— A conversation with my husband, shortly after arriving home this afternoon with fresh oxygen tanks, spots on my liver, fluid pushing around my lungs (likely filled with cancer, as are the tumors inside) and at least one broken vertebra that must be healed before we resume any kind of treatment. —
How did we get here? I asked my love, across the bed strewn with children’s toys, books, and an oxygen tank.
We got here because of your amazing strength, commitment, and love for your family that you have shown since you were diagnosed – almost 5 years since diagnosis, 4.5 years since we were afraid it would end, 3 years after most IBC patients make it, all because of you. The medical details don’t matter. Our life has been a nonstop adventure.
Nonstop. I agree. And because of you, always at my side, supporting me, joking with me, taking me to yet another appointment and holding my hand. Kidding me about the speed I drink the contrast shakes, and raising eyebrows with me as the tech’s hands jiggle as he tries to place the line.
…
What, aren’t you going to blog anymore goodbyes?
I am not blogging goodbyes. I am not saying goodbye to you yet. I won’t.
You will have to soon. Hospice comes in an hour, and since I need Pallative radiation to fix the latest spine fracture, I can’t go to treatment anymore. We need hospice, at least for a time.
No matter what, you deserve to feel better right now, and you deserve a chance to enjoy family and friends, and if that means we use hospice, or go to the moon, or paint you green, then we will do those things. I have dibs on the paintbrush.
Green’s really not my color.
I have not yet encountered a color you could not make yours. Purple?
Purple. I’ll change clothes and listen to her when she comes, but I can’t promise that I’ll be sparkly to the hospice lady.
I’m willing to bet the hospice lady is not expecting to be greeted with confetti and song.
Good point. More tomorrow, my friends. I hope.
Toddler Planet is written by 
Toddler Planet 
Thinking and prayer for you and your family.
Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your family.
This is such a beautiful post. I am here Susan reading every post thinking of you and your family so grateful for your words. Beyond thankful. Your wonderful blog and spirit continues to be such an invaluable resource to me as I help my friend navigate these waters. My love to you Susan and my gratitude.
Pam
I’ll come hang w/ you anywhere, my friend. Hospice, the circus, the moon–you name it, I’m there.
xoxo
I’ll cross the moat again whenever you are up to a visit. Xxoo
You are wonderful. God bless you.
You got the best one, Su. I love that man.
Fight, please fight. I have followed you for so long. You are so brave and so graceful in your blogging. You are my hero.
We are all with you, Susan.
XOXO
God bless you and yours.
Sending you love and prayers and gentle hugs. May God hold you gently and pillow you with grace.
Love you. In purple, or green.
I want you to know how powerful and inspirational your words have been to me. I wish you and your family peace.
Susan you are an amazing woman. You have inspired so many of us with IBC.You are our hero. Keep up the fight. May God comfort you and hold you. You are so loved. Praying for all of you.
We are here. I am praying.
To think of all you have endured, and still post this, which actually made me laugh (confetti and song) – you are amazing. Strength to you.
Love you. So much.
You are inspiring beyond imagination. Love every post you have
written!
Love you! Praying for you! Thanks so much for keeping us updated! Thinking of you.
Hi Susan,
Loving thoughts of you and sending many prayers heavenward that you will know comfort from the loving hands of the Great Comforter. Love ya, —Uncle Bill
Praying…
Love you. Wrapping my arms gently around you from across the ocean.
❤
You are amazing. Simply amazing.
Praying for you, Susan, and your amazing family. Praying for peace, comfort, COLOR, and most of all for you to feel the thousands of arms around you. Much love to you. I feel incredibly blessed to have met you at Type A and had a chance to see you so elegantly accept your Bloganthropy award.
You know what I love? You. You know what else I love? Your husband. The two of you are such an amazing team. I have always thought this. As always, you, he, your kiddos, you have my love.
Thank you Susan for your inspiring and insightful blogs. You help so many people! You are always in my thoughts.
prayers and peace to you.
I hope hospice can help with the pain and the breathing so you can spend some time with those beautiful boys of yours. xo
Thinking of you and your family Susan and hoping you are finding comfort. Both green and purple are lovely colours.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. Thank you for taking time and energy from more important things in order to come out here and share with us. Your words have meaning.
Thank you, Susan.
Praying for rest and comfort for both of you
Praying for you and your family. May God hold you gently in His arms and grant you peace and comfort.
Adding my voice to the choir of love and comfort.
My heart broke when the cancer came back this time, and the last few days without an update, oh, Susan, were awful. I am going to miss you. I have come here every day for five years for inspiration and all that you share. My heart just aches with wishing it could make it all better.
Thank you for your words. I hope you know how much you mean to so many.
Sending love. Holding your entire family in prayer.
xo
Susan, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. When I think of you I see a rainbow because light and life incorporate every color created under the sun. I am glad you are at home with your family healing until it is time for you to begin fighting again.
Sending you my heartfelt love, thoughts and prayers!
So much love and light streaming your way, Susan.
Love, peace and grace to you sweet, brave Susan…love, peace and grace.
Sending you lots of love and prayers . You always in out thoughts .
Take Care and hang in there.
Love
Your husband, he makes me smile. Sounds like he makes you smile, too.
Am glad.
Off about the liver spots, the cancer, the spine break; oof about the hospice. Hoping for ease of pain, healing, time. More smiles. More love.
There is little else in this adventure that matters, is there?
My heart and my prayers are with you all.
Sending prayers full of gratitude for your always inspiring words. I wonder how you manage to share this while going through such pains. Reader’s love
I was diagnosed with Stage 3C lobular a year ago and just finished treatment. I just found your blog. Big hugs and prayers for you
Susan, thank you so much for updating us – so wonderful to see your humor and strength and love shine through the pain. Just said a prayer that the hospice visit is simply a transition and weigh station to fortify you for more of your amazing journey, defying the odds. Please take care of yourself, heal, be well, and don’t worry about the blogging – now we know you are in good hands. Much love.
Glitter. I vote glitter. Any color you choose.
I have nothing to say except this: I am sending you love, as are so many people, friends and strangers both. I hope you can feel it in those moments between moments.
um, oof. not off, above. 🙂
…also, we are packing. and today i packed up the little wicker octagonal basket with the wooden top and the pink trim that you sent when i was pregnant with Josephine, the one you had bought for a girlchild who turned out not to be a girlchild. i don’t know if i ever told you, but it is her treasure box. necklaces, rocks, fossils, silly bands…they harbour there, beloved.
the basket has a little metal tag on it: i’d never really looked at it before. i was thinking about you as i packed it, of course: i looked closely and the tag? it is engraved with the word “hope.”
you say, “more tomorrow, friends. i hope.”
i hope too, Susan. everyday, i hope. and i – we – will be here tomorrow. xo.
Oh, Susan, I’m thinking of you and your family.
Thinking of you. And praying.
Susan, I have never commented before , even though I have been reading your site for a few years. I just want to tell you that you and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and prayers. You are such an inspiration to me. –sending love from Huntsville, AL
Susan, You already know how much I admire you. I hope that the hospice care gives you a brief respite until you can continue your treatment. And, that better news is right around the corner for you.
Take care, and again best wishes for your renewed health.
Karen G
[Just btw, green is my favorite color. WordPress often assigns me the green, triangular, icon / avatar – the one with glasses. This makes me laugh.]
Oh what to say? Other than to tell you that you are every mother’s hero? We find unending courage and love in your words. We sit behind our computer screens and shake our heads in amazement at your strength. You are an inspiration to every last one of us. We love you and pray for you and your family… we will always be here when you need us. 🙂
I am hoping and thinking and praying for you, Susan.
My dear… thank you so much for taking this time to post and let us know how you are. We, too, are all filled with hope for you and your family and friends… Above all, know how very, very much you are loved!! Fight on, brave girl. We’re all here with you.
xoxo CGF and girlies 3
I am filled with hope for you. For more tomorrows, less pain, and perpetual peace for all of you. Thank you for being my friend. You are, and always will be my hero.
Susan,
I have loved you since the minute we met, all those years ago in Sarah’s living room. I am here, whatever you need.
you are our amazing fighter. We adore you and are sending you loads of love.
Huge, huge hugs Susan.
All of you are in our thoughts and prayers.
Steve and Danette
Susan, I have followed every blog post along this journey for so many reasons. It started the same time that my mom began her fight against cancer. She’s still fighting but so weary. In the meantime, my dear MIL lost her fight and it was a good fight. I find the strength to push on with your updates and posts. But mainly I am amazed by you. I am amazed by the energy I know you front for your children when you simply don’t have the energy. You are a hero. Prayers for you and your family.
Sending love and light and color and HOPE. xoxo
Much love to you.
Steph
Many, many, many gentle hugs and peace.
Your love and passion of research in science has been such an inspiration to me – I start my PhD classes this week!
You are a true hero. Your strength and courage is such an inspiration. Our prayers are with you.
~Chris Ann & Kristin
Love and prayers for peace and strength coming your way – for both you and that amazing husband of yours.
Am at a loss for words. Hoping you feel the love and prayers washing over you. And the hope, so much hope.
Spend your time with your wonderful family. We’ll be here – everywhere – thinking of you and praying for you. Lots of love, hope, and virtual hugs.
Thinking of all of you, thoughts of peace and love and strength.
You are not alone in this fight. Many good thoughts for you.
I may paint my nails green (and purple!) and will think of you every time I see them. I will never forget meeting your sweet self in your sparkly shoes and thinking “here walks such a special person”. Hugs to you and may hospice give you more time to quietly and comfortably soak in all the love around you. Confetti and song to you too.
Stay strong.
I know, it’s dumb to say and even dumber to read, but you have to.
Such laughter, wisdom and more you always offer in your words.
You are a hero, friend and light. Thinking of you and sending love as ever.
More tomorrow.
You’ve got a good man there. Wishing you many more tomorrows.
I’m here my friend. I’m here and reading and praying and sending you all kinds of love. We all are. You are amazingly strong – so beautifully strong. Will be thinking about you. xoxo
Sending loads of love your way.
You have taught me so much…sending love, prayers and hope for many more tomorrows.
Sending you love, Susan.
Heal what you can. We’ll be here, cheering you on.
I don’t know you, we’ve never met but somehow your words found their way to me and I hope my thoughts and prayers find their way back to you. Fight, keep fighting.
Much love to you and your family.
God bless Susan. This sucks but I have faith and love. Hopefully the hospice nurse can help you be comfortable and soon enough treatment will start anew. Sending you love.
Amen to all comforts that come your way.
Love to you and yours, Susan. Holding your family in my heart.
Like you owe us anything…..but love it when you post. It means you’re still here and fighting. Praying for peacefulness and healing and checking in often.
Sending love and hope for comfort.
xoxo
Comfort. I wish that for you.
A deep breath. I hope this for you.
Time. I want so badly to give that to you.
Cures. I will continue to fight for in honor of my Father and for you and for all others who have fought so hard.
Peace.
Love.
Strength. You are in possession of these at a level I will never know. Lucky. It’s what I am to have been in your presence. Even if it has been only through words.
Thank you.
Love, strength, hope, comfort, hugs, prayers — sending all I can think of your way, to you and that wonderful husband of yours, and of course those sweet boys.
Hospice workers are special people on earth. It’s hard to accept the need for their help, but they give tremendous compassion, humanity and support to both the patient and the family. My family benefited and are still benefiting from the hospice support my mom received with her lung cancer journey, so I hope their arrival, although not something that is putting a smile on your face, will bring you and your beautiful family peace.
I have silently listened as you fight this battle – each chapter striking at memories for my family. I hope you enjoy every moment you can, and that hospice does bring you some comfort. Wishing you more….
Your hubby sounds like a keeper. You are in my thoughts and prayers. You rock, Susan. You really do- purple, green, no matter. You just rock.
I always read but never have words. Just not articulate or eloquent. But I want to let you know I appreciate all you share with everyone and send all the prayers and good thoughts I possibly can.
In your own time Susan. You are SO surrounded by love.
You are amazing. Chiming in with all the others. May this be a restorative respite and then improved and effective treatment to resume asap ……and always with hope and love from the rolling hills of East Tennessee…much love.
Susan. I’m holding you in my heart.
