Little Bear, worried about a field trip yesterday, “But Mama, I need you there in case there is something scary.”
You’ll be okay, Little Bear. Mama can’t go today, but your teacher will be there, and she will keep you safe.
Cuddled in my arms, he asked, “But what if there is something scary?”
Well, there will be, Little Bear, it’s the story of Passover, and Pharoah gets angry. He’s the bad guy, remember? But Moses wins. It’ll be okay, because Moses wins.
From deep in my arms, came a small, confident voice:
“Like Mama won over cancer.”
That’s right, Little Bear. And we cuddled and were strong together.
I haven’t talked about my cancer with them in months. But of course they know, since I’m still gaining strength and taking naps in the late afternoon, when the morning just isn’t enough, or when I’ve pushed myself to get work done. I’m stronger and stronger, but still not close to 100%.
And we have scans on Friday. I’m nervous, I’ll admit. But I want Little Bear’s words to be true, one more time.
I want to win over cancer. Again. And yes, I know that’s a selfish hope, to beat cancer a FOURTH time, but it’s selfish in protecting my children. They’re not ready for me to leave yet, and I am not ready to leave them to grow up in the world without their Mama.