you’re getting some rest. I hope tomorrow is the day they can get you further down the path of recovery. xo

  28. Dorothy Doyle says:

    Susan, my thoughts and prayers are with you. Rest well, and may God grant you his peace and grace you with strength and healing.

  29. Urban Mama says:

    Thinking of you and hoping you’re able to rest and play more City of Wonder tomorrow!

  30. Karen G says:

    Susan,
    I hope and pray that you feel better, and more importantly that you recover your health, very soon.

    You don’t know me; however I learned about you, and your blog, when a friend of mine was diagnosed with IBC a couple of years ago.
    Karen G

  31. lostrack621 says:

    Susan, I’m sending healing, pain-free thoughts your way. Hope you’re able to “break out” of the Hospital soon.
    ~Lillian

  32. Hang in there. Sweet dreams, Susan.

    Rachel

  33. Mama Echo says:

    I put your name on the prayer roll at our temple. Sending love and prayers.

  34. Kami says:

    As always your handling it like a trooper, thank you for the update. I have thought about you many times today, I’ve put in a request or two with the big man also. I hope your feeling better soon! Hugs.

  35. heather... says:

    You are on my heart Susan. Lots of love.

  36. Anji says:

    Susan – our thoughts are always of you and your family. Looking forward to seeing you all when school resumes next month – hoping that we can get the boys together before then…all the best.
    Anji

  37. Amy Swygert says:

    Susan, thinking of you, wishing your pain away. I had a port when I had cancer. Not something you hope to have, but it’s really not bad. Given everything else you’ve put up with so far, it will be a breeze. Sending you continued strength!

  38. Juls says:

    Sending you much much love & thoughts of peace and healing Susan. You are such an inspirational woman and as a mother of two girls I read your blog and look to your stories in the raising of my children. Thank you for all that you share of yourself at a time when most of us would surely do the opposite. Sending love light and positive thoughts from halfway around the world

  39. Eve W. says:

    Susan, I’m thinking of you and hope you’ll feel better. Sending you my thoughts and prayers.
    Eve in Silver Spring

  40. I just like to know what you are doing, whatever it is. You are so courageous, even just allowing yourself to open up all your ups and downs to us. I want to be more like you.

  41. reader.n says:

    just to say I am praying for you. Your words are always an inspiration. Wish you soft dreams.

  42. Kim Slavis says:

    My goodness, as if your own world wasn’t challenging enough right now, life has to toss construction in too?! I hope the couch was a comfy one, but even so, that would be a very wearing ordeal in of its own.

    Thank you for your update, it’s an appreciated luxury for me. 🙂

    I hope you can rest well, I’ll be thinking of you.

    Big *gentle* hugs.

  43. Michele says:

    Keeping you in my thoughts.

  44. jodifur says:

    All my love and thoughts.

  45. There are not enough words to express the love and prayers I am sending you. xo

  46. Catherine says:

    Thinking of you often, hope you are doing better today.

  47. Just wanted to let you know that all of us at the American Cancer Society are thinking about you non-stop. One of the greatest lines I’ve ever read about cancer was in one of our books from a doctor who said “Hope is not an unrealistic expectation.” That is so true and we know your hope and strength will fuel your fight. Please know you have hundreds of people you’ve never even met thinking and praying for you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do to help and support you.

  48. Andrea says:

    I love this and it bears repeating:

    “Hope is not an unrealistic expectation.”

    I hope every day is a better one for you.

  49. justenjoyhim says:

    Hope things go better for you. Love ya, girlie.

  50. robbinlynn says:

    Great to hear you. I worry about you when I don’t.

  51. Paull Young says:

    Thinking of you Susan, rest & be strong.

  52. Editdebs says:

    Sending lots of prayers your way.

  53. Susan of the sparkly shoes: Thinking of youand sending lots and lots of good vibes your way. Hugs.

  54. And, hmmmm. . . not sure about this little avatar here—looks like he popped up with my name. Let’s just say he’s giving the stink eye to cancer. . . .

  55. Karianna says:

    Hoping for restoring rest and attentive team members to help with the pain. Hoping for successful surgery soon. Thinking of you each day.

  56. planetnomad says:

    Behind on blogs so only now hearing about this. I’m praying for good rest for you, and for healing.

  57. Thinking of you and yours and wishing you the best.

  58. I hope that today provided relief, peace and answers my sister!

  59. Amanda says:

    And of admiration and of love.

  60. Megan says:

    You can do this Susan! The port should be in by now and hopefully you are resting. Now on to the next treatment plan! Lots of prayers and good thoughts!

  61. Colleen says:

    Oh, my gosh, Susan. I’ve been away for a couple of days and didn’t know what was going on. I hope so much that the port was successfuly put in today and that you are feeling great relief from the pain. My love and prayers are with you.

  62. Michelle says:

    Praying for some relief of your pain and for healing!

  63. julie says:

    Glad to read that you are recovering quietly. Hopefully you can get out soon. Wishing you a lot of rest, without pain.

  64. Laurie says:

    You contribute every day, no matter what. I’m thinking of you all the time.

  65. You are in my prayers each night. Stay strong.
    Caroline

  66. Tina says:

    Thinking of you, Susan. Praying and hoping, hoping and praying. You’re in our thoughts, our hearts, our lives.

  67. Becky W says:

    That is a bummer about the reschedule. Waiting is so tough. My mother benefitted a great deal from a port and I hope it works similarly for you in providing more lasting pain relief. You are in my thoughts! Take this time to rest, read and play online!

    It seems your name has been everywhere lately. I had three friends email me the excellent write-up in Nature! You’re making important, substantial contributions to our field at a critical time when there is so much discussion about the decadal survey, etc. Thank you for your voice motivating change to how we train and prepare for future missions to maximize the transition of information and experience!

  68. Hey Susan, I hope you’re not writing because you’re snuggled up comfortably with your boys at home. Thinking of you and praying. Our hearts and minds are with you.

  69. ashpags says:

    Thinking of you often, Susan. Hoping and praying things are improving!

  70. Megan says:

    I keep checking for an update from Susan – and nothing. Still sending good thoughts but am looking forward to “hearing” from Susan!

  71. Tessa says:

    Look to this day, for it is life,
    the very life of life.
    In its brief course lie
    all the realities
    and truths of existence,
    the joy of growth,
    the splendor of action,
    the glory of power.
    For yesterday is but a memory
    and tomorrow is only a vision.
    But today well-lived
    makes yesterday
    a memory of happiness
    and every tomorrow
    a vision of hope.
    Look well, therefore, to this day!

  72. Sockitmama says:

    Dear Susan: Sending God’s blessings to you and love across the miles. My prayers are with you as you fight cancer and with your family. As you can see, you’ve some serious prayer power here girl! Take care and I’ll be checking back to see how you’re doing. God Bless.

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