You are a remarkable woman and your boys are truly blessed to have you as a mother. Thank you for letting us all be a part of your life.
Holding you all in prayer tonight.
Wishing you all the best to you and your family. Lots of Love.
Your strength, your love, your seizing of each moment, no matter how small inspires me and gives me hope. Wrapping you in love, thinking of you always.
Susan, you are so amazing to me, writing this blog and sharing your experience with the world. Prayers for you and your family, I hope that hospice provides some relief for you and that you are better soon.
Susan, I am so sorry to hear of your latest set back. Please know that you have a world of people praying for you.
I sat here for a while, as I wasn’t sure what to say. You’ve shared all the intimate details of your battle with the world. Many have found hope, inspiration, and permission to feel all sort of emotions from your blog. While I can’t possibly know how you feel, I just wanted to say thank you for all you’ve done, in every aspect of your life. Gentle hugs to you and hubby.
Sending prayers and hope and all the colors of the rainbow.
Every time I see a paint brush, I will think of this post. Wishing you strength and peace.
He is lovely and so are you. All my good wishes and prayers to your beautiful family.
Many prayers going out to you and your family. Your strength is awe inspiring. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Susan, this the first time I have commented to you but could not let the moment go by. Blessings to you and your family and may you feel the peace and love of God surround you.
Susan, my fighter sister, I am thinking about you and your family every moment and sending all good thoughts and energy your way.
Susan, you just rock and your hubby does, too! I am in awe of your love and your humor and your commitment to your family. Let yourself rest and relax and let the hospice folks (I used to be one) give you TLC and anything else you need.
Sending cyber purple accessories and warmest wishes.
Take care Susan. Love strength and peace to you and your family. And rest. Rest when you need it. You really are an inspiration.
Love to you, more than ever. Wishing you comfort and contentedness.
Wishing love and peace to you and your family.
Thinking of and praying for you AND yours.
It’s not easy being green I am green, and it’ll do fine
It’s beautiful, and I think it’s what I want to be. You are beautiful and a rainbow to many. Love and prayers to you and yours.
Susan, I read your posts and I’m so amazed by your strength, but you’re a wife and a mother, and you clearly love your family so of course, (and they clearly love you) you keep reaching inside and finding a little more strength for them…and hopefully for you as well. I know we don’t know each other, but you are the kind of person I’d choose for a friend, and the kind of person I’d like to be.
My heart is with you and your family, as are my prayers. You should know how many people you’ve touched and inspired.
Tari
I send you a universe full of love and prayers and a rainbow of colors to wear. Keep fighting! Xoxo
Dear Susan,
We have never met, but we very well could have (and may in the future). I’m also a mother of young children living in Northern Va. I have read your posts for several months now and don’t want another day to pass without you knowing how very courageous I think you are and how you have inspired me with your desire to live and to enjoy life even with its challenges. I have been so moved by your brutal honesty as you have described the various treatments, the success and setbacks, and always your keen observations of the fragility and beauty of life.
I, too, hope this hospice bit is merely a support that will help to keep you comfortable as you heal. You have fought more battles than should be expected of any one person, and I am sure you have made an indelible impression on those who know and love you.
I will remember you in my prayers and look forward to future posts.
Take care,
Sherry
Hugs, love, prayer, and thanks to you and yours always.
Sending you positive thoughts. And much love.
Much love and many, many more prayers.
Hi Susan – This is my first time commenting. I have been reading your blog for several months now, and want to thank you for sharing your story. My thoughts and best wishes are with you and your family.
Susan, you are one of the most strong, smart, amazing, incredible, brilliant, powerful, inspiring women I’ve ever known.
You are in my thoughts always and now more than ever.
If you want purple, we will bring you purple. If you need the moon…well, we will do our best.
Much love, my friend. xo
Sending all my love.
Strength and courage.
Strength and courage.
Strength and courage.
xx00xx00xx00xx00xx
May each moment bring you peace and assurance that prayers are being said on your behalf. I pray that science bring you additional moments of Love, while I simultaneously implore the heavens to give you an out and out miracle. A miracle that would defy all the science.
As a two time survivor of early BC, myself….. I know that carrying the mantle of bravery can get old. So instead, I send you every good grace for this moment at hand. You are entitled to every feeling and every emotion brought on by this journey.
Its at times like this that I think of the quote I’ve seen attributed to Churchill, “When you’re going thru hell, keep going.”
I am a hospice nurse in VA and had to respond to this beautifully written comment by Debbie. You are entitled to feel whatever it is you are feeling. There is no right or wrong, and believe me when I say that we are there to support you AND your family during this part of the journey. We are not the angels of death. We are there to alleviate symptoms and make you as comfortable as possible in your own home so you don’t have to go to the hosital. It’s a misconception that we just “knock people out”, the reality is that we want you to remain as alert as possible and have some relief from the pain. REMEMBER, YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF WHAT WE DO! We don’t expect you to sparkle or sing songs, although walking in and seeing you painted green might give me pause! I guess what I am trying to say is this disease is awful but we are there to help. If you don’t want to be brave then don’t. If you need to scream and rant with us, then do so. We don’t expect you to want us there, and that’s ok, but thank you for allowing us to come into your home. Much love and prayers Susan.
Thank you for saying this, Amy.
Prayers and positive thoughts, as the internet cliche goes. But I truly mean it.
Dont you know that you don’t even have to try to sparkle? Anyone you has ever been in a room with your smile can attest to that. Your sparkle is something no cancer can hide. LOVE YOU!
thinking of you and sending love
Thinking of you, as a rare poster but regular reader, as a fellow scientist, and as a fellow mommy of 2 boys. Hoping that hospice provides the pain relief that is their specialty and that you are able to feel well enough to do the things that you want to. Your specialty seems to be enjoying life to the fullest, so here’s wishing you the time to continue to do that!
Love and prayers to you and your family, Susan. Wishing there was more I could do.
Susan – sending much love and prayers to you and your wonderful family. You are an amazing woman, inspire me every time you write a post, I think of you daily.
(hugs)
Tina
You are amazing. So amazing and full of such beautiful words. I think we will all grab out paintbrushes and help paint you whatever color we need. So many prayers. So many.
Praying through tears. Thank you for all you have shared. Know that you are loved, even by strangers. May God bless you and your family with grace and strength as you fight this awful disease, and with His peace always.
God bless you and keep you, may the universe bless you and keep you. May you close your eyes and feel the love there is for you on this planet.
From the first days that I came across your blog, I was struck by your ability to be so self aware, and incredibly in the moment.
Your honesty, your vulnerability, your truthfulness to yourself.
You struck me hard, such a rare jewel with all the phoniness in the world.
You struck me hard.
Please feel the power of our prayers, and all the energy we send for you to have all that you need at this turn in life.
May you have all that you need.
Susan, your strength and grace are something I will always remember. Your fight for other women — as scientists, as survivors — is an inspiration that has already made such a difference in so many lives. We are thinking of you, sending you love and peace.
When the news is not what you would hope, a love like that, a friend like that, a humor and an intellect like that that beats in time with yours is the only solution. I’m so glad you have that in each other.
You are on my mind every day, now in a rainbow. 🙂
A beautiful post. Simple but so powerful. My love to you all x
Thinking of you, Susan. Wishing you comfort and wonderful times with your husband and sons.
My heart hurts. Love and prayers are coming to you from everywhere.
I am in awe of how much love you pour out for your little family, every minute. They will always know that you have given them every little bit you could, through everything. That’s an incredible gift.
Much love and many hugs to all of you.
Susan, wishing you a time with hospice to restore your strength, get some rest, enjoy your sweet family, and relieve your pain so that you can resume treatment and fight another day. Remember each moment that you aren’t fighting alone, you have our Lord and all of us behind you, cheering you on! May you feel the huge waves of love and compassion washing over you each minute as you continue on your journey. You have found those blessings in your daily life that so many of us miss, and you have brought us to the well to be thankful for each one of them. Many thanks to you, and let yourself enjoy a respite and some much deserved rest while your bone heals. Much love to you and yours. ❤
Your words give so much inspiration on so many levels — your words are filled with beauty, they model wisdom, they inspire love. I am deeply grateful for your words. Thank you! I have a heart full of good wishes for you and for your family.
from your fellow IBCer – you know I’m a purple girl – just look at my blog colour scheme, but today I am wearing purple and thinking of you, hoping hospice can give you and your family the support you need. And thank God for our husbands that are accompanying us on this journey
Your writing serves as inspiration for the kind of strength and love and capacity for joy that I hope to one day possess. Thinking of you and your family – and looking forward to the next post.
I can’t add anything that has not already been said,and better than I could ever say it. But in my mind I wish I could just sit next to you for a little while and just be there. I’ll bet there are many more like me who just don’t know what to say, but who are there in spirit following your journey and who really care.
Sending you love, light, and prayers. I hope that Hospice can control your pain….
You are an inspiration to many people around the world…
Just this afternoon I was wondering how you were doing…Strength, peace and comfort to you all.
Sending you so so so many warm thoughts. You are incredible.
I truly hope all your days include a liberal sprinkling of confetti and song.
Been following your adventure from afar for some time now and will continue to hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi Susan,
I have never commented on your blog before until now. God bless you and your family.
sending you positive juju so you may have more wonderful moments with our family.
Thank you for continuing to share with us. It was so wonderful to read of the awesome, unending pride your husband has in you for everything you have accomplished and everything you are. Thinking of you nonstop.
– Katherine
Sending love to you, Susan. xoxo
Sending love and prayers to you and your family.
Sending prayers.
Susan,
I said it before and I will say it again. You are AMAZING! You have helped so many people in this world with your words and honesty and intelligence and love that I do not even think you can begin to know how many. Please keep fighting and we will keep praying. You have been blessed to have such a wonderful husband to you and father to your boys.
I’ll totally cross the moat with Devra to visit you. Or fly to the moon with Amy. Sending big hugs and big prayers.
Sending you love. Sending love to your family.
I love you. Just wanted you to know.
Susan, I’m so happy you have an amazing husband to help you through this! I hope you’ll rest and grow stronger at home, and enjoy time with your little ones. Sending you all my wishes for hope and healing…
Prayers, healing thoughts and comfort for you and your family.
Love to you and prayers for you. I do not know you in person, but you are a wonderful Twitter friend. And purple sounds nice. 🙂
Thinking of you, Susan, and sending you a lot of love.
Prayers and hugs
Thinking of you, Susan. And maybe wishing my S.O. could learn at your husband’s feet about offering support and just the right words at the right time. Is he available for a zenmaster position such as that? 🙂
Praying for you and your family.
Sending you all my strength, love and prayers to you tonight and always.
Sam
Love and prayers to you and your family. This hits so close to home right now. Families shouldn’t have to have this happen.
Many blessings and support from a stranger in New York City.
Thoughts and prayers are with you
you sound like you are ready to live, i’m asking Jesus to help you do that…
Peace and love to you all.
Oh Susan, you have my thoughts and prayers. Big gentle hugs.
Oh honey. So much love for you. xoxo
I’ll totally cross the moat with Devra to visit you. Or fly to the moon with Amy. Sending big hugs and big prayers.
I don’t think I’ve ever left a comment here, since it always seemed like such a hard thing to do. Like, if I just lurked and didn’t engage I could pretend that it wasn’t happening. So I’m just leaving a note to say that you have more courage in your little finger than I have in my entire body, too scared to leave a note of encouragement all those times.
I don’t know if anything can give you comfort at this point, but please know that there are people you don’t know pulling for you.
Ditto! Wishing you quality time with your loved ones. Hugs to you all. And peace be with you.
Sending warm thoughts and a big hug your way….
Sending you love and strength from afar, like so many others.
Stopping by to leave a kind word and offer grace and peace to you, Susan. xoxo
sending buckets of love, peace, comfort.
xoxo
lis
I wish you peace, many moments with your loved ones, and may your children always know how much you loved them.
Light and love to you and your family
Sending reinforcement sparkles. In whichever shade is called for.
Your neighbor,
Kyran
Susan, you inspire and amaze me with every post. All my love and prayers to you and your family. Rest and heal and know that positive thoughts are being sent to you from every corner of the Internet.
Thinking of you Susan, passing on my love and best wishes xxxx
God damn the cancer. And God bless you. Thinking of you. Just – thinking of you.
So much love and light and fierce hugs and thanksgiving for you.
Praying for you, rooting for you, hoping for you. Wish there was more I could do.
I am crying as I write this. I do not know you, but your situation is so familiar to me. My father was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer which had already spread to his brain, lymph nodes, and pancreas. He was told that with treatment he might have another year. That was in July. We called in Hospice in November. The treatments didn’t slow the spread.
I share this not to make anyone feel sad for me. I miss my dad. But he was so ill. I share this because of my experience with Hospice.
I resented them at first. They were the “death watchers” in my mind. Watching over him, waiting for him to die. But looking back, I realize what they gave us.
We had a nurse dedicated to ensuring that what my father wanted was being seen to. We had social workers talking to us, advocating for us, making sure that we understood what is happening and making sure that we were okay.
Even if you are able to be treated and the doctors can make you better (which is my fervent prayer) I hope Hospice can help you and your family in the meantime. You are in my prayers. You have my thoughts and my love for you and your family.
Susan, sometimes I think you can’t possibly amaze me more than you have in the past. And then you do. What a beautiful post. Thank you. Sending love and hope to you and yours.
sending you a lot of love & many hugs to you and your family.
Sending love and purple glitter, lots of both.
Love and love and more love.
Sending love & prayers to you and your family.
you and your family are in my thoughts.
You. You graceful, beautiful, soulful thing. You embody grace. You embody spirit. This illness has not taken any of that from you. I am in a state of fervent meditation for your comfort and your peace. I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you.
Susan, I can’t add much to all the beautiful messages you’ve already been sent, b/c they are all perfect: full of love, inspired by you, praying for you and your family. You’ve given so many so much of yourself. There are many of us Moms in the world living painful lives, striving to be good Christians, good parents, decent people, but you show us its possible in your inspirational & honest messages of hope & love. Jesus walks with you. I pray He holds you lovingly and gently so you may have this time with your boys and husband. God Bless.
Prayers for both you and your family to have peace, love and comfort.
I came across your blog months and months ago while searching online for some random, trivial mom thing… can’t even remember what. Your words and your strength have touched my heart and I find myself checking in here often. As a fellow mom of two boys, you are a great example to me of a woman who has put the needs of her children before her own needs, playing with & loving them when it was so hard for you. They are blessed to have you as their mom. I am praying for comfort and strength and peace for you. And many more special moments with your sweet family.
Holding you in my thoughts and in my heart tonight. Wishing I were close so I could come actually hug you.
You’ve touched my life in so many ways. I’ll be forever grateful and I hope beyond hope that I’ll be able to tell you that to your face one day again.
Love you.
Joining everyone else in wishing you even more love, laughter and help with the pain. Sending warm fuzzies and prayers to continue to help you, your husband and your boys on this journey.
You have taught me so much. You have taught so many so much.
You are not your illness. You are an amazing, graceful, intelligent, thoughtful and loving leader. A courageous fighter.
I, along with so many others, am standing with you in prayer.
You have created quite an army….and Susan, we all love you.
I have not yet encountered a color you could not make yours. Purple?
This. Going down as one of the most beautiful things in history.
Prayers for you upstairs, when I get to bed.
xo
Light and love to you, Susan. Light and love.
I just met you. But I am praying that tomorrow i know you more.
Even though we’ve never spoken I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I don’t know you but I want there to be a tomorrow ( and many more) for you. You are beautiful. sending all my love.
You are the best. Simply the best. If there’s a right way to do cancer, you have done it every step of the way. Big-hearted, brave, smart, open, fully human.
Purple is my favorite color. I believe you can make it your own.
I wish I had profound words of hope or comfort. I don’t. I just want you to know that you will always be an inspiration.
Sending so much love and light to you and your family.
Thinking of you and sending warm (gentle) hugs.
Much love, thoughts and prayers to you. You are a strong person and your strength is a light for many. Here’s to you getting better. [invisible cheers]
When it is said that there is only love, this is what it means.
Holding you close in thoughts and prayers.
Much love to you, Susan. Prayers and healing thoughts being beamed your way, along with paintbrushes for hubs. xo
Lots of love to you and your family, Susan. I can’t imagine the strength needed to do what you do right now, and yet here you are, fighting the good fight and inspiring so many.
If I could, I’d drive all the way from Ohio to read to you or make you laugh while you rest and heal, I’d do it. But I know you’ve got an army of friends and family nearby who love you and are ready to do the same.
Still, if you ever want an Ohioan, just let me know. 😉
Susan, I started reading your blog because I have a little boy (he’s five now) who is obsessed with space. He tells us often that when he gets big, he’s going to to visit all the planets, but that he’ll come home for dinner and tell us all about them.
Thanks to you, I have woken my son from a dead sleep to take him outside to see the aurora. I’m whatever the opposite of a science geek might be, but reading your words have given me ideas and insights on how to inspire my own child.
Whatever happens to you next will be in the joint hands of science and god. Thank you for sharing your family’s life with ours, and peace to you and your family whatever the next months or years have in store for all of you.
This is the best. Thank you for sharing. Because above ALL ELSE, Susan is a wife, a mother, and a scientist. Family and science are her passions, and it makes me so so so happy when people let her know that she influences mamas to teach their children. Especially about space.
Thanks for sharing this.
I’m sending so much light and love you. To your boys. To your husband. To all of us touched by your words.
Peace, comfort, love, light, prayers – whatever I can give you…
Sending you love and light and all my best, strongest thoughts. You are loved and so, so wonderful.
Praying for you and your family tonight.
Susan tonight I walked outside & there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Boulder has this light pollution ordinance, so we have a great view of the night sky. The stars were twinkling so bright, it reminded me of you & your beauty. Sending some glowing light from the night sky and love.
Susan,
I have been thinking about you non-stop since your last post. I would love to know how many times I have popped in just to see how you were feeling. Wishing I had some sort of miracle, I would give it to you in a heartbeat. Stay strong amazing lady.
Sending peace, love, and comfort to you and your family!
Thinking of you and your family.
Praying for you x x
Thinking of you and praying for you.
Susanne I have read your blog for a very long time. I have read and re read every blog. My husband does not understand how I can care and worry and think about and check in (countless times a day) on someone I have never meet. My answer is this.
She is the most gifted writer, most awesome mother, most strongest advocate for breast cancer, and just down right amazing women. I trully care about you and feel so very angry that I can do nothing for you all the way over here in Australia when you have given me more than you will ever know. This is not goodbye time. Its gather strengh so you can contunure to fight for more time. Its not over.
Elesah xxxx
Susan, I don’t usually post comments on blogs, but didn’t want to let this one slip by without saying how much I have loved and learned from your words. How to love and care for your family even in the face of an exhausting illness; how to appreciate and accept the love of a husband; how to remain an advocate for your goals and principles with so little energy to spare. Even though bodies may fail, people live on in our hearts. You will live on in mine.
I am sending you love, light and prayers in abundance from the bottom of my heart. May you feel God holding your hand and your Angels guiding you home. Whenever that may be. Bless you and your family. Your dignity is a real tribute to how you have lived your life.
All my love and prayers.
I met you at Blogher; I know of you because of blogging. I just wanted to say that this is a beautiful post. Commenting on the rest, selfishly, makes me much too sad. Love to you & your family.
Adding my wishes for peace, comfort and relief from the pain, and more time for you to spend with your lovely family.
Hugs.
Deep bow to you, dear mama, strong woman. Sending you love and gratitude.
Susan you are joy light love strength bravery warmth kindness humour pride wife mother daughter friend – your presence is felt in my heart as I sit in my kitchen in Ireland with hope that you are surrounded by the love that you have given freely returned to heal your soul a thousand times over. Thank you for your words.
You are radiant, Susan. I know it hasn’t felt that way but you have profoundly touched so many hearts. Wishing for yours. xo
Your words have flooded me with every emotion and response…from tearful deep sorrow to glee and giggles. I will follow and pray as you walk this rocky road and hope that uplifting thoughts, words, and the power of prayer will help carry you over the roughest spots.
This blog should be followed by thousands, not hundreds. I will do my part in seeing that the blessing of knowing you through your writings is shared by many more.
I’m also sending thoughts of love, healing and good energy to you and your family. Thank you for letting us share in your journey in whatever way we can.
[…] A friend had posted a link to THIS. […]
You are never far from my thoughts, Susan. You and your whole family are always in my prayers and right now I am praying to God for a miracle because we both know he is still in the miracle-working business.
We love you.
I will be praying for you and your family.
[…] latest blog post is simply amazing. Even if you have never read her blog before I believe you will be inspired by […]
Peace and courage. Your grace and intelligence are transcendent. I am so sorry you and yours are having to go through this. But know always what a profound model you have provided to so many others.
I love this conversation. The care, tenderness encapsulated in it bowls me over. “You deserve to feel better.” Amen.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Love and light, Susan. Love and light.
I’m thinking of you, Susan. It sounds so silly and trite, but it’s true, and all I can think of to say.
So many comments, most more eloquent than mine… You deserve to feel better, purple is a most excellent color, bless the hospice lady for not expecting confetti, and bless you and your wonderful family. Your strength inspires me, your courage humbles me. You know I don’t pray, but for you, today, I shall.
Susan,
As a scientist mom with a little boy who was born close to the same time as your younger boy, I have been reading since prior to your diagnosis. We are all sending you love and keeping you in our prayers.
Love, sending love. Praying, sending prayer. Cindy
Sending love and light and the fierce prayers your way.
We are here for you. Thinking about you. And praying.
I am praying for you Susan, your boys, husband, and family.
Holding you and your family in my thoughts always. Your strength amazes and inspires me.
So much love to you, Susan. So much love and healing.
My love to you, today and always. You are an inspiration to me and to so many Susan, not just as you fight this terrible disease but in the way you fight to remain present in your life and in the lives of all you touch, and most of all in the way you strive, always, to just be the very best mother and wife you can be and to love your family with all your heart and soul.
Sending you and your family love, prayers and hugs.
[…] https://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/how-did-we-get-here/ […]
You are the apple of our eye, embraced around the world by many hearts. Much love to you and your family.
Sending you love and wishes for healing and comfort. You are such a special person to so many people!
I don’t know what to say but wanted to say something. So much love being sent your way. So, so much.
Sending hope and love and strength.
That husband of yours is the best. And he married so well! I am praying always. Love you.
Susan,
Like so many others, your inspiring story has shown me how to be a better person in times of struggle. I am also a breast cancer survivor (early stage), and because of that can’t have any more children. When I get sad about that, I take my son out to see the stars, and tell him about this amazing woman so far away that has shown me how to count my blessings, and live each day to the fullest.
Everything will be alright. Your soul is preparing for its next journey. The nonstop adventures will not end here. Peace beyond earthly understanding I wish for you & your entire family.
You are amazing, your family is amazing and I hope that hospice recognizes that. I don’t comment much, but a read your blog. I hope that your blog helps us all to be better people.
Peace and love and comfort to you and your family.
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGZ!!))
You are such a badass, Susan. From the day I met you you have been teaching me – how to parent with intelligence, how to stand tall in the face of shitstorms, how to accept love. You are the color of grace – every shade and hue. Thank you for all that you are and all that you will continue to be. xoxo
Dear Susan, thank you so much for sharing your amazing experience, strength and hope with us. I have learned so much from you, as I accompanied my husband on his journey through cancer and to his death this past year, and as he now takes on a different form in our family life with our two young children. Your love for your family, your passion for science, and your willingness to share your vulnerability are all powerful gifts that will live on after your body gets all worn out, as we say in our family. And of course, your spirit will live in our hearts – all of our hearts – especially your three guys. Your star shines brighter than the sun, and I wish you peace, the strength to let go, and the knowledge that you are held in the arms of your loving creator and all of us who love you.
I think about you and your family *all* the time.
My first hello. Hello! I wish I could fly across the miles and make your bed comfortable and take your kids for ice cream.
Stay strong, keep fighting. Sending you hugs and love.
[…] How did we get here? I asked my love, across the bed strewn with children’s toys, books, and an oxygen tank.Read More […]
I love you Susan, at the worst moment in years, at the lowest moment for me, you were there for me, giving and kind and lovely. And you had more than enough on your plate, with your own family and cancer and all the other issues you had going on.
I appreciate those messages and kind words more than you will ever know. You saved me. I would give everything I have to be able to save you back.
Holding you in the light….
Praying for you
Susan, My heart hurts for you and I wish I could help relieve your pain. Know that you have touched all of us who read your blog or knows you. You are a teacher and an inspiration.
Susan, I remember first subscribing to your blog years ago, when you posted about rescuing dogs. After joining TeamWhyMom I quit blogging, but I’ve never quit reading you. Learning from you. Being inspired by you and your amazing grace.
You are in my heart and prayers, like many others, always. Always. Know you make a profound difference and impact on many. Your children truly won the Mom lottery with you, my friend.
I wish you and your beautiful family nothing but love and peace. Always.
Grace is the word that comes to mind.
I will add my prayers with others as they hold you and your family before the throne of God. Hugs…
Sending love, thoughts, and prayers. When I think of grace and courage, I think of you.
Tomorrow.
Susan, thinking of you with so much love. And so many colors, too.
Oh Susan, you’re such a fighter! Sending love, peace, and prayers to you…
PS Purple is my favorite color
Thinking of you, and wishing I had a miracle.
As I told your husband the other day, you live “the sacrament of the present moment” better than anyone I have ever met. I love you, in any color. You are wonderful.
Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmity. For we know not what we should pray for as we ought; but the Spirit himself asketh for us with unspeakable groanings. 27 And he that searcheth the hearts, knoweth what the Spirit desireth; because he asketh for the saints according to God.
Surely the Holy Spirit groans for you at this very moment.
Thinking of you. Thinking, wishing, hoping, praying… all of it.
I began to write last night, to send you my love and my thoughts. I’m glad I forgot because it gave me a chance to scroll through all of these comments. Somewhere in the midst of it, music began to play in my head. For whatever reason, I am hearing Colors of the Wind from Pocahontas….. Why I feel they fit, I don’t know. I just know they are in my head…
“You think the only people who are people
Are the people who look and think like you
But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger
You’ll learn things you never knew you never knew
………………
And we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends”
I think maybe it’s the love and devotion that comes right off the screen as you banter about green and purple. And I began to hear: “Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?”
You use millions of colors every time you share yourself with us.
Love to you. Today and every day…
AnneMarie
You are an amazing person, holding on to the joys of life even when you are in so much pain. I don’t think I can say the right words to let you know what a powerful force you are, to honor daily life the way you do. Thank you for your spirit, your humor, your grace. I’m wishing you less pain and as many more days of life as you have the willpower to live!
Susan, I love you very much. Praying for you and all if your strong, strong boys. They are strong. You gave that to them.
Prayers for you and your beautiful family Susan, you are a source of true inspiration and light.
Susan, I’ve never commented here before but I’ve been following you for a long time now. I just wanted to let you know that you inspire me and you and your family are in my prayers.
amazing and powerful, as always. nothing defeats you, ever.
Whatever happens from here on in, know that you have taught your children priceless lessons about strength, courage and grace.
I am praying for you…so hard.
Do your kids know how many hundreds of aunties they have, that are always here for them?
And for you….always for you.
xoxo
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. -Lao Tzu
Stay strong Susan, you love your family deeply, and you are deeply loved by them and so many others.
Thinking of you.
Sending you and your family smiles, love, hugs and prayers!
You are an inspiration.
I’ve never met you and probably never will but I think of you constantly (not in a weird, stalker-ish kind of way, I swear!).
Just wanted you to know that you have made an impression on me. xoxo
I went to bed thinking about you guys and woke up still thinking about you guys. I’ll continue to do so. Sending you all my love and prayers and strength. ❤
Thinking of you and your family
Susan,
I have been following your story since you first were diagnosed and have been so inspired by you. You have made so many young women/mothers rethink breast-related symptoms and get checked. Think of how many lives you have saved! Wishing you peace, strength and time with your family over the next few days and weeks.
Best,
Meagan
Been thinking of you all so much lately. (As in, if you check your stats, you might start thinking I’m a stalker.) Sending you hugs, thoughts, prayers, songs, interpretive dance, sparkles… You name it.
P.S. If you guys drink Ski, let me know. Cause at least I can run to Breese and send you some of that. 😉
Love and prayers, Susan, love and prayers for you and your family.
I just found you through Annie Heckenberger today, and I’m so grateful that you are sharing your journey. Sending you hugs like I’ve known you for years, though we’ve only just “met.”
Deep peace from the Universe to you.
Hello! I have also arrived via Ms. Heckenberger. You are an amazing, inspiring person, and I appreciate you allowing us to be a part of your journey. Much love to you and your family.
I have been reading your blog (and praying for you and your family) for years, but have never commented. My daughter and I call you “the NASA mom). Your children are so lucky to have you and your husband for parents. Your fight against this awful disease has been so inspirational, and the information you have posted has truly helped so many people going through similar battles. We send much love and prayers!
Sending you love, hugs and some brilliant South African sunshine to brighten your day. You are the most inspiring person I know xx
I also found you through Annie Heckenberger today , you are an inspiration and an amazing woman!! Sending you love, prayers and strength to you and your family!
I’ve never commented before but I want to let you know that I am right in line with all the others sending warm wishes and gentle hugs. Praying for you to get through this and I want to tell you your writings are touching and inspirational.
It’s so good to know that you came home, Susan, and I’m reading all the touching responses to you through my tears. Since those weeks four years ago when we met virtually after our mastectomies, it’s been so easy to come to love you. Now just know that you and your family are in the prayers of many of us around the planet. How wonderful it is to know that hundreds of people who who you have touched with your spirit and your love of life are holding you in their hearts as I do and are praying for your comfort and peace.
Many hospice workers, I have found, are full of life-enriching grace. I hope you got great ones that love you and clearly see what an inspiring woman you are. I am holding you and your family in love and light today.
You teach us all, all the time.
Prayers for you….
Susan, your family and you are in my thoughts and prayers. You don’t know me but your determination and beautiful smile have touched my heart.
You are such a beautiful mommy, wife, woman. And you inspire so many. We won’t let you go. Ever.
Wishing you much peace and comfort.
Thank you Susan for this private glance. For those of us who know your strength and grace only as readers, it is calming to know that you have an amazing compassionate partner to help you through these dark times. Find peace.
I’m praying for your comfort, physical and otherwise.
I’m sending you prayers and positive energy. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful post and an example of what it means to have a soul-mate, a true love in sickness and health.
Keeping you and family in my prayers. May you find peace and comfort in all the love and prayers coming your way.
Thank you for sharing this beautiful moment. Wishing you strength and love for many tomorrows.
You are not far from my thoughts all day, all night long. We are breathing with you. Rest well today.
Praying for you and thinking of you.
I tried to send this yesterday, but the internets were conspiring against me. I said prayers for you yesterday while baking bread. For some reason baking bread is always a time of meditation for me and you were on my mind. Hoping this is a time of rest and healing for you and that you can feel all the love from all of us.
I have followed your blog for years and like many others here, I wish you all the peace and love you can have. You and your family are in my prayers. Peace be with you.
Susan, thinking of you every day. Prayers, cyber-love, a rainbow of colors.
*Sparklers* You are so loved. *Confetti*
I surely don’t know how you got here, but I am so glad you are. I have learned from you about what real strength and love and grace look like and I cherish my little moments and I wish all of that bounces right back at you. Tonight I will look out my window at the stars and ask the universe to give you what you need, you’ve given so much to so many. (times infinity) love to you. xo.
Prayers coming your way from Wisconsin. Love & thoughts for your amazing, wonderful family too. Purple or green, confetti or not, you are a shining example of love, compassion, and determination to us all.
Holding you and your family in my thoughts x
Prayers, strength and love coming to you and your family from San Francisco.
Reading of your battle reminds me of my mother’s courage.Were it not for her, none of us would have been able to bear it. I know far too well what your lovely husband is saying. Soak it up my love, you deserve it all. I wish you comfort… that was all I wanted for my mother, to ease her pain – I would have kept the pain for me to bear if I could have. You give and have given your family priceless gifts through your grace and your fight…. Keep that light, but it’s ok to have a rest and let hospice help you. They are wonderful people with incredible capacity to love, listen and hold you in their care. Praying for hope. There will always be hope.
Nothing but love for you and yours. Do you have any idea how many you have touched, in so many ways and for so many reasons? Sending you the breath of love and peace with all my heart. soft soft hug— Donna
I have nothing good to say. I just wanted you to see my name here as testament of one more life you have changed for the better. Prayers to you.
You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Susan,
Somehow I could imagine you painted green… with a twinkle in your eye and a diva sleeve! I hope you feel the warmth and support that surrounds you, both in the virtual world and in 2D. We’re with you.
–Gayle
Prayers. As always.
Caroline
– a friend of Leticia’s for many years
Sending you and your family love, hope and Reiki blessings….
Today was my first time visiting your blog. I work with toddlers and your blog’s name touched my heart.
Now that I’m here, I find it’s your journey and your capacity for life & love that has touched my heart.
Be well. xo,
Sarah
it is a priviledge to read your blog and bear witness to your struggle. I’ve never commented before but I’ve admired your dedication to and appreciation for your family. You set a fantastic example. love and strength from m family to you and yours
Thinking of you tonight and sending you well wishes. May you have a restful, healing night.
Susan, I’m thinking of you. I’m sending so much love your way. For you and your family.
You, my friend, sparkle in my mind every time I think of you. And now it will be purple sparkle. If you need a visit OTHER than the hospice nurse, I am right down the road. Much love, peace and healing to you.
I am praying for you and all you love; may you find comfort.
Sending grace, which you personify.
Sending you love and prayers, Susan. I’m so blessed to have gotten to know you, if only by phone.
Prayers from Rhode Island.
Susan, your words are so powerful, your thoughts so touching. I am praying for your pain to cease. You have been such a strong fighter through this all. I hope and pray you Beat this with flying COLORS..We are all so lucky to have you in our lives..
Love and light to you.
You don’t know me, but I am praying for you, thinking of your family, crying tears for you. Sending you strength. Lots and lots of strength.
Prayers coming to each of you–I’m holding your family in my thoughts.
Thinking of you 🙂 …You’re amazing!
Dear Susan:
You honesty in such difficult times is humbling. You are so beautiful and brave. I hope the radiation goes smoothly and the hospice lady is an angel. You and your loved ones are in my prayers.
Truly, Matt
Look at all of these people! All of this love and support and prayers. What an amazing lady you must truly be. I add my love and support and prayers as well. Hoping it gives you exactly what you need – whatever that may be – exactly when you need it.
I’m in tears reading this beautiful, moving post (one of so many), and sending love and prayers to you and yours. Thank you for finding the courage, strength and energy to write and share your thoughts with all of us.
Much love,
Liza
New reader…what a beautiful soul and a powerful spirit you have. Prayers for you and your family.
Susan we go back over 20 years and you have been such an inspiration to me! I am keeping you and your family in my prayers!! Love you much!!
Tunya Starks
William B. Murrah C/O 1991
Oh, sweetness. You’ve been on my mind all day, and for many days (& months!). I pray you are resting, that the pain is manageable, that the hugs, kisses and snuggled are endless, and that you know – know deep, deep in your core – how much you are loved; how many you inspire. xo
Oh Susan, my heart is weeping! I have lurked here for a long time but rarely commented. You are so eloquent and beautiful. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. If I may give you a small story..one late afternoon I was burning dinner and the kitchen filled with smoke. As I stood there, my young son came in and said, “Look, mom, the rays of Jesus.” The sunlight from my window had filtered through the smoke and produced the rays. Dear Susan, may the rays of Jesus shine upon you and your family and know that you have touched many lives.
Oh Susan. I’m thinking of you and praying for you, for all those that you love, and that love you.
My jr high and high school classmate
We last spoke roughly 3 years ago when you told me your story. May GOD bless your husband and children. The heart of a great person. You have that. The incredible mind. You have that. But the spirit of what makes us all human comes through your pores! Hang in there my friend.
Sending so much love & light your way, Susan. You continue to be such an inspiration to us all. Hugs & love,
Amy
Praying for you Susan! You inspire so many people myself included. Love you!
God is amazing, and He finds you to be one of the most beautiful women He’s ever created.May you continue to live through much mercy and grace. Heaven is bein flooded with prayers in your honor. I lift you up in prayere thal covers you with much peace and joy and hope. praise Jesus. Amendment
I’m thinking of you. xo
Susan, I found you through science and have lurked here for years. I hope for comfort, peace and togetherness for you and your family.
God bless you, Susan. You’re really quite wonderful.
I stumbled across your blog about six months ago and I’ve been checking back almost daily since. Your strength and courage is so impressive. Sharing your experience has brought comfort to me in my personal experience with my mother’s cancer, so thank you for sharing. Praying for you and your family.
Dear Susan,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. You’re truly a beautiful soul and such an inspiration.
Sending lots of love and hugs,
Deb
Susan, I just saw someone post your story and ask for prayer on your behalf. I stumbled on your blog and I am SO GLAD I found your story. I am “TRULY” inspired by your courage and your ambition to fight your illness. I will pray for you and your family. God is in control and he has the final “SAY”! GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY
What an unbelievably beautiful post. I feel so honored that I got to meet you in person last year. Sending blessings and healing prayers to you and your family.
Dear Susan,
I’m a long time lurker and first time commenter. I can’t remember how I found your blog but I’m so glad I did as you are an inspiration to so many. You are such a remarkable woman with an amazing husband and extended family, and two beautiful little boys.
The grace and strength you have shown during your treatment is incredible–you have an amazing spirit and are a blessing to us all. I have thought of you on a daily basis and have kept you in my prayers, each time praying for a treatment that would be successful in buying you more quality time with your family. I know you will never give up the fight, no matter what, and I pray that hospice can help you feel better so you can keep on fighting. You have people cheering you on and praying for you from all over the internet~
May God bless you and your family and fill your days with lots of love, hugs, and good memories.
Sincerely,
Tammy N. in Colorado
I love you and I’m praying for you…
Wishing you many tomorrows. Much love.
I’ve been trying to figure out what’s going to happen next in my life, and I keep thinking that I want to be like Susan. I’m crying here reading this. Thank you for all the inspiration you’ve given, for those of us with chronic illnesses, for everything.
This is the best way http://pintojukjun.blogspot.com/2011/10/think-of-death-be-happy.html
Peace. Love.
Holding you in our thoughts … wishing you are held in arms of love.
[…] If you’d like to add a message of love, please leave her a comment here. […]
Prayers for you – and your family! Glad that you are home and surrounded by your family’s love!
good morning, you. just wanted to stop in and tell you i’m thinking about you, Susan.
wish you were here: i have good coffee this morning. i’d like to share. wish i were there: i’d like to laugh and hold your hand.
Susan, I read this post late last night, was affected by it, but did not comment then. Overnight, I dreamt about you. I dreamed that I met up with you somehow and we were discussing favorite children’s books. You were active and looked great and at one point were visiting the school of one of your boys. It was as if I was following you around like a groupie.
Anyhow, I hope that my dream about you comes true — at least the part about your looking well, being active, and being at your son’s school.
Blessings to you and your family.
— Joan in PA
Oh, Susan. Praying for you and your family. We will forgive you for not being “sparkly.” 🙂
Love and thoughts from across the Pacific tonight.
Susan,
My thoughts have been with you, especially lately. Thank you for sharing, for helping others to see what your journey is like.
With respect,
Elaine
[…] @whymommy who continues her years-long battle with cancer. Be sure to read her most recent post, How did we get here? and check out her blog, Toddler Planet. She received the Bloganthropy Award at the last Type-A […]
Sending my love and best wishes, Susan…
Sending love, Susan x
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, Susan. You are an inspiration to so many. Sending love, light, prayers and hope to you and your family.
You and your husband are amazing. An inspiration. I read your post aloud at dinner tonight with a catch in my voice and tears in my eyes but as much as anything, for the love you so eloquently have for each other.
it is so hard to keep love and tenderness through trauma and illness and grief. You have done so with such grace.
I am also a long time lurker and infrequent commenter — but I wanted you to know that you have been an inspiration to me as well. I originally came across your blog years ago when you posted about all the different fun things to do with a toddler in the DC area. And you inspired me to take my 2 boys to the NASA Goddard Space Center numerous times, which I know is a special place for you, and which we will return to. But beyond that, as a mom of 2 young boys you have reminded me (like many others here who have commented) just how important it is to enjoy and appreciate your family and the time you have with them, be it a day at home reading in bed or an adventure to learn about the unvierse. Thank you, and I wish you much strength, peace, and love to you and your family.
Although I can’t actually *GIVE* you the Moon, if I could, you totally know that I would. Sending all sorts of positive energy your way. ❤ like crazy!!
Just popping in this morning to tell you I”m sending much love your way.
Suan, we all love you and are sending tons of postive energy to you and your whole family.
Hello, Susan,
I just started reading your blog. Thank you.
Please consider taking the following mushroom extract:
http://www.fungi.com/supplements/extracts.html
My father is battling lymphoma and is now taking this. It is remarkable what has happened as far as his strength returning…all while undergoing a massive chemo regimen to see if he can do bone marrow transplant. This could do something amazing. If you haven’t already, read about mushrooms and cancer/immunity/etc.
Love nad healing light to you and your family!
Kierstan- Which one does your father take?
FYI:
Results of a seven-year study funded by the National Institutes of Health looked at the use of turkey tail mushroom (Trametes versicolor) to boost immunity in women who had been treated for breast cancer. (The mushroom’s name comes from its unique shape and colors, which make it resemble a wild turkey’s tail.) Researchers at the University of Minnesota and Bastyr University conducted the study in women with stages I-III breast cancer who had completed radiation therapy or chemotherapy. Results showed that immune function was enhanced in the women who took daily doses of turkey tail in pill form. (The actual product used in the study was Host Defense Turkey Tail mushroom from Fungi Perfecti.) The researchers reported that the improved immune response was dose dependent and that none of the subjects suffered any adverse effects. The findings were reported in November, 2010, at the International Conference of the Society of Integrative Oncology in New York.
I gave my father the MyCommunity™ blend from Fungi Perfecti.
MyCommunity is a synergistic blend of 17 mushroom species. Recently renamed, MyCommunity is the 17 species Host Defense formula originally created by Paul Stamets—the most comprehensive formula for Supporting Natural Immunity produced by Fungi Perfecti.* Sold in 2 fluid ounce bottles.
http://www.fungi.com/supplements/extracts.html
PS: Note: I do not have any involvement with this company…I simply believe that mushrooms really do have incredible properties as evidenced by many studies…and thousands of years of use.
I have been thinking of you. Thank you for sharing this beautiful bit of conversation. I love that you and your husband are so strong together, and even more that you are funny together. Wishing your family continued strength, hope, and humor.
Lifting you up to the Lord this morning.
Sending love. We’ve never met but please know that you’re my hero!
I’ve been reading you since close to the beginning of your journey, Susan, and you have and will continue to touch my life in so many ways. I’m not a hugely religious person, but I’m praying for you – harder than I ever have before. You’re in my thoughts and will remain there. Rest, gather your strength, and enjoy your family. Bless.
Susan, I am sending you all the strength I can. You amaze me every single day.
Much love to you and your family from both of us. Janine and Robert
Thinking of you, sending you love and strength.
May God bless and keep you and yours, Susan, today and always, and may you and they feel the embrace of the everlasting arms. I’m so inspired by you, and will keep you in my prayers.
Still praying and sending love…
How can I be so inspired by someone I’ve never met? I don’t know, Susan, but you are the one who has done that. It’s a bit ironic, I think, that your blog post “In the Name of Awareness” made ME aware of the realities of the disease, beyond the pink ribbons and bra postings, taught to me through your writing.
I am a better person for having had the privilege of knowing you through Toddler Planet. Sending love and prayers to all of you.
Hi Susan. How are you feeling today? I hope you are much better…
You bring so much joy and awareness. Thank you for the words you write. But now, focus on you and your family!!
Love. Peace. Prayers.
thinking of you…. always thinking of you
You have touched so many, many people without even meeting them; what an amazing feat. I am hoping and praying, and wishing you all the best.
You are a true inspiration – you have given your children an everlasting gift.
This moment all we have and I pray that, in this moment, you feel peace and love.
Susan, I’ve been following your blog for three years now after you responded to a breast lump scare I posted about on the DCUM listserve. I wish I could meet you in person because you are an incredible, beautiful person who I’m willing to bet lights up a room. Thank you so much for always giving me so much to think about. Your writing has truly touched so many people. I’m sending prayers of peace and love for you and your family.
[…] And sadly, a friend who has chronicled and amazing journey of surviving cancer four times but is currently receiving hospice care as she fights metastatic breast cancer in her spine, neck, ribs, and hips. If you read my blog […]
[…] i am forty. and she is in hospice far […]
Praying for strength, healing (whatever kind of healing God has in mind), peace and grace for you and your family.
Dear Susan,
Thank you for writing here and sharing your journey. I have learned so much about metastatic cancer and cancer research from reading your blog. I work at a large pharmaceutical company that does cancer research (I work in a different area) and I promise that I will take every opportunity to ask why we are not working on curing metastic disease.
I am a little in awe of your educational and professional accomplishments (space scares me and I was leveled by first year physics). I hope that I will be as thoughtful, loving and fun mom to my girls as you are to your boys.
Take good care of yourself,
Elise
Hi Susan — Just checking in again today to send a cyber-hug. Thinking of you and your family constantly.
Dear Susan,
Thank you for all your wonderful blogs and inspirational thoughts as they have inspired our entire writing team to make you a very important part of our NASA Solar System Web site. You are in our thoughts. We are so grateful to you for your amazing blogs, expertise and strength.
Healing thoughts to you and your family,
Sam
[…] Susan’s latest post indicated that she needs hospice care. Please keep Susan, her husband, and her two little boys (4 and 6) in your prayers. […]
Susan, you have become my standard-bearer for courage! You and Curt and the kids are in my thoughts, sending lots of good wishes your way.
[…] here’s a link, so you too can be inspired, supportive… whatever you feel called to do. Surely if we keep […]
The sparkles fly from your mind down through your fingers to the keyboard. Healing doesn’t take away your sparkles and neither does the cancer. The sparkles are always there, even when you don’t feel it.
“I do not understand the mystery of grace — only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”
― Anne Lamott
May grace be your companion each day, each minute, each breath.
Susan,
Writing as an often reader, but infrequent commenter. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You and your family are in my thoughts- sending good wishes and peace your way.
Susan, I continue to be amazed at your gift for sharing your story, struggle and survival. You are always in my thoughts and prayers.
So much love to you, beautiful.
Sounds strange, but hospice can be pretty terrific. They really know their stuff. Remember they’re there for your family, too. Take advantage of all they can offer. Find out if they have a therapy-dog program. Kiddos might get a kick out of a furry visitor. It can be a hilarious diversion. We’ll be thinking of you and yours. I hope it gives you peace.
Prayers, prayers, prayers
Thinking of you. Sending you strength, love and peace.
Just a note to say that I’m praying for you and all the family every minute I can. I was in and out of sleep all night, praying for you through the dark marches. I’m praying for you now. Much love.
Just sending love and some virtual cherry pies from Baltimore (am a friend of Kate’s from UpsideBackwards). You are an inspiration, Susan, and forever more one of my heroes.
Susan, you continue to be in my prayers. I don’t think I have ever commented here but I have followed your journey without which I would never have known about IBC. You are greatly loved and my prayers go out for Little Bear (I have one, too), Widget, and your husband.
God Bless you and your family. Saying prayers and sending lots of good thoughts.
Wishing you and yours love and light. Holding you all up in prayer. Thank you for being a voice for so many. You are a treasure, Susan.
i ❤ u susan mommy 🙂
sending you healing energy + friend power + gratitude for your generous spirit + energy. you are my hero 🙂
i'm wearing the lymphedema sleeve you hooked me up with 🙂
rest up, fill up with energy + miracles *******************************
You and your beautiful family are in my heart, my thoughts, my prayers. Your words show grace, courage, humor and amazing love. Sending prayers, hugs, warm thoughts, hope, peace, and so much love and admiration to you and yours. We love you, Susan!
I just want to thank you, Susan. For being the person you are. I wish I could help you with words or in any other way right now.
Sending you much aloha and strength and grace to fight.
Many, many hugs and soooooooo much love to you and your family.
Susan – you are a true gift.
I’ve been stopping by frequently these past few days, and am awed by the beautiful comments here!! Susan, I pray that you feel everyone “virtually gathered around you” at this very moment… Your Princess Army has clearly heard the call to arms! Gentle, loving arms, they are, supporting you always.
What a powerful community you have created here– it is all because of you.
Sending you love and many, many prayers, as always,
CGF and Girlies 3 XOXOXO
I’m just a fellow (stranger/stalker) Arlington mom who is thinking about you and praying for you.
Susan, I’ve never met you but you are my hero. You are truly a wonderful, great person.
Continuing to pray for you and yours.
Susan, thank you for sharing with us. I’ll be thinking of you and your family and sending love and prayers.
There are some people you meet in life that make an impression………. who impart love, genuineness, and keep it real! YOU are so cool and oh, so real! Love fluffiness and prayers to you and all of your loved ones! Rock on! We are here, standing, kneeing and sitting as sentries, right here for you and those around you. We are here for you!
Rosemary
Thinking of you always. With love.
Lots of love and prayers. I admire you greatly.
Inspired by you. In tears for you. In awe of your courage. You are amazing. You are loved.
Thinking of you and sending prayers, love and peace.
best way for you http://pintojukjun.blogspot.com/
By this point I am one of nearly 500 voices (and I am sure there are many more to come) sending my love and prayers, wishing this were something other than what it is. Of all the twinkly stars in the sky you shine so bright my friend, and you will go on shining, forever, in the hearts and minds of your family, first and foremost, but also of everyone whose lives you have touched. And we are many. And we love you.
Sending you love and prayers Susan xx
Sending thoughts and prayers your way. Visiting from Kelley’s blog
*HUGS* I wish my words could convey how touched I am by your words.
Will pray for a miracle for you…
Your grace and bravery are astonishing. As is your ability to find humor. Peace to you. And love, lots of love.
You’re always on my mind, Susan. You’re an inspiration to all of us. Praying for you. xx
Random thoughts: The other night I directed Marty to Psalm 62. It is one of several passages that have given me strength. You are always in my prayers as I pray w/o ceasing for you and all who love you. Curt and Tom undoubtably have been cut from the same cloth which assures me of just how very special he is and how special what you have together is. When I think of you, I picture you in my living room, ready for some dance and your dates (you know who) standing beside you in ridiculous plastic bow ties. You had that terrific “Susan” smile on your face. Remind me sometime to tell you of the time I was preparing to leave the hospital and the nurses were looking EVERYWHERE for my prosthesis. One even came in the room and looked under the cover and went out of the room mumbling to herself. They were looking for a leg. Humor has served us well! Blessings to each of you, dear friend.
Love to you. You have touched my life. I am amazed by the loving wife and mother you are despite the challenges.
You are clearly surrounded by mountains of love, both in real life and through the internet. In this age of selfishness and closed-mindedness, you broke through and made people look around and see light and goodness.
That is pretty amazing, when you think about it.
I wish you and your family strong hearts, peace, and even more love.
(Oh, and don’t listen to a word from Kristen H, she just tries to disguise her angel wings by being a smack-talking, libertarian shit stirrer! 🙂
Sent here by Susan at Crunchy Granola. Sending you love and gentle hugs.
Peace & virtual hugs to you & your family from a stranger/lurker. You’re such an inspirational writer.
Lots of gentle hugs and good thoughts sent your way from a fellow MBC-er in MD. You are truly an inspiration.
You are an amazing woman. An amazing mom. An amazing person. I wish for you so much more time with your family and friends.
I have been thinking and praying for you and your husband and the boys all day and have asked all my friends to as well.
Susan, I’ve never met you, but will tell you that your strength is beyond what I could ever imagine for myself. Your family is blessed to have such a fighter in their lives. I am wishing you nothing but love, blessings, and prayers.
May you live strong and long as your indomitable spirit illuminates the dark matter and sparkles through the galaxy beyond the planets. Somewhere out there we all achieve immortality, all of us. You too.
Susan, you have always been an inspiration. I’m praying for you and your beautiful family. xxoo
Love and strength to you and yours. XO
Many blessings and support tp you and yours from Toronto
Clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose. Bless you
Dear Susan,
I only recently starting reading your blog by way of Stimey. I have forwarded your story to many friends both to build awareness and gather more prayers. I like everyone else am inspired by your strength and dedication to your family.
Wishing you peace, comfort and renewal to fight another day.
Carol
Susan, you and your story have moved me to prayer. I feelas though I know you by reading your posts and from I hear 3rd hand about the amazing person you are. Thank you for your candor and sharing your kind spirit. Peace.
All I can say is you are in my prayers.
[…] I read this blog two days ago – between finishing the book and reading this – I have so much to be THANKFUL for… the material things may only last for the moment, but I am THANKFUL that I have that moment… (WARNING grab your tissues – remember this blog is by a woman with children 4 and 6!!!); https://toddlerplanet.wordpress.com/2012/01/22/how-did-we-get-here/ […]
Thinking of you and your family.
You and your family are in my prayers. You are an inspiration to me and so many others!
Here I am, #482 – ordinarily, I wouldn’t bother to comment on a post with nearly 500 comments – I mean, who reads them all? But even if my words never get read, I want to write – I NEED to write – that you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met – your heroism in the face of this bastard disease has been so inspiring – you made me go get a mammogram, for god’s sake! I love you, Susan – I love that our babies were born within weeks of each other – we shared the joy of breastfeeding for a time – and over the struggle of our lives, we became friends. I wish for whatever YOU wish for at this juncture. I want no more pain for you. I want love, laughter and light for you. I am so proud of you.
Just sending love. You are amazing, and so many people know it. I hope you do, too.
I’m willing to bet that you were all sparkly to the hospice lady. Why? Because you are all sparkly yourself. Think and pray for you everyday. Probably most of the people commenting here are strangers to you, like I am. But, each one of us has been touched by you in some way. You’ve been an inspiration and a joy to everyone who knows you in some way. I can’t wait to read your next post. Keep inspiring us SUSAN.
I’m thinking about you every day, and praying for comfort, for special moments with your family, for less pain and more love.
Susan, I discovered your blog shortly after my diagnosis, and I’m so glad I did. I was so scared, and I was worried about my baby, too. What would happen to her? You seemed to speak directly to me through your blog, telling me that I would continue to live and find joy each day even through treatment, that I can still be a good mom, that cancer didn’t define me, and that my baby will be happy. I read back through posts for hours that night, and the more I read, the easier I breathed. You were the one who helped me understand that I can do this. Your blog is such a gift to me, and to so many more. Thank you! I’m wishing you and your family comfort, and strength, and beautiful moments, and love. so much love.
Dear Susan: You have never been far from my thoughts since I discovered your blog last year. Now you are in my thoughts every day, and I know that I will continue to think of you often. This may seem strange to say to a stranger, except that you have a unique capacity to inspire, through your beautiful and well-chosen words, through your passion and ability to focus on the moment, through your love of family and friends. You have shown, and continue to show me so much, but I think the greatest lesson is your example as a mother. I am in awe of you and deeply grateful for what you share with your readers. Sending you and your family love and all the healing power I can muster.
Hello, Universe? I just discovered Susan and her blog a few weeks ago. I was drawn by the Lego Princess Warriors from another blog. So,to all of you powers out there that make the impossible possible – it’s magic time. Give Susan, her family, her docs, and her army of friends the power to fix her body so that it can keep up with her amazing mind and spirit. Medicine is an art form. Susan, may your docs find the right path to transform and heal your body. I believe in miracles.
tons of love to you,
melwina
Sending yet another wish and hope for a healthy, pain free day filled with your family and laughter. Also sending hopes for a wonderful hospice provider and strength for your loved ones…
Dear, sweet Susan, i have been a devoted follower of your blog since my own diagnosis and recurrence 4 years ago. I too am blessed witht he love of a wonderful child and husband that has sustained me through it all. Your eloquence and honesty have never ceased to amaze me. I have, at times, printed out your posts to give to my husband and said “read this, this is how i feel too”. you have spoken for me, as i am sure you have spoken for so many others. You are, and will always be, my model for living a life of grace under pressure.
Sending much love from the Powell Family to you and to your family.
I just discovered your blog recently via teachmama and I am SO grateful. Your words have filled and surrounded my heart and have helped me become a better mother, wife, and friend. You are so inspiring in your courage and strength. I lift you in prayer and send you and your family good thoughts. Thank you for sharing your difficult journey with the world.
Sending love and prayers to you and your family. I only discovered your blog a few days ago, but your strength and eloquence through all you’ve been through has touched me more than I thought possible. You are loved by your family and friends close by. You are loved by family and friends far away. And you are loved by complete strangers who stumbled across your blog one day and kept reading. You are loved.
Nearing 500 posts from around the world, your amazing impact on us all is obvious. You have shown us that “just one” CAN make a difference. Sending heartfelt good wishes, thoughts and prayers.
Thank you for sharing your life with us!
Thinking of you and your family and praying for you all.
Susan, your honesty in this blog amazes me. Thank you for sharing your fight with us, thank you for showing us how to have grace under fire, thank you for all that you’ve done thus far for women, women with breast cancer, moms, scientists, etc etc.
I am praying for you, your sweet and loving husband, and your two beautiful boys. Praying for peace and love and grace for you all.
Susan, clearly you are so loved. Blessings to you & yours.
What a sweet and supportive companion you have! And what great strength and disposition you have! Yall are blessed to have one another.
Blessings and pain free days and healing to you, Susan. None of us wants to say goodbye to you just yet. We won’t. We will keep lifting you up in prayer.
Ruthie from California
I’ve been thinking about you. It’s been a while. I wanted to check in on you.
Peaceful Healing sweet writer…
I keep watching for an update… I keep praying too. Praying above all else.
Peace to you & yours!
XOXO
Susan, I’m thinking of you and saying my prayers for you and your family. You are amazing. You are my hero and my inspiration. Thank you for touching my life.
Astronomy is not only pleasant but also very useful to be known; it cannot be denied that this art unfolds the admirable wisdom of God. — John Calvin, 1554.
Sincerely,
Alicia Staley (@stales)
Here I am, #502.. I only found this touching post on the 22nd, via a friend. I went back and read many many entries…your courage and boldness, honesty and eloquence have stirred my soul. I pray for no pain, for relief, for healing, for light, and for stars for you… much love, I am thinking of you every day.
Susan,
I only recently learned of the struggles you have undergone since we last kept up. I remember being amazed by your intellect and passion in college, and I am even more amazed by your passion and drive in tackling the cancer. I will pray for you and your family – keep fighting. The world (and your family) needs your talents, your inspiration, and your love.
May God bless you, protect you, and ease your pain.
Loyally,
Catherine Martin Wright
Susan, you are a remarkable woman. You’re loving, caring and always so optimistic. You are always in my prayers and heart. I have had the honor and pleasure of having you in my life for these past three and a half years now. You inspire me in so many ways and I wanted to thank you for always being you. I pray that you have no more pain. Not only am I praying for you but please no that many Parishioners at St. John The Evangelist Catholic Church are praying for you. Much love Always.
Your Friend SantaMaria Sessarego
I’ve only just heard. Best wishes for you and your family.
Dear Susan,
I’ve been praying for you and your family. I also told my husband, a Jungian psychotherapist, about you. He wrote a blog post and dedicated it to you. I was really moved by it and wanted to be sure you saw it: http://springsnowpublications.com/2012/01/26/death-the-beginning-of-life/. May God bless you.
Lots of love,
Deb
Dearest Susan,
You have always been in my thoughts and prayers and there you will always be. Sending you all my love, peace and warmth. You are such a beautiful person made of all things good. Keep fighting sweet Susan….keep fighting.
XOXO- Sharan
You are so loved. So so loved. You can do this. We’ll help you. You will never be alone. I promise.
I only discovered your blog a few days ago, but I just wanted you to know that you are in my heart and prayers. Your words are so touching and eloquent and you have shown such grace during times of trial. May God grant you peace, comfort and healing, and may you enjoy every second with your family.
Hope you’re having a better day today.
I am praying for you all. What an amazing family! Thank you for always reminding me of what is important in life. All my love, C-
I, too, found out about your blog only a few days ago through a return Tweet of someone who follows someone who follows you 🙂 Social media has done its job if it reminds me to appreciate life to the fullest through stories like yours. I wish you comfort in all possible forms.
Susan Dear….. I wish for you a magic wand that I could wave over you to immediately banish every single cancer cell from your body to restore you to perfect health. I wish this for you with all of my heart!
Alas, you will remain in all of our hearts of those who love you completely and those you love so completely – especially your sweet little boys and your remarkable husband.
Forvermore, when i look up at the beautiful night sky with all of the sparkly stars, I will see you in the brightest and most sparkly one and smile….
Susan,
I have followed your story and blog for a long time and continue to be amazed by your strength, spirit and faith. You are an inspiration to all mothers — and to all women. Thank you for making me strive to be a better mother and your constant reminder to savor every hug, every smile, every kiss, and really, to just live in every moment — to take nothing for granted. My positive thoughts and prayers for comfort and healing are with you, your family and all those close to you. Thinking of you, Annie
Found you via AnneMarie @ Chemobrain… sending you BIG hugs to envelope your entire family.
The blogosphere is a magical place; the power of many are sending you healing thoughts and prayers to buoy you during this difficult time.
Peace, light, strength,
Renn
I am reading your blog for the first time today. Your strength comes through in every word, every sentence. I will think of you all day today and send every positive thought I can muster.
I keep coming back to read these lovely comments, you have so many people who love you and have been inspired by your strength and grace.
You and your family are always in my heart and on my mind. I dreamt of you the other night – you were smiling and happy and it was SO good to see you.
Much love, dear friend.
My dear, Susan – There are no words left to be said… only prayers that the remainder of your journey be peaceful and fearless. As always, you are surrounded on all sides with respect, admiration and, above all, love.
I hope that today you are feeling a little bit stronger as you face the journey ahead – whatever it may lead. Know that you are loved.
Thinking of you and sending love and prayers to you and your family. You have touched so many people, Susan.
I am sending you light and love for all of your days.
Susan –
Your life and story have inspired me to be a better mother and a better wife. Thank you for that and may God continue to bless you and yours for each day of your life.
Melissa
Dear Susan — You and your family have been foremost in my thoughts since you posted this. I wanted to pop back in again tonight and send a hug. I so hope that you are feeling better and feeling the love, both at home and from everyone out here. What a community of friends and admirers you have! Truly amazing — like you.
Just popping back over here to read all the messages of love and support and to say that I’m continuing to hold you and all your loved ones in the light. I know you are surrounded by people who love you, and those of us afar wish you all grace and peace.
Susan,
How are you?
I’m praying and hoping for you, and for your family.
Karen G
Susan, when you invited me to join MWC you helped me get back in the game. We never really know all the lives we touch, do we? Thank you for touching mine.
Love you,
Princess Hedgie
Peace to you and yours dearest scientist.
thinking of you and praying for healing
Susan, over the last 4 years since a friend of mine introduced me to your blog, you have taught me so much…there’s not room to write it all here. Your words revived my hope when it was waning. Thank you. Praying God will hold you and your family in the palm of His hand now and forever.
Praying. with love from one grateful reader.
Saturday night, Susan. the moon is coming up, a little later every day.
we were driving with the kids: Posey spied the moon and was thrilled. Oscar asked why the moon seems to follow us in the car, and why we can see the shadow of the whole circle even though only a sliver is lit.
i said, “um, why don’t we try to find that out, Oscar, when we get home?” (because you’ve taught me.) and then he said “well, does anybody know?” and i said “yep. my friend Susan knows.”
he’s expecting you over as soon as you can get here. 🙂
in the meantime, we’re making do with the internet. thank you for your example, my friend. xo.
Love.
I keep coming here everyday to see how you are. Is there anyone who can update us. On Susan’s behalf. This is the last thing she needs to be worrying over.
I hope you are comfortable and enjoying time with the family.
Susan, wishing you a restful night’s sleep in the comfort of your family. Curious Girl and I looked at the sun and the clouds today, and the sunset over the mountains, and wondered about what makes all the shapes in the sky. “We can find that out,” I said, in response to her questions. Thanks for your encouragement to look up when we go out.
just clicked over because i was thinking about you, and when we first met on the stairs in the hotel at the san francisco blogher in 2008.
it was so lovely finally to meet you. felt like coming home. 🙂
Praying for healing and comfort!
[…] Susan’s last update she quoted her husband in a conversation they had while preparing for the hospice worker to come to […]
My dearest Susan,
You are so amazing and strong. I cannot stress that enough. You have always lit up a room with your smile and your sarcasm well lets just say you have made a few of us tear up, from so much laughter. LOL. Keep smiling my sister because you’re great at it. You have touched so many lives around the world, especially mine. You are not alone. Susan, as always my family and I are praying for you. I pray that you feel less pain tonight and tomorrow you awake with a bunch of sunshine kisses and rainbows.You have an amazing family who love you very much. Susan thank you again for being you and being a good friend. I have always appreciated you and have had nothing but respect for you, and I always will. Know that it’s OK to relax and get the rest that you need. Jesus is with you my sister, as well as many of us. Sweet dreams my friend, and as always much love to you and your family. Your friend SantaMaria
Dear Susan,
Just thinking of you and Curt and the boys today and always. You are such an inspiration to so many, but most importantly an incredible mother. Your example of grace and kindness will be with them always. Sending our love and hugs to you and the family from the Becker’s.
Angie
Dear Susan,
How is that you you reach us all, write with the wisdom of someone who has transcended time and space, all whilst bearing tremendous physical and health challenges? The only answer is that you are just amazing. And full of life.
I have been following for quite sometime, and tonight I am wondering how you are. I hope you are surrounded by brilliant love, peace and hope……
May God bless you and ease your difficulties, and my thoughts and prayers are with you 🙂
Xooox
MagnetoBoldToo sent me. I send massive hugs from another scientist – come – teacher.
I’ve followed you for a while now, but don’t tend to comment or try to engage you because your life is overflowing with wonderful family and friends that love you fully, support you beautifully and treasure being the recipients of your focus and energy.
But I want to let you know that I have pondered deeply over posts you’ve written. I am inspired by your fervour for life, passion for making a difference, and commitment to keep on keeping on. And I also want you to know that I pray for you and your family.
Thank you for shining so brightly.
Just met you a few days ago on your blog with this post when a friend from my prayer group shared your link. As a Literature teacher, I can be a snob about writing and blogs. You have changed my mind; the intimate conversation you shared with your husband is one of the most hauntingly beautiful works of art that I have ever read. You have found a special place in my heart, and I am pelting Heaven with “Hail Mary Passes” for you and your family.
Longtime lurker, popping in to say hello. I love your blog. I thank you for keeping it up. Wishing you the strength of a thousand suns, and holding you and your family in the light.
Dear Admin, this is urgent. Please get in touch with me as soon as you can.
Susan – We are not family, but you feel like family. We are over a 1,000 miles away, but you feel so close. I am scared for what you are facing, but find comfort in the promise of everlasting life. Only you will know if the time has begun to begin your journey to a new life free of pain and suffering, and I know that you will find a way to bring comfort to your family and loved ones as God takes your hand. There are few that have touched and shaped as many lives as you have, Susan. So many want to change the outcome of your battle with IBC, and like me, feel defenseless in how we can help ease your journey and bring comfort to those that are closest to you. Your influence will not be forgotten and will live on in the lives of those that you have touched. Your faith is strong and you have earned your crown of righteousness. May the strength of your spirit continue so that you are able to live as fully as you want and are able to until you are called home. But if it is God’s plan that you will continue to beat the odds, and your use of hospice services will only be temporary, I am one of several thousand from across the world that will be overjoyed. I will continue to hold you and your family in my daily prayers. May your days and nights be filled with love and a peaceful calm. .
I keep coming back looking for an update from you saying you are doing much better….
Me too. I Hope if family and friends are reading this they can give us a little update in the comments here. It must be the last thing on their minds but we care so much about Suzanne.
Me too. I check back all the time. I hate this.
There are occasional updates from Susan’s family on the @whymommy lovefest Facebook page.
Susan, thinking of you in the morning as the sun rises over a beautiful snowy landscape here. Wishing you quiet, comfort, and love with your wonderful family.
Peace, Susan. And thank you.
[…] Purple. It's OPI Ink. But really, it's a dark dark purple. […]
Dear Susan,
You have been on my mind and in my prayers of late. I know how many of us are eager to hear news of your health…in truth, to hear that there is a glimmer of progress. However, I fully recognize that the uncertainty in which we wonder about you barely scratches the surface of the uncertainty you and your family are facing.
Much love and hope,
Lori
Thinking of you and sending love and good wishes your way. Wishing I could send hugs through the internet. xoxo
So very beautiful.
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and pray for you.
I had to come back to see how you are. You are so in my thoughts.
sending lots of love and good thoughts to you and yours. you’ve all been so very much on my mind and in my heart. xoxo
Here via Jodifur. Thinking of you and your family.
Karen
You are an inspiration and role model to me, and I so appreciate everything that you have poured out about yourself and shared with all of us around the world. May God bless you.
Sweet, dear Susan,
Holding you close in thoughts and prayers. Hoping you can feel the love that surrounds you from every corner of the globe.
Buckets of love,
AnneMarie
Followed you here from a tweet. Love, love and more love going your way.
Thinking about you Susan, praying you are feeling better. Stay strong friend, you are such an inspiration to everyone.
Praying….XXOO
Praying for you and your family, Susan… xo
You have been an amazing inspiration to me as I found your blog when I was going through treatment for Hodgkins Lymphoma five years ago. Sending you positive vibes, peace and comfort
I recently found your website via Schmutzie. I wish I’d found it sooner– you’re amazing! Sending you much love and positive thoughts.
Susan, I’ve been reading your blog for years, and to me the word that describes you is “shining”. Your beautiful smile, your beautiful spirit. Sending fervent hope that you are finding comfort and healing and that you are tucked in with your family.
Susan, from one mother, daughter, friend, and wife, to another, I send you love and thoughts of peace. You are an inspiration and and a true testament of the human spirit. We hear your roar loud and clear. It will forever live in my heart. I love you.
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Sending you peace and many, many thanks.
Just learned about your blog from A Parent in Silver Spring, and have already learned a lot from the info you posted.
Astrophysicists are awesome, mom’s are awesome, and teachers are awesome, so you at least a triple-awesome person.
Healing thoughts to you and your family.
Wow….Susan I love you and I have read you since my diagnosis, the same time as yours. We had/have different paths as you know by now. Yours seemed rocky and steep to me as mine does to others. God’s speed and peace to you lovely lady.
I am praying for you, Susan. You are a strong and wonderful person. Peace.
[…] with loving words from friends and strangers around the world. Women have been painting their nails purple in honor of Susan finding a new color to claim as her own. Websites and newspapers have picked up […]
Peace be with you and your family, Susan.
[…] couple we’ve all come to know and care about over the years is separating. A beloved blogger is very ill. Another beloved blogger is accepting an award for her work. A mother’s effort to bring her […]
Thank you, Susan.
Susan,You are in my thoughts and prayers everyday. Diane
Sending you strength.
I just found your blog last week and I am captivated by your story. I pray for you and your family in this, the toughest of times. Please keep fighting, the world needs you in it. Take your time with your family and friends. We all love you and we are all pulling for you.
[…] She is reaching the end of her journey here. […]
Love for you
I love that you have almost 600 comments here! So much well deserved love for you and your family. Your words have inspired so many, and they always will.
Wishing you peace and comfort, Susan.
I also just found your blog, thanks to Blog Her. I haven’t been able to stop reading for two hours. Thank you for sharing so much. You have helped so many people. God bless.
Thank you Susan G. Komen — if they had not withdrawn funding of Planned Parenthood — I never would have found your wonderful blog on Blogher.
I am so very thankful to have been given the opportunity to know you through your blog. You are an amazing woman — Purple is your color. Purple is a strong color — the color of justice, the color of royalty.
I live in Minnesota — the Vikings are purple and gold. I have a lot of purple. Purple is no longer the color of the Vikings — it is your color.
Reading your blog today is what I call a Godsequence. Thank you for your gift of how I feel today. Sending so many prayers, love, and hugs your way on your journey — wherever that may take you.
Jan
Just want you to know that I continue to pray for you and your family daily. May God lay His healing hand upon you and bring you peace.
Hugs, peace and so much love.
I just wanted to you know that I’m still here, and I’m still thinking about you and your family.
With you in heart and mind, Susan! I can’t post on the wonderful ‘whymommy love fest page’ — but please know that there are Facebooks holdouts out here who are thinking of you constantly! A big cyberhug to you and your hubby and boys.
I just wanted to pop in and tell you how much I’m thinking of you… today and always. I painted my nails for you. They’re purple sparkles. I pick my fingers so I never ever paint them… mainly because they’re ugly and it draws attention to them. I know that it draws attention to them because I’ve been asked about them 4 times in the last 3 days. I’ve gotten to share you with 4 other people who didn’t know you already. They are praying for you, too. I may keep polish on my nails now. 🙂 Just for you. ((gentle hugs))
I just painted my second toenail. Gorgeous purple, stolen from my teen daughter. I shall continue to paint one toenail daily in my prayers for Susan.
I have three bottles btw, but there are sooo many ‘purples’ to choose from. Violet, Lavender, Plum, Eggplant, Amethyst. Who knew?
So many colors, so few toes.
Thinking of you, Susan, and your family.
Hi, Susan. Just letting you know I’m thinking of you. I was just rereading the article on IBC that led to my meeting you, getting to know you, following your wonderful blog.Thank you for all you do for other women, and for also being a cool woman scientist. 🙂 Sending many prayers your way.
Thinking of you and your little army of soldiers fighting this with you. You are that “mother with cancer” that we all aspire to be. You’ve shown so much grace and light and goodness in your battle with this horrible disease. I am so very grateful to have found your blog. Much love and healing thoughts your way!
Hugs, kisses, love, and tears. Happy thoughts. Prayers. Your story is so touching and so real at the same time.
I found the Tweet that Nora sent and noticed her comment above. Good Luck and fun travels where ever your Journey takes you.
My daughter is one of those Hospice Ladies. She probably would not expect the confetti, but I think she would enjoy your party!
Dear Susan
Hi beautiful you’ve been on my mind a lot today. You and your family are always on my mind, but today it was constant through out the whole day. I just wanted to say I hope and pray that you are feeling a little better tonight. I know some days are harder than others for you. You have an amazing husband and two Handsome boys. As I have told you before my husband and I look up to you both. Well as you know my little one, who should be sleeping right now, is climbing on my back.You know she’s a handful. LOL. I wish a peaceful, comfortable night for you. My love to you and your family, always and know that you’re in my families heart and prayers. God Bless You. Hugs and kisses.
Your friend always; SantaMaria
Susan! My thoughts are with you and I hope for the very best for you and your family. Your courage and grace in the face of this disease are admirable. I am so very not-religious, but I do mean it when I say that I am praying for you. Seriously, I’m an atheist, but I simply do not know what else I can do! I offer my most fervent prayers… just in case someone with the power to do something might hear them. Thank you for telling your story; please do continue, if it suits. With love from Victoria, B.C….
Dear Susan my thoughts are with you from Australia . What a wondrous mum you are & I am sure planetary scientist ! Thank you for your determination & generosity in sharing this difficult journey that you are traveling . I am sending you & family all my best thoughts, prayers & as my dear sister in law would say ” white light” which is just good & positive thoughts ! Travel well with love Alison
Every day I pray for you and your family. May God hold you all in the palm of His hand.
The courage and grace you have shown have made a difference in my life though we’ve never met. I pray every day for you, your husband and your precious boys.
Susan – I am thinking of you today. You are such an inspiration to so many. I took your mantra to heart and have strived to incorporate it into my everyday dealings. Be it through written word or by the phrases I speak. I chose carefully. Thoughtfully. Meaningfully. That said, I appreciate you, even though we’ve never met.I want you to know that. I am sending you all the warm energy I can muster. For you and your family. I hope you feel it and consider it a hug. I wish, oh how I wish, I could do more. Please check in when you can. You are loved.
During a meeting today at work… listening to the ‘reports’ by the big dogs…I stopped, turned inward, looked up and said again… to the Powers that Be… enough…may she be blessed with enough. I think of you and your at the oddest times. I give a small smile, and send up light and love, peace and enough. Shalom to a woman with the wisdom to get it, and share it. You are a treasure.
I think about you each and every day.
That is all.
Susan,
As a fellow IBC’er, I thank you for all you have done to bring much-needed awareness to this dreadful disease.
See you on the other side my sister.
Peace,
Susie in Chicago
Thinking of you today. Hoping for peace.
Strength as you go through this next phase.Your children will never ever feel that you didn’t fight.They will know it with every fibre of their being.The passion you put into science is seen in the way you parent them.Your light will shine for eons.
Has anyone got an update of any kind??
Praying everyday for you and hoping that the above message where you said that you had to heal before beggining any type of treatment is still what is happening.
A very dedicated reader of three years
ELesha from Australia
I am thinking of you.
You’re in my thoughts Susan.
Always, always thinking of you.
Also, my 5yr old has become quite obsessed with the solar system over the last few months. He draws it, along with facts about each planet, nearly every day.
Look at you, sending out intelligent vibes and magically sharing your knowledge with kids even while you’re resting. 🙂
Hi Susan,
I’ve been following your blog via a friend who knows you, and I think you are an amazing mother, who is well-respected in your career, and who holds an amazing amount of compassion and understanding, even in the midst of great personal crisis. You inspire so many with your courage and honesty, and you are a beautiful person – I pray for miracles for you, and much strength and love. Always.
Still thinking of you every minute , praying for you madly (healing comfort, peace), and hoping that you are hanging in there and not uncomfortable Susan. The legacy of love that you have created for your children is woven into who they are, and I know that they will always carry with them the fierce love that you have for them. They will never ever doubt that they were loved and the light that you have poured into them will shine brightly, I know. They will know that you fought hard and never stopped fighting, for them. I am thankful for all that you have shared and for the gift of gratitude for each and every moment and experience that you have brought to my life. I always feel honored and thankful to read your wonderful words. Hope tonight brings you rest and that your tomorrows will include spending time with those you love most.
Thinking of you tonight, Susan. I check here frequently and hope that you are feeling comfortable. I’ve read your blog for years – admittedly as a lurker. Always praying, though – Sending you hugs tonight from WA state.
Update:
I just thought I would share this update from Susan’s husband – it was posted on the @whymommy love fest facebook page 9 hours ago. (I hope no-one minds, I thought those who are not on fb might appreciate the update):
Thanks to everyone for their notes and prayers, Susan and I greatly appreciate it. I have been reading her everything and she is moved beyond words. The hospice nurses are taking excellent care of Susan and she is resting comfortably and pain free.
Thank you, thank you for this update! Yes, we who are not on Susan’s facebook account really appreciate this. Do keep us posted.
Sending love and prayers.
Thank you for the update, Gill.
As I read this post again, I’m so grateful for every bit of “more tomorrow” we’ve been granted. Your light shines so brightly. Wishing you and your a day filled with wonders big and small. Praying for y’all.
Thinking of you today Susan. Hoping for a pain-free day.
Susan,
I only know you through your blog but I wanted you to know that you and your family aare in my thoughts and prayers. You are such an inspiration to so many people and I hope that brings you some comfort during your dark times. I have learned so much from you through the laughter and the tears. Please know I am praying that God sends angels your way.
Kat
I looked at the stars tonight and thought of you…Sending you healing thoughts….
Susan, I am praying, hoping, appreciating you every day, hoping that the silence will end and we’ll hear your voice again soon. I am blessed to know you, to have had the chance to sit at “the bloggers table” with you in D.C. to have the memory of your hug, your enthusiasm, your wonderful spikiness when it matters, your commitment to easing the journey of others.
Whatever I do in the advocacy world I do in your honor sister, always.
I’m continuing to send good thoughts and energy to you and your family to ease your journey.
Hi Susan,
I have read your blog for a long time but I have never commented. I have admired your bravery, humour and love of life. I pray for you and your family. I hope you may have some pain free time with your loved ones…in purple 🙂
Thinking of you and your family today and everyday. I only “know” you via your blog, but you are quite an inspiration to women everywhere. Not just in the realm of your battle with IBC, but with your success in science.
The most beautiful words I know are “I love you.” The next most beautiful words I know are “thank you.”
Thank you, Susan, for all that you do. I appreciate everything I have learned from you and know I am better because of you. Thank you.
Jojo
dreamed about you last night, Susan. it made me smile to visit, even in my imagination. hope Monday brings you a pain-free day, with lots of love. xo.
Susan, I just learned that you are in excellent hands with the hospice nurses and are pain free and as comfortable as possible. I want to share a mantra with you.
” You are the sun and sky ”
” You are the moon at night”
” You are water and earth”
” YOU ARE THE UNIVERSE ”
Love and Peace to YOU. Xoxoxo
Diane
I’m another SIlver Spring mom with small children, and I’ve read your blog for years. We’ve never met but I think of you as a friend and I feel like I know you.
I was out for a run this weekend and saw the stars glittering in the early morning sky. I immediately thought of you. Friend, be well, be comfortable, and know how you are loved.
Hello from an ovarian cancer survivor. I have no words of wisdom. Just a poem that has helped me in difficult times:
THE COMFORT OF WOOD
By Naomi Shihab Nye
I come to this table tired
I come empty as a cup
a fruit bowl with no bananas
I come with my various resources
dragging behind me
a cat’s wet tail
I come to this table with no song
no definite opinion like garlic or onion
flavoring the stew
The table is sitting where it always sits
braided placemats
in front of each chair
I found the table at a store called
“The Hand and the Heart”
I was not looking for tables
The table sat in the center of the room
leaves like wings folded at its sides
a single drawer with a runner that stuck
Now I am learning the comfort of wood
as I place my head on the table
as I fold my hands over the scars
[…] cancer today. Susan was fighting metastatic breast cancer in her spine, neck, ribs, and hips. Recent news that her recurrence of invasive breast cancer had worsened to the point that in-home hos…moved the internet and her local friends — most made within the blogging community – to […]
I wish it weren’t so…. I wish it could go back. Thank you for educating us and shining your light on us.
[…] her final post she didn’t write an article. Rather, she gave us a scene, an image to remember, an idea that […]
[…] first post I read of hers was this one: How Did We Get Here? It’s a simple conversation she has with her husband after coming home for hospice care. I […]
[…] first post I read of hers was this one: How Did We Get Here? It’s a simple conversation she has with her husband after coming home for hospice care. I […]
[…] her warmth, her incredible capacity to give of herself. the comment is remarkably like her final post: in the end, she was not ours, but Curt’s. it lifts the Volkswagen off my chest a little to […]
[…] the two weeks from Susan’s last words to the readers (the last word she typed was HOPE – did you notice?) to Curt’s first words – I […]
To Susan’s family:
I met Susan some years ago at a Discovery Program Independent Review Team meeting and found her to be full of wonder, energy, and grace. I did not know until today that she had cancer; perhaps it is a good thing since I have seen more than enough of it to last a lifetime. I lost my own love last February (Dr. Emma Bakes) to the disease and she and Susan shared a fellowship that was forged in astrophysics and planetary science. I would say that the field of space science has just lost another of its brightest stars. It must be that God needs their light to shine in heaven.
My heart and thoughts go out to her two boys and Curt. May you find solace in the many gifts she will never stop giving to you.
Sincerely, Donald R. Mendoza
I may be late to say this, I am one of those people you inspired in your writing, you encourage with your convincing power and you make laugh. Thanks for those great blogs, messages and inspiring words you add, you post or write in your articles and blogs.