I’m still tired. Oh, and I miss leaving the house. #thatisall
The most boring post on the planetNovember 14, 2010
A reluctant updateNovember 10, 2010
It’s been three days since I wrote my last post, and the feeling of shin splints all over my body is only now lessening. It worsened late Monday, extending not just to my arms and legs but also up my spine and around and around my rib cage. My feet were red and too tender to walk on, and my trips to the physical therapist, while necessary to relieve the cording down my left arm and swelling in my right, were not fun at all.
My parents have been absolutely wonderful, though, taking care of the house and children while I basically checked out and rested, and took pain relief, let the physical therapist work on what she could, and drank lots and lots of water to wash the chemo out of my system. I watched some tv, although I couldn’t tell you what, and read some blogs, although I can’t remember whose (it was yours, of course, and I’m sorry I didn’t comment), and tried to work but essentially gave up for a few days, which was okay because I had done what HAD to be done in advance, so that I could rest when I needed to. Saving it up “for a rainy day” as it were, only then I had the hardest time admitting that it finally was my rainy day, and it sucked.
And I had to talk to NASA again about not meeting my milestone last month, and that sucked too. It’s not like me to miss a milestone or not turn work in on time. It’s not like me at all, and it broke my heart and made me angry beyond words, all at once. But I gamely sent them a file of my book as it is, all 700 pages of it (what? that includes the appendicies, you know), and promised again to edit it down in January.
I will. I’m good for it.
And finally, today, the pain lessened and my feet ceased to burn, and I was able to rest and then sit with a good friend in the backyard as we watched the children play and waited for another friend’s meal to cook.
FabulousNovember 4, 2010
I felt great today. I can’t explain it. There’s no reason in the world why I should feel decent, much less GREAT this week, at the end of the second week of the fourth cycle of #chemo2010. But I felt great. I helped out with an event at my kids’ school. I went to brunch with friends and fellow bloggers. I spent time with my mom, and then I took a nap.
Yes, I took a three hour nap, but when I woke up I still felt fabulous.
I can’t explain it.
But I’m happy.
A big shoutout to my blogger buds who brunched today — @Punditmom Joanne, @Teachmama Amy, @TechSavvyMama Leticia, @Noteverstill Robin, I’m Not the Nanny @ThienKim, Jill, writing @MusingsfromMe, @MinkyMoo Stephanie, @SmilingMama Aimee (still smiling!), @Twincident Janine, @Stimey, Suzie Phipps, who writes Confessions of a Not So Well Behaved Woman, Robin, writing MyLifeAsItIs, @WifeandMommy Michelle, @DianaFunk, and … I know there was someone else, who did I forget? It was great to see you all!
Things I don’t understandSeptember 29, 2010
Today, a list of things I don’t understand (but I’m trying to):
- Hand-foot syndrome. Why on earth is the chemo leaking out the capillaries in my feet and hands? And are the burst capillaries all over my chest a symptom of the same thing? (My feet are so tender these days that by mid-morning, walking or driving hurts, and I’ve had to buy shoes with extra cushioning so that I can stand to pick up the kids from school. They’re comfy as all-get-out, but yeah, not really my style.)
- Catholicism. I found a church this spring that has everything we wanted — a close-knit community, a school, scripture-based service, prayer groups, moms and dads who volunteer — and my husband and I can go to church with the kids and not have to worry if they happen to ask a question too loudly or have to leave to go potty. There’s a down-to-earth priest, an honest-to-goodness community of nuns, and I love it. I’m just working through the catechism to make sure that I can get on board, as some of the more extremist interpretations are not something that I’m just willing to sign on to. (We could talk about this a long time. I’m not going to do it here. Oh, and comments will be moderated.)
- What to do about my NASA book. It’s sitting here beside me, 560 pages of text detailing the history of an 18-year-old program and all its missions. The trouble is, who wants to read 560 pages? No one, that’s who. Including me. I wanted to write a popular-type book, not a tome. But I don’t want to scrap what I’ve spent the last 2.5 years doing.
- The resistance to flexible work. The more that I interview women in planetary science for our web series, the less I understand why employers value desk-sitting so highly. If researchers don’t have to use equipment in a laboratory or sit in meetings every day, why can’t they (and we) do the work at another location? Why does my suburb commute downtown every day, clogging the roads, getting in accidents, and generally wasting time in traffic instead of working?
- Cancer. I’ve tried for years now, and I still don’t understand a) Why I got cancer, and b) Why there is not yet a cure.
Things I do understand:
- Love and friendship can help you overcome almost anything.
And today, for me, that’s enough.