Happy starts today

today, I am ready
to take on the world anew
happy starts today

This week has been hard, both physically and inside my head.  But, like many things, it’s easier sometimes to fight the battles when they’re out in the open.  So I gave in to it for a day or two, then boxed it severely around the ears, and — I think — prevailed.  Today I woke up with just one thought: “Happy. Starts today.”  With that attitude and a little luck (and a whole lotta help from my PTs), I was able to have a wonderful day with my kids and parents-in-law at the Baltimore Aquarium, to have lunch and dinner out without any embarrassment, and to even go shopping socially in the afternoon.  Yes, it was difficult to try things on, and yes, I’m not even sure whether the shirts will fit properly when my wrap is removed, but, all in all, it doesn’t really matter.  I tried on clothes today and looked at myself full in the mirror, and saw — most of the time – only clothes, fitting or ill-fitting, but the fault this time was in the clothes.  Too tight around the belly?  Too loose in the bust?  The clothes were simply cut for a different body shape than mine.  I went back out and found something else.  Without tears.  Without blame.  Without cancer trying to run the show.

Today, with the help of my family, who carried my toddler and lifted him up to see the exhibits, who cut the kids’ sandwiches when I couldn’t grasp the knife, and who just had fun with me today, I went out — and cancer stayed behind.  Perhaps my first thought today will prove true after all: Happy. Starts today